Understanding yet again please

Think of your GN friends as the bluebirds Anniebach

Thank you all so much , your words have calmed me, brought me through that shock this morning

Yes , you are Bluebirds, how blessed I am

Annie x

So many wise words annie, good to hear you are calmer now. The unexpected has tripped you up, sadly we can’t avoid those trips but we can navigate them. It’s been a tough day, wishing you a peaceful evening and sunshine for tomorrow. On a slightly different note I hope all in your village remain safe from the floods. Sending love.

So sorry Annie and yes, Mothers do always feel guilt, it comes with the job, even when there is no guilt.
You couldn’t help your DD any more than you already did and I expect deep down you already know this.
The bridge itself will always be a tragic object to you and your family, it’s inevitable.
If you ever feel able to go there, at a quiet time of day, drop a flower into the river and say a prayer , it may help you.
Friends of ours locally had much the same awful event in their lives (river) either accident or suicide,( unproven)and this is what they did from the bridge.?

Dear Annie, just a hug x

My friends daughter jumped to her death ,she had post natal depression and left a young baby and two small children.Her parents are part of a group for families of suicide victims .Check online an dsee if theres any near you or even online that could help.People who have lived through the same experience are often more in tune with the steps of the grief you have to go through .

Annie it's still very early days and coming up to the first anniversary which will be a difficult day to get through - remember we are all here for you as always when it arrives.

Seeing the bridge when you were least expecting it is bound to have given you a jolt backwards - as will any reminder of your precious girl. You can't take the blame for what she did - she was very ill and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it - if only love could do this no family would ever have to go through the pain of loss.

I don't have the answers to whether it will pass - knowing a friend who lost her daughter 5 years ago I suspect it doesn't but I think you learn to cope and the shocks become less frequent. You have to learn to be kind to yourself too.

I'm glad you're not in the floods though - I too was thinking of you and all those in the affected areas today.

The practicalities of not being able to cope with the location: yes that can get better. Sometimes with time alone other times with PTSD treatments. It depends on whether or not you want to learn to be able to pass nearby. You might not want to, it might feel like it would be dishonouring your loved one to ever be "okay" with being near there, but if you need to it can be worked on and it can get manageable to pass by.

The emotions. No. Personally the bigger number milestones are harder than the earlier ones.

It might help to separate the 2 things:
Coping with passing the bridge does not mean you miss her less IYKWIM

That I would be dishonouring my daughter never came to mind

Well then if you do want to over come it (some don't for that reason) it can be done.

Time alone won't necessarily be enough but it can be. There are effective PTSD type treatments that can help with trauma triggers like locations.

But that aspect can get better.
The loss itself doesn't.

I am only too aware of loss

''Has anyone any wise thoughts please?"
Hi I don't post all that often here as I'm still new and finding my way. And I'm trying to sort things out in my head. 4 1/2 years ago, at the request of DS and DIL we returned to to be near them and to be nearer to GC. Sadly it had all gone badly wrong. we haven't seen the GC for 3 1/2 years. So we've decided to cut our losses. DIL will not tell us what we've supposedly done wrong. We receive neither birthday nor Xmas cards, not Easter cards. We are not allowed to send presents or phone them or GC. 3 1/2 years, is,I feel, enough to give them. What do you think?

Hi lizzy67 welcome to GN. I think you need to start a new thread where others can read your comments as an opening post and respond accordingly.

That is so sad, and I'm sorry for your loss it is still early days really, but things will get better.

I'm 59 now, but when I was 16, I was with my 21 yr old brother when he was knocked down and killed by a drunk driver. I had to pass that exact spot, every single day, to get to work/home. It was terrible. There was no other bus route.

The horrible memories you have will one day be replaced by pleasant ones. You have to give it more time.

I don't believe in God and prayers, but I do believe that time does heal. x

Thank you. I have so many happy memories Lynne. I got in a panic this morning but the care here has helped me so much.

How horrific to see your brother killed , his death would have an awful shock but to witness it, I am so very sorry x

anniebach you will get through this to a time of peace I am sure. Your heart is full of sympathy for others and despite what you sometimes say in your posts, you are not a meme person.

Doodle, in the last year I do st times cringe and think ‘ oh hell I have done a meme tbread again ‘ thank you. X

Anniebach.... have you had any counselling? It was never offered to me back in 1975, but I know that some people find it helpful.

My poor mum must have had the same feelings as you are having - it was the day after my dad's birthday, and 3 weeks before Christmas.

Have you got any other family members you can see or talk to?

Lynne, a waiting list for counselling and it would be at the surgery, going from the house is rather difficult at this time but I am working on that. I don’t have family i have contact with, three wonderful grandchildren but they are the children of my daughter who died .
Thank you

annie I'm so very sorry that the current flooding situation has brought back memories so vividly. It is still very soon after your bereavement so do not be hard on yourself. I know you have a strong faith. Is there a minister from your church supporting you that you could talk to and pray with? I know my SiL found comfort through her faith and church when she was struggling with bereavement. Remember all the positive steps you have taken. Sometimes hard to remember the progress being made when there is a setback. Take care.

My sympathy- and I hope you feel stronger each day.

So sorry Annie, I don’t know how I missed your thread. I was wondering if the horrendous weather had hit your area. I hope things are looking better this morning.

So many others have said it all, especially what Notanan said. It’s still very early days really, and the time of year doesn’t help. Remember how positive you were in the spring? You are a woman of strong determination, don’t give up. XX

Thank you x

I am ok, was badly shaken yesterday morning.

PECS, the church sold the vicarage , there is no priest in this ward now. The floods were grim, roads cut off, thankfully this part of town which has been flooded many times escaped, the river rose 2” short of going over the bridge.

Nfk, i was so hopeful earlier this year, I asked for help , was promised much and was willing to really try hard, bought the scooter , someone from MIND was going to visit every week , haven’t seen her since July. The neighbour who is an EFT practitioner was going to treat me with EFT and introduce me to neighbours then stopped practicing to home school her grandson. Granddaughters moved away in July. Long waiting list for CBT.

This isn’t self pity , just wanted to say with all the encouragement I have received here I did reach out for help, it all went wrong. I have never been given to self pity, I really tried . Still putting milk bottles out in daytime ?

Annie, you have had some really supportive messages from the caring GN's, that I haven't anything I can add. But, I do think of you often and pray that you will be healed soon. You are managing tiny, baby steps, so that is good. One day you will be able to do things that at the moment you just can't countenance. It is wonderful that you are able to open up to us and from the replies, get comfort. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are.

So sorry to hear that the recent photograph of the floods in your town have brought back distressful memories. I think many of us think of you Annie and hope that life will get better but it seems from your posts you have had some setbacks regarding promised support. If only virtual support could transpose into the real thing, you'd have it in spades from GN. In the meantime I'm sending you best wishes and