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My FIL has recently died. My MIL has a tiny pension, but owns (outright) two properties - the 4-bed detached house she lives in and a small flat (in a much less expensive part of the UK) that is rented out. We don’t know in detail about their finances, but roughly know the rental income, which will make up the main source of funds for my MIL to live on. We think she may have about £600 pm, with smallish (several thousand) savings. She lives a frugal lifestyle, but it doesn’t seem a lot to live on. The council tax where she lives in the SE is £3000 pa, but she will now be eligible for the single person discount.
When my FIL was alive he looked after the finances and used to say “You’ll have to look after us (financially) when we are older”.
There are two children, my husband and an older brother, also married with children.
I feel sorry for my MIL. Difficult time anyway, but I can imagine that worrying about finances on top of everything else must be stressful.
My husband’s brother (from right after my FIL died) was asking whether she will move out of her house. Understandably I think she found this quite upsetting. My hubby and I talked offline and I recommended that he should just reassure her that there is no need to make any rushed decisions and definitely stay put for a few months to see what the new costs/outgoings are for living alone and also what the income will be when we understand how much pension will be passed on from my FIL. If there is a small shortfall, I said to my husband that we can make up the difference.
If there is a big shortfall, I suggested to my husband that she could always move out of the 4-bed and live in the flat (which is close to family and old friends) for several months or a year or so. In view of the size and location disparity I think she could earn £1000 extra per month, which could build a buffer and savings to then allow her to move back to the 4-bed and would enable her to live without selling the properties.
Here is the bad bit (deep breath)... I am not keen on providing long term financial support (beyond £50-100 per month) to my MIL. We have zero savings, but a relatively good income (which goes on our three kids and enormous mortgage which we took on to buy a family home just outside London). We are not profligate, have camping holidays (!) and rarely eat out, but we do provide the kids with extra opportunities (swim lessons, private music and group drama lessons etc) and I see what a huge difference this makes to their lives. It sounds really mean spirited of me not to want to help/support, but my husband and I work so hard to give the kids these extra opportunities which they really appreciate and I have not ever factored in financing my MIL through the last 20 years of her life. My husband had no financial support as a young adult (I assume money was always tight) and he worked holiday jobs and took on student loans to get through university.
So my question is does anyone have experience of this kind of situation? Any recommendations or thoughts of how to help without depriving our own kids of the extra opportunities I would like to provide for them?
How much do you need to live a comfortable life as a pensioner?
My MIL is a private person. Should I or rather my hubby raise the solution of swapping properties to rent for a short period or is it none of our business?
Help please!
She hasn’t asked me for advice, but she has told my husband she is worried and doesn’t know how she will manage. She has brought it up with him. However, our finances are joint and so help from one of us is help from both of us.
Thanks so much for the bereavement allowance link. I will pass than info on. Very helpful
Not being unkind but, being born in a time where women mostly did not work, my DM lived on basic State Pension alone as there are attached benefits - housing benefit, no council tax, winter fuel allowance etc. If she really has a small income she will get help but while she owns property it is unlikely. She needs time to look at what she has so support her in making no rash decisions but talk about it if she wants to. However, I would think the 4-bedroom house is too big unless she is very emotionally attached and can manage all the upkeep. Maybe she could sell both properties, and get something she wants, without the hassle of being a landlady.
would she consider having lodger in future, or if she needs help in the house, to off-set a lodger/ home help for mutual benefit.
depends where house is, public transport, sources of jobs locally etc, as likely to attract low-income/student type.
but if she really wants to stay there, think all around the issue.
Maybe age UK can help out here.they do free advise for the elderly.
Maybe in a couple of months time, when things have settled down and her monthly incomings and outgoings will be clearer, she could sit down with your DH and they could run through exactly what money she has.
Unless she asks for your help I would leave her alone, she has 2 properties, she could sell both and move into something easier and still have some cash left over, but it’s too early to even suggest anything to her.
Unless she is extremely old and doesn’t know what’s going on, she might not take kindly to her family running through her options (especially as they don’t know the full picture) behind her back, so I wouldn’t say too much to her at the moment.i
I think that she needs to:
* get some financial advice (independent) and the age concern idea sounds good
* get some help if needed (from her sons??) with working out income, outgoings etc
* work out a monthly budget including a few "extras" etc
* work out if there is anything left for saving and if there is , how that will be done
And alongside all of the financial stuff she needs to think carefully about what she really wants to do, what would work best for her in her new future ...staying in the house; moving to a smaller place? a retirement flat? something else? Things she wants to do ...holidays; joining things; hobbies etc...and how this might impact on her financial decisions
This process should not be rushed - both life decisions and financial decisions ...and should take place over a period of time, allowing that as she is bereaved making huge decisions may take longer than normal
Most of all she should be supported in gaining confidence to make her own decisions having perhaps been somewhat deskilled by the way that things worked in her marriage as FIL took on all financial affairs. She will feel so good about herself if encouraged gradually to learn that she is perfectly capable of managing herself, her decisions and her life, I imagine!
I think you, your husband and MIL could perhaps get some independent financial advice.
I don't mean next week..... your FIL has only just died.
If she doesn't want the flat she already owns, could she sell the big house and buy a different flat? This would provide her with capital.
The advice a friend was given when she was widowed was 'Do nothing for a year'. Use that year to cope with your grief and take your time thinking about what next.
By the end of that year your MiL will know what her income is, whether she can live on it. She may, by then, be finding that a 4 bedroomed detached house (and I assume) garden are really more than she can cope with on her own. In which case it would be sensible to downsize, in the same area so that her social life remains intact. She could then sell the house, buy a smaller property and have some money behind her to add to her savings.
The best advice I would give is wait that year and use it to explore all the options, and gently think things through - and do not rush into anything final.
Seek financial advice from an advisor who specialises in dealing with older people and their particular problems
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