Second year

I understand that Annie. That is exactly my situation. I kept going because things had to be done, first the funeral and then selling his home, coroner's inquest, paying his bills etc. It all took its toll but kept me busy. Then it was all done and the emptiness was worse.

Difficult Nonnie, but your son didn’t choose to die, you are not left with that one question which haunts me ‘was there anything more I could have done to stop my child dying in a river ‘, I will never know

Annie you must have been listening to my conversation yesterday! Of course you feel like that, parents always think they could have done something different, we all want to make everything right and I don't think many of us feel any different when they are independent adults. We still feel we should be able to kiss and make it better. However, there was probably nothing you could have done and we both have to accept that we can't bring them back. Beating yourself up and examining your past is not going to change a thing. Be kind to yourself.

I'm still haunted with the 'why and what?'. I don't think there was anything I could have done but will never know as I don't know how he died. I try to comfort myself that he is no longer in pain because he wasn't allowed to see his children. We have not only lost him, we have lost the GC too. Another comfort is that I am still hearing from his friends and keep finding out more about him and how good he was when anyone needed help or advice. I had no idea, he never said.

Oh Annie, my heart aches for you, you have suffered more grief than anyone deserves.

Dear MawBroon. You expressed exactly how I feel. Time hasn't healed anything yet, despite what so many people told me. It feels as raw as it all did 12 months ago.

A dear friend who lost her daughter to a random murder sent me this.

Grief never ends, but it changes.
It's a passage, not a place to stay,
Grief is not a sigh of weakness, not a lack of faith.
It's the price of love.

Anniebach is right. We have to be so glad for the love we had.

I send my love to you. XXX

it may sound simple but dad always used to leave a radio on when he went out so when he returned the house wasnt silent its still hard coming back to a empty house but least its not silent

I have hovered around this thread wanting to contribute. Even as a recently bereaved parent myself I still do not really know what to say to others. I can identify with all of what is said and my heart goes out to all of you.
We are all left here, living on, in a situation we could never have imagined. I find the future hard to comprehend without my child; every day I wake and think 'here we go again, another day'. I feel guilty seeing the sunshine when my loved one never will again. I dread being asked if I have children because I then make the person feel uncomfortable but I do not want to suppress my emotions because I need to pay homage to my grief and the love I have for my daughter.
We know that grief touches everyone at some point and despite how it feels the world keeps turning, unyet for us it has stopped.
My hope for all of us is that this pain subsides, we can accept that we couldn't have changed things, and we can feel comfort from the love we shared with our loved ones.

Biker, you may have felt you didn’t know what to say but you did say exactly how I feel . Please don’t hold back if you want to share your feelings and/or your thoughts.

My love and hugs x

Thank you Annie.
Hugs to you too. Xx

Sorry about your loss Maw and how you are feeling. Having not been in your position and dread the thought of it, I can’t give any constructive ideas, but just wanted to send big hugs to you xx

Anniebach my dear, if there had been anything you could do, you would have done it.

Biker I don't know your story but do feel your pain. There is no solace. It is no help to you to know that some of us are in the same situation. Have you heard of the Compassionate Friends? It is an organisation for bereaved families, no matter what age the child was. Big hug.