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Pain of loss

(33 Posts)
Skyblue2 Wed 05-May-21 17:20:50

Hello dear Gransnetters. Can anyone advise on how to cope with the pain of loss? I have recently lost my mum, a close friend, my husband of 32 years and a much loved pet. I feel a big space in me that hurts and I miss them all so much. How do you deal with pain - is it with you for the rest of your life? I wish I could be with them.

MawBe Sun 16-May-21 08:02:07

Dear Whiff what wonderful memories of your wedding and your marriage.
Even the most painful memories can be part of that amazing experience of knowing you were there “for better and for worse” and form the patchwork of the experiences which make up our lives.
Paw and I married in 1970 51 years ago and I lost him in 2017 but no one can ever take away the memories of the golden days.
And yes, to OP, the*pain of loss* describes it exactly - it’s like a punch in the solar plexus when you least expect it.
It “thumped” me again just 5 weeks ago when I lost my darling Hattie ? who had seen me through those dark days in 2017.
But with all the ups and downs- would we have had it otherwise? I doubt it. flowers

Whiff Sun 16-May-21 13:30:20

I can't thank you all enough for reading my post and your lovely messages. It's lifted my spirits. It's sunny so spent a couple of hours in my favourite place my garden. My husband always said I had a black thumb. I moved here nearly 2 years ago and have small garden with artificial lawn in the back and raised beds and paving in the front. At my old house the gardens where huge I had a gardener. But last year's first lockdown gave me the push strip out both gardens and re plant with what I wanted. Even brought myself a greenhouse and my seeds are growing.

MawBe sorry you lost your companion? . I don't have pets. But know pets get people through their darkest days. They give love unconditionally and will always listen to you never judge or criticise. I am sorry you lost Hattie so soon after your husband.

Even though we have lost our other halves we are lucky we found them. Some people go through their whole lives and never know love. But we have. ?

Whiff Fri 28-May-21 10:03:51

Hope you are finding a way to cope with your grief. Be kind to yourselves and take it one day at a time.

Had a sudden urge to look at my wedding album . So glad I did it made me smile and think were we ever that young. It was all typical 1980's fashions. Typical 1980's photo album. Also looking at all the guests and how many of them are not with us anymore. But glad they were able to share a really happy day with us.

Take care ?

maddyone Fri 28-May-21 10:13:46

This is such a sad thread, I can’t read and go. I feel so saddened by the losses you have all endured. All I can do is give flowers to you all thanks

Whiff Sat 29-May-21 07:47:32

Maddyone unfortunately it's the price we have to pay for loving and being loved. I have said before we where lucky to find the other half of ourselves. Doesn't matter if it was for a year or 50 the loss of half of you is still the same. Grief never ends but you learn to cope. I for one gladly pay the price for having 29 years with the love of my life and I was his.

Don't get me wrong we argued but making up was fun. We where both stubborn and had tempers. But I wouldn't have missed a second of our life together.

Funny thing is I hate ironing and one of the things I missed was ironing my husband's shirts. He had a clean on everyday sometimes 2 if he went out.

Is there something anyone else hated but after losing their loved one they really missed doing it ?

maddyone Sat 29-May-21 09:59:16

Loss is the price we pay for love Whiff. When we say ‘till death us do part’ we think it’s far away, not next year, as it is for some. But even when it’s many years , it’s a massive loss. And one half of the pair will always be left.

Anniebach Sat 29-May-21 10:09:31

I certainly did think ‘till death do us part’ was only 8 years away