A lot of you will know my DiL died recently. The funeral has been arranged. So we are all at that horrible stage of dread. We know it has to be done but itās an truly horrible anxiety period of waiting. As well as bursting into tears and the horrible sadness Iām getting really anxious. We know and understand that numbers will be limited inside but people can line the route and stand outside. Thereās a wake after the service and the venue can accommodate a lot of people with social distancing for those who feel strongly about complying. Some are coming from 200 miles away. My relatives are travelling and will have to stay three days.many will be in hotels but obviously thereāll be lot of āgatheringsā probably at my house I would normally feel a little anxious about feeding and occupying relatives but now Iām getting into a real state about it. Im tired and emotionally drained. Im also worried about those who want to social distance. Itāll be near impossible, what with three young children whoāll run to much loved relatives for comfort. To make matters worse my oldest grandson(23) is insisting (heās already bought the ticket) on coming by train. Heās autistic and will have a long train journey and have to manage the underground by himself. Heās never done that before. I donāt know what to worry about the most. Iām starting to feel completely overwhelmed and with a feeling of absolute dread.
The other thing is Iām not sure about going to see my DiL in the chapel of rest. At first I said no. I spent a lot of time with my DiL before she went to the hospice. We became very close but my memory is of her in such distress that maybe if I saw her at peace it might help. Itās such a difficult decision. Oh dear
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