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Bereavement

Missing mum ...how do l move on?

(39 Posts)
Blacktabby2 Sun 30-Dec-18 14:42:26

My mum died a few weeks ago. Due was 93...but l do miss her. We were not especially close so l am surprised at how hard this has hit me! She was also my neighbour! Although she had recently moved to a residential home. We would phone each other every day. The minute l went on holiday l had the call she had died...it was unexpected . I miss her calls....how l wish l could have one last chat.

Oldandverygrey Thu 21-Feb-19 16:56:58

Every Sunday at 8.00am I pick up the phone to ring my Mum, then realise she died in 2008, old habits die hard.

trisher Thu 21-Feb-19 17:58:47

Blacktabby2 It will take time. My mum died nearly a year ago. She was 95. I think one of the things about losing a mum when you are so much older is that people expect you to be less affected. They tell you what a good age she was and how you were lucky to have her for so long. And yes she was and you were but as well because you both had time to spend together as adults, because you had become her companion and maybe her carer, because she relied on you, you miss her so much more. You have to give yourself time and it's OK to miss her. Just try to find something to get you through and if you have to cry sometimes don't feel guilty about it. A very good friend of mine comforted me by saying "It doesn't matter how old you are being an orphan takes a long time to get used to."

MissAdventure Thu 21-Feb-19 18:02:35

Sometimes only a mum will do.
I often think I could do with my mum to listen to me and help me.

Anniebach Thu 21-Feb-19 18:05:00

I am so sorry. Even after 20 years I think ‘ what should I do Mum’

TerriBull Thu 21-Feb-19 19:01:14

Blacktabby2 sorry for your loss flowers I still miss my mum I can't believe she's been gone for over 10 years. I was lucky I had just returned from Canada, and nearly cancelled my visit to her because I was feeling tired, so glad I didn't, we had a lovely lunch, she died the next day. I would have had so many regrets if I hadn't had that last time with her, I'm sorry that you had that call just as you went on holiday.

I remember phoning her shortly before she died when I had to go to the dentist to have a root canal procedure and telling her I was dreading it and her responding "don't worry dentists know what they are doing". Yes I miss our chats, I sympathise, I've never deleted my mum's number from my mobile, it's the memories. I think many of us will empathise with your feelings.

GrandmainOz Sat 23-Feb-19 06:59:30

It will be the first anniversary of my mother's death next month. She was taken really quite young by a cruel disease. Her own mother, my grandmother, is still hale and hearty in her 90's. Great grandmother lived to 105. We never expected to lose Mum so early. Such a shock. I miss her sharp insight and generous impulses. She could be a harsh critic and was an absolute worry wort, but was also so encouraging, loyal and very wise (she used to say "don't worry, I've seen it all, nothing shocks me now"). She's irreplaceable

Anja Sat 23-Feb-19 07:05:34

Sorry for your loss Blacktabby just be grateful you had your mother around for so long. It’s over 40 years since I lost mine.

Sunlover Sat 23-Feb-19 08:47:27

I don't think I'll ever stop missing my mum. Since becoming a grandma last year I often look at my 3 grandchildren and so wish my mum could have met them. She would have loved them to pieces. I still sing the songs to them that she sang to my four children ( and so do they!)

GrandmainOz Wed 27-Feb-19 01:27:38

Yes sunlover my mother only met one of my little GC v briefly as she was already very unwell when they started to come along. When I said my last goodbye (gulp) she cried that she hadn't met the little two. Leaving her knowing she had regrets was awful

1inamillion Wed 27-Feb-19 08:10:56

My mother died when my son was two and a half, so never knew her granddaughter. She missed out on so much.
She used to phone every day at 4.30 to see how my day went, often look at the clock at this time and long for a call.
Always think what would she do when a decision has to be made. DH thought the world of her.
His parents both died last month at 94. We are now the oldest members of our little family and I feel lost.

GrandmainOz Wed 27-Feb-19 08:14:25

1inamillionflowers

Urmstongran Wed 27-Feb-19 08:26:22

This is a week full of sad memories for me too. Mum died on 2 March last year. She was 86y and a joy to spend time with. She adored us all and me, unreservedly.
I’m crying now just sending this.

anxiousgran Wed 27-Feb-19 08:31:52

Sorry yo’ve lost your mum blacktabby. I hope you have someone to support you in your bereavement.
My mum died 10 years ago, and I still think about her every day. She was my first love affair!
I sometimes feel guilty about things I said and didn’t say, and how I wish I’d been with her the night she died.
Still, it’s right we should remember those we have loved so much, they live on in our hearts and memories.
The pain does lessen though,
flowers