Not sure what to do

I was in a similar situation. My parents divorced when I was 11 and I saw my dad until I was 21 but then he stopped contacting me. I was taken up with getting married , having a family and just let the situation go. When I was 61, a son of my dad's cousin , who I didn't know existed, wrote to me to tell me he had found my dad in a home. He had taken his dad to visit and, 3 weeks later , my dad died. He had found me through social media. I attended his council arranged funeral with this new found relative, his dad, sister and my sister plus 2 people from the home. I was glad I attended and they gave me all his worldly goods - his old bus pass and one photo. I must say I thought he may have had a little more but felt unable to ask as I had never visited. A while later I was contacted by the heir hunters and eventually inherited £15,000. I had contemplated paying for the funeral myself but, until I inherited, could not afford to make the gesture. The home obviously had not known he had savings otherwise they would have covered the costs.

NannieN ...I don't even know my father's name or anything about him, so if I was in your position I would attempt to get more information while also stating I wasn't wealthy and couldn't pay for his funeral, so could it be paid for from his estate.

For him to list you as NOK at the care home, to me indicates he cared and thought about you, even though you weren't in his life, through no fault of your own. Family secrets are horrible and it's always the children who get hurt, and I speak from personal experience here.

Please ask if you are not paying the funeral costs will you still be permitted to attend? I would hate to be excluded as this is your one and only opportunity to do something for him.

Thinking of you

Your father could presumably have contacted you at any time after you came of age. He chose not to. That to me says it all.

Let the council or care home make the arrangements. I would not even bother to attend in these circumstances.

Oh goodness, so many suspicious posts, all assuming that there is some plot to make the poster pay for her Father's funeral. Maybe the poor man was unwillingly parted from his daughter, maybe he thought it best to remove himself from her life when her Mother moved away and then remarried, maybe the poor man was unhappy about not being involved in his daughter's life? Why not take this as an opportunity to find out more about the man, talk to the care home, find out if you have any uncles, aunts, cousins? As we know from many sad tales on here, you won't be the only one deprived of a parent by the actions of another. Let the council organise the funeral and take the costs from your late Father's estate, go along and talk to anyone else who is there. Of course, it is only my opinion, but I think it was unfair of your Mother not to tell you about your Father, unless of course she was escaping from violence. You owe it to yourself to find out a bit more, just for peace of mind even if you have no emotional relationship with your late biological Father.

From a recent experience with my Father who befriended a local Lady who lived in the same village by giving her a lift into town or doing a bit of handyman work for her, and refered to her as his Cousin, which she was not. When she passed away, she did not have the funds to cover her own funeral costs, so the Council took over the arrangements. Someone must have then mistakenly told them about her being my father's Cousin, to which he then received the forms for the costs included in disposing of her body and the clearance of the Council property where she lived by their public health department, for total cost of £3000!
It took a fair few phone calls to convince them that she was not a blood relative, had no savings, and lived on Benefits since her husband passed away many years ago. Her funeral was shared with others directly from the hospital mortuary, a simple cremation, with no mourners allowed.
In taking on the responsibility for your Fathers funeral you would probably also need to become the executor of any will be may have left. Not something to be taken on lightly as it's a Thankless job frought with legal jargon and any benefits Gained also come with a degree of Burdens, such has becoming responsible for the legal costs involved and the payment of any debts such as utility Bills, outstanding care home fees, or even extra services Bills he may have ran up In the home for the Barber or Chiropodist for example.

I agree you vrannygranbe

He named her as ne t of kin and so she should step uo

But its a personal thing and she should do what ever makes her feel comfortable I suppose