The loneliness on losing a partner

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Newly widowed and I am overcome with sadness

Tanith, I'm sorry if I've missed your post but I'm sorry to hear that. Sending you love and hugs.

Oh tanith. I’m so sorry. .

I too am very saddened to hesr this Tanith.

Thank you ladies, I read the whole thread through in the early hours and I know I’m not alone in this journey just taking it a day at a time and keeping myself busy with all the nonsense that needs dealing with at this time.

You didn’t miss anything kittylester as I’ve not posted anything related to our journey through a terrible time. Thanks for caring all of you .

I have been reading this thread and want to add my sympathy to all the lonely people who have lost their loved ones.
My DM was a widow for 50 years. She said you never get over the loss but you change as a person and find ways of coping including dealing with crass, stupid people.
I noticed that the knitting and nattering group I go to includes 3 widows and 3 who care for sick partners. It is quite a lifeline.

tanith thinking of you

tanith

To anyone struggling with life after the loss of a loved one can I draw their attention to a website called What's Your Grief....it has been an invaluable resource for me.
I would love to hear from anyone who might be interested in setting up a pen pal system for us oldies on our own....I know letter writing is "old hat" but it could be really helpful and supportive...especially for the housebound or those of us in rural areas!
Grief never leaves us...we just slowly become better at living with it. Take care.

So many sad posts here, warmest wishes to you all. My mother was a widow for 20 years and she always said life was never the same, she never wanted to replace my father, he was the love of her life. I always felt she died to be with him when us children were finally established in the world.

I was thinking about grief this morning and how much I would miss my DH if he died. Some people go through life almost untouched by death but others, I'm one, have seen too much death amongst family and friends. I wonder if that nub of pain inside ever goes. It feels to me like a kind of loneliness that is there even if you like your own company.

I have found Cruse helpful and also the local Death Cafe which meets locally. Comfort and warm thoughts to all.

The loneliness never goes away, ever and as the years go by it gets worse and not better. It's only those in this situation that can acknowledge this feeling especially in later life.
So far as I'm ( personally ) concerned, nobody and nothing can ever fill that void no matter how much water has gone under the bridge it still remains.

absolutely the same for me June. I was very busy for three years, made myself busy, then all of a sudden everything was done and I was ready for the house move, which has still not happened. Surrounded by boxes, christmas this year was when that awful gut-wrenching loneliness happened. The families need their space, I just needed someone to be here and share a cup of tea with on a daily basis. It was a long christmas and the first time I have ever felt so low

45 years married and it was sudden while out exercising, a fit man but his heart stopped. Police at the door air ambulance and that was it, in one afternoon, no time to get used to it and not expected. It took such a lot of work on my part, to calm my emotions, to slow my heart, to lower my blood pressure.

Then came the clearing, then the preparing for a downsizing house move, all difficult and draining. The work kept me going, stopped me thinking but now the work is done and I have to move on, to make new friends, join clubs and U3A, this is why I am moving, before I am too old, before I get stuck in my lonely dark space

Hello, recently widowed, in fact coming up to 12 months this month. We bought a house to be near to our friends, my husband was taken ill & was rushed into hospital just as the removal men arrived. He passed away the following day & did not spend 1 night in our new home.as you can imagine, I was determined to keep myself busy, putting things away, going to the tip & making my home my own little haven. To visit my family is a 2 hour round trip, I'm lucky that I have a car.
I have met the neighbours only once, they always say " you'll have to come round for coffee, that's not the same as saying come tomorrow @ 3pm. It's tough, people just do not know what to say to me. I just feel so lonely @ times, it does not help that I am an introvert & find it difficult to meet strangers but I am trying really hard.
I am still waiting for bereavement councilling via my doctor but have been told that I am on a long waiting list. My son & daughter have been my strength but do not realise the full strength of my loneliness, they drive away & I am sobbing. It's early days yet for me, my husband was the love of my life, they say it will get better in time, I have a long way to go, I miss him SO much.

It's a long time for me now, I enjoy my life, but that void and longing for him hasnt diminished, just got used to living with it.

I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly seven days ago after 50 years of marriage. I have problems sleeping and my main problem is waking up between 2.00 and 3.00 in the morning feeling frightened. It does improve as it starts to get light. I know it is very early days yet and hopefully things will get better. I have just come across this site at 3.30 a.m in the morning. So glad to have found it and realise I am not alone.

Yes, yes and yes.
My sincerest sympathy stiltskin there are many of us, probably right across the spectrum of “stages” of grief whether for a child, grandchild, parent or partner.
I came across many helpful sentiments when my DH died 18 months ago, but while this is perhaps the loneliest time in your life , no you are not alone - we are here to listen at whatever hour of day or night and reassure you that yes, we do understand.

I lost my husband in April and can only echo many of the sentiments here. My family do not live close by so I am finding it vey hard. It is very lonely. I have not been in this area long so do not have close friends here although I did join a coffee and have some friends there, I find the days I do not go out are particularly bad, yet when I do go out to coffee or to meet up with a friend, I find after a while I just want to go back home again and be quiet. I find it hard when I have to go out on my own, shopping for example as I think, well if I didn't come back, there would be nobody to notice. My husband always used to text me if I was out longer than expected to see if I was OK. Coming back to an empty house is horrible. It's the thought that the person who loved you most in the world is no longer here and I can't believe he is not coming back. Eating alone, watching TV alone just emphasises the loneliness.

Hello I lost my husband 20th of May this year I am so lost, my emotions are all over the place, I can’t concentrate, I don’t like going out, I even do my shopping on line. I am so frightened of everything. I live near where I work so I walk there, I went back today and I am so tired, it’s a struggle. I’m not eating much as I don’t feel hungry. I’m finding life tough at the moment. I live alone but my son stays in touch and is helping me go through the mountain of paperwork. He comes round with his partner twice a week as they live quite local, they are due their baby in August which will be lovely. I am so anxious all the time.

To all recent posters here from someone walking this road too

Hugs to all.

Three years for me and my loneliness is huge. I do recommend everyone carry their mobile phone at all times, I nearly fell off the ladder and it really scared me.

It is so hard, it's not just missing the person that understood you and loved you completely, it's everything they are missing. My son has just had his 26th birthday, he was 22 when his Dad died.

I meant to start a 'memory' book of everything my husband has missed, I must do it, painful as it is.

I can sympathise with so many of you that have posted here. I lost my DH last November, we knew it was inevitable as he was suffering from chronic heart failure but he came home from a hospital stay on the Monday afternoon, went to sleep the following afternoon and never awoke. I had been his carer for many years and now find myself knowing no one but a friend made through a pulmonary rehab group I attended 3 years ago. We were each other’s life we had been together at home and at work, as we were self employed, for over 30 years. We joked that we had spent more time together than most couples that have been married twice as long. We had planned our home and garden with retirement years in mind, but he was only 2 months past 65 when he passed away from me. We were the same age for one day each year, as his birthday was the day after mine, I really do not want to acknowledge my 65th birthday. I too so miss being able to share the companionship of mutual experiences, of being able to finish each other’s sentences, even the arguments and his demanding ways. Now I have all the time in the world to do as I want and I don’t know what to do. I got very little sleep in his last months, but I can’t sleep now either. I need to find an upside somehow but to date it has not happened.