Understanding yet again please

Sorry to hear you have no nearby minister & other support / therapy has not been established. I do hope things start falling into place and that you get some practical support soon.

I am so sorry Anniebach, I hope your granddaughter may be able to get to you

Very sorry to hear this, Annie. Is there any possibility of you moving to live in the town so that you are able to access all the services you need?

annie Thinking and praying that today will be a better day for you xxx

Thank you. I sound such a whinger sorry.

I realy have tried so hard to help myself but keep getting blocked .

I asked the housing officer for a transfer from here into the town but she refused . To move it has to be near family and I haven’t any in the town. I put my name on the house exchange list but no one wants to move here. I can’t afford a private let.

Have to accept I have to stay here. Come Spring things may improve x

Good morning Annie. I was thinking of you because of the flooding in Wales and hoping you were safe. Everyone who has replied has said it all. So many wise and compassionate words. I am glad you are feeling a little better but I think I we understand so well how the eternal love we have for our children can also bring such guilt that we could not protect them from life's ills. It wrings us up inside and it's grip doesn't loosen.

In many ways you are trapped. The mental one is understandable but physically you are trapped too and seem to be getting little support. The bridge will keep you a prisoner in your own home. And head. It's awful. Are your dear daughter's children able to go there? I know they don't live locally any longer but perhaps if together, holding hands, you could go to the bridge and grieve it might help lessen the understandable hold it has over you. It is so worrying that you cannot access services on the other side of the bridge.

Just a thought Annie. You are stuck, quite literally, in one place with your pain, fear and thoughts and I do hope and pray someone can and will make the situation a little easier for you. And soon. Hugs.

Day6, my grandchildren do not mention her suicide , they don’t speak of her, the youngest says she can’t remember my daughter when she was well, this saddens me because she was a wonderful mother , she adored them. My grandson, the eldest has said he can remember her when she was fun and her laughter. I wish the girls would allow themselves to think of those years, perhaps in the future they will. Their father doesn’t speak of her to them.

It’s as if she never existed

Annie that is so sad - for the children as well as for you. Do you have any old video footage of your daughter when she was younger and well - maybe with the children? Perhaps if you could bear to watch it they could see her back in happier, healthier times it might help them all.

Willow, her husband has many, summer holidays, beach picnics, my daughter playing in the snow with them, Christmas , birthdays. Perhaps too painful for him to watch, I would love to see them again , it’s how I remember her, i can’t wipe out the nightmare of her illness but don’t spend time thinking sbout it, I learned to seperate my beautiful daughter from the illness some years ago.

When my son in law asked me to write the eulogy to be read by the priest at the funeral he asked I only spoke of her untill her illness hit,nothing after that , just as well .

Anniebach I have been reading your posts ever since you told us about the death of your much loved daughter last year.
My heart goes out to you. The pain of losing a child is beyond the understanding of those who have never been in that terrible situation.
My daughter died two years ago from Cancer leaving three young children.
Just wanted to tell you about an online organisation called THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS. I joined them a few months after my daughter died, and have found the support and understanding has really helped me over the months. Every one who posts has lost a child / or adult son or daughter.
One of the ladies who joined about the same time as me has become an online friend (you can p.m). We e-mail each other once a week privately and have helped support one another through the last two years. I dont expect we will ever meet, but she understands when the feelings of loss and guilt overwhelm me, and vice versa.
Its something for you to consider anyway. However I know you have the support and love on G.N of so many ladies.

Thank you Kupari, I did but they suggested I contact an organisation for discussing suicide, I didn’t want to talk about how my daughter died, just she was dead . No matter I had such support here

Annie, I know this is a very difficult time for you. I am thinking of you with love and prayers. xx

niggly, you remembered , thank you x . Doesn’t seem almost a year . When there was a discussion here on Halloween I realised my daughter died on All Saints Day, didn’t sink in last year.

Hope all is well with you x

No easy way through the next weeks is there Anniebach but perversely I think that is how it should be. Let the grief well up but not swamp you. A lifetime is not forgotten in a year or a decade or ever...but you owe it to your daughter, her OH and your grandchildren to go on, to remember her and to honour her memory.
Love never dies. Her suffering is over, yours alas is not, but that’s what we Mums do isn’t it?
Thinking of you and feeling your pain, but I know we will find a way through it.

annie in my prayers as always.

Catching up with posts and just seen this one Annie. I can't add anything to the messages of support other than to send very positive wishes and thoughts to you x

Me too, Annie and what a lovely post MawBroon

I am thinking of you tonight Anniebach sending loving thoughts your way.

Thinking of you and praying for you Annie

Annie, you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers.

Such hard times - you are not alone - people are thinking of you.

Thinking of you annie, sending love

Annie you’ve walked hard road this past year especially, thinking of you as you keep on keeping on, x

With you Annie, we’re all beside you in spirit.

Annie, I have no words but keep reaching out. As you can see Gransnetters are here for you. xxx