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Bereavement

Understanding yet again please

(177 Posts)
Anniebach Sun 14-Oct-18 10:45:58

I have said I fear seeing the bridge in town where my adored daughter died last November. Cannot go to physiotherapist, GP, dentist because their surgeries are next to the bridge, have to cross it to go to town so will not go there .

We have been hit by the storms. The river in the town has flooded many times over the years, I heard yesterday it was only 2” off flooding again. There is a group on line for information on what is going on in and around town. I look at it every day, this morning i wanted to check which roads are still closed because I could tell my younger granddaughter which roads to avoid should she decide to drive here today.

There was a photograph of the river and the bridge, it has distressed me so much, my thoughts were of my girl standing there in the dark and alone . Thoughts I have not allowed to come to mind, they flooded my mind.

Will this ever pass ?

Grandmashe43 Sun 14-Oct-18 10:50:23

I don’t know dear Annie, but with your faith and our prayers, God will grant you the peace you so deserve,xxx

MawBroon Sun 14-Oct-18 10:52:01

I wish I could promise that it will, but you know and I know I can’t.
All I can say is that there will come a time when you can cope with the memories, the images and and the pain of grief.
It is hard to “unthink” these thoughts and I struggle with the mental images of Paws last hours -and after. My defence is to try only to dwell on them when I feel strong enough to and to link them where I can with happier thoughts.
No easy answers Anniebach not even hard ones, but reaching out to you nevertheless flowers

Teetime Sun 14-Oct-18 10:56:21

I'm sorry Anniebach I am so sorry. flowers xx

Buffybee Sun 14-Oct-18 10:59:14

Annie, your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your recent loss. You will be feeling distressed, anyone would be.
I am sending you a hug and a hand-hold. flowersbrew

oldbatty Sun 14-Oct-18 10:59:45

Annie, there has to be a path through this.

henetha Sun 14-Oct-18 11:04:09

I'm so sorry. How sad this must be. All things do pass, and eventually we learn to live with the pain. But it's not easy.

Nonnie Sun 14-Oct-18 11:25:22

No Annie I don't think it will. I think it may get slightly easier to live with but it won't go away if my experience is anything to go by. Went to a Kinks show a couple of days ago and was in tears listening to Thank you for the Days. Making me cry now just thinking about it.

Doodle Sun 14-Oct-18 11:40:53

annie the only support I can give are my prayers which continue for you. May God give you strength and comfort. Your beloved daughter is in His care now. 💕 x

Bikerhiker Sun 14-Oct-18 11:50:50

Oh Annie I do hope so but I suspect we will always be knocked sideways by such reminders. However, let's hope that when they happen we learn to cope with them better. We know that grief is love but painful none the less isn't it.
Thinking of you Annie. X

oldbatty Sun 14-Oct-18 11:52:48

www.thesilverline.org.uk/

This is available today for a chat.

Cherrytree59 Sun 14-Oct-18 12:07:39

Annie I pray that sometime soon your pain will ease.
I understand that next month is going to do difficult for you.
This time of year can often cause our moods to dip and bleakness becomes like a heavy cloak across our shoulders.

Winter will surely be followed by spring.
I pray Annie that you will find your little 'Spring' one day.
Your beautiful daughter is safe in the arms her lovely brave father💕

Luckygirl Sun 14-Oct-18 12:17:26

These reminders are so hard to handle. All we can do is walk beside you. flowers

tessagee Sun 14-Oct-18 12:22:08

Dear Annie you are often in my thoughts and prayers. The previous response from Cherrytree says it much better than I can. As for the bridge, it became the instrument of your pain, but also provided the release your beloved girl longed for, the path to her longed for home. God bless!

GrandmaMoira Sun 14-Oct-18 12:32:55

I don't have any answers but can only say I'm sorry.

kittylester Sun 14-Oct-18 12:42:40

I don't know whether the thoughts will ever pass Annie but I hope it gets easier for you.

You know we are here to 'listen'. And to send you love!

Anniebach Sun 14-Oct-18 12:53:14

Thank you all x

It was a shock seeing it this morning so I reached out to you again.

This sounds stupid, my daughter was an adult , yet I feel as I did when she was small , that ‘I must protect my child’ which is so strong.

My thoughts of the bridge last year are of guilt, I should have been there, yes irrational, 5 in the morning , I was asleep and my girl an adult , yet this ‘I should have been there’ .

When she read the inquest into her fathers death and read his body had been in the road all night she was distressed and said ‘ why didn’t you go looking for Daddy?’ ,I explained it was in the night and we were sleeping .

Now I ask myself the same . Can mothers here understand this irrational guilty feeling ?

GrannyGravy13 Sun 14-Oct-18 13:05:44

Oh Annie I wish I could come and give you a hug.

I think guilt is built into us Mothers, no matter what age our AC are they are still our babies, that basic instinct to,protect and nurture ever diminishes.

Grief is like a heavy black cloak, some days it feels lighter than others, unfortunately it is the price we pay for loving our families so much.

💐🕯

Nanny23 Sun 14-Oct-18 13:23:42

Sending love to you Annie, I can understand the guilty feeling. As mothers, we can't turn off the maternal instinct to protect, no matter what age our children are. Thinking of you Annie, hoping you find peace of mind very soon.

Bikerhiker Sun 14-Oct-18 13:56:28

Annie I understand that you feel you should have been able to protect your child, even though an adult. Logic tells us that this was not possible unyet we still beat ourselves up. I suppose it is part of the many aspects of grief. I know you feel it every day and today is a double whammy because of the floods.
So sorry Annie. X

Antonia Sun 14-Oct-18 14:02:45

Annie, it must be so hard when reminders trigger the memories. And last November isn't long ago either. I wish I could make you a cup of tea and give you a hug. I hope you can find some peace. Sending hugs & love. xx

GillT57 Sun 14-Oct-18 14:12:48

Oh Annie, reports of the unfolding weather dramas at the bridge must have been an awful sharp reminder of your own pain, so sorry that none of us are close enough to come to you and just sit with you, but if it helps, we are all thinking of you, and remember your friends on GN are here 24 hours a day, there is always somebody there to reply, or even send you a virtual cafe

Jalima1108 Sun 14-Oct-18 14:20:34

Anniebach I thought about you yesterday when I saw the floods on the television; that must have been painful to see the bridge on the news.

I do hope that your DGD has managed to get through to you today and is keeping you company flowers

BlueBelle Sun 14-Oct-18 14:27:26

Dear Annie I have no special words just an understanding and my care to send to you xxx

Greenfinch Sun 14-Oct-18 14:32:48

Remember the poem "Footprints in the Sand". At the moment you are being carried by your Loving God although it may not feel like it. One day you will be able to walk beside Him again and there will be 2 sets of footprints once more. Meanwhile try to rest in his love with hope in your heart. My prayers are always with you.