Sunday, bloody Sunday!

I too find Sundays difficult , DH died 16 months ago from cancer. It’s strange as we didn’t do much on a Sunday, not religious and we rarely ate out but as I think it has been said before I miss “doing nothing with someone”. I do see my family often but Sundays are busy for them with young children and various activities. I tend to garden, when the weather permits and have my constant companion Radio 4 on . So sorry “Maw” ?

I feel the same about Sundays, lockdown seemed to make it easier as everyone was in the same boat, no-one allowed out. But I shouldn’t be on here.

Wishing you well Merlotgran.

I found the way to cope with Sundays being on my own for 2 years is to treat it like a weekday snd have a 'Sunday' in the week. Its amazing how much I get done!

oh MawBe... me to...

my dh died 18 months ago,, I have to count on my fingers (deep sighs)

I go to church Sunday morning,, been lucky with my church, nearby, 9 a.m. bit early, but... get to chat to some people, but I have found that even those people on their own seem to be "ok!" by that I mean, no one has asked me to join them afterwards.. I am back home about 10.30 11. .. depending if can stop and natter in the car park... I have my cat! and still it is the worst day .... though I think , hope,, keep on trying to get to love myself, be kind to me,, adjust to living my life according to what I like,, well that is what the "books etc! say to do.... I have a little garden, but still , nothing ,, strange,,

I actually find it one of the hardest things to do, is to talk about my dh, just starting to a bit, as long as I am in control of the conversation.. and the next , or equally hardest thing, is to ask for help, to admit that I need help,,, companionship,,

what is it? I wish I understood.

so yes, just agreeing. Sunday is not the best day... getting out is just a sticking plaster for the brief time being out.

I know it’s not for everyone but before lockdown I started going to the cinema on my own.
I’ve just booked a seat for this weekend as they’ve now reopened and am quite looking forward to it.

Oops. I didn’t realise thus was a bereavement thread either.
Sorry everyone

I am lucky enough to have a husband and I still hate bloody Sundays! Always did, ever since my parents used to sing along to Songs of Praise! Not a fan of Bank Hols either.

i agree, MawBe. I often imagine families having a roast dinner together on Sundays. At first I kept up the tradition of doing a roast but soon got tired of it. Now I just have a pot noodle or something.
Bank holiday weekends are the worst for me... and there's one just ahead.

Quaker meeting houses are usually very friendly. The meeting sits in a circle and they have coffee afterwards. I usually start a conversation with the person next to me
Do give them a try.

I well remember that feeling when I was a single parent. Everybody is having family time and you aren’t. I made Sunday my gardening day, propagating plants, pacing the grass cutting. On rainy days I’d read one of the big newspapers cover to cover.

It’s strange how little has changed since my husband left in 1977. Then Sundays were awful because families visited each other and no shops etc were open. I would have hoped that now nearly 45 years on, that things were easier but it appears not. Luckily I now have a partner so Sunday’s are no longer a problem.

I married late and spent a great deal of my adult life as the unmarried daughter, aunt, friend who felt and was sometimes made to feel that she was intruding if the loneliness on Sundays and other public holidays made me "fish" for an invitation to one or other of the couples I knew.

So I do know the feeling you are describing.

Here are some of the ways I tackled it.

Going to a museum, art gallery or the like on Sunday afternoons - hard to do right now, I realise, but ought to be possible again fairly soon.

Giving myself a treat - reading a new book, or a magazine, specially saved for Sunday to combat feeling alone.

Treating Sunday as an ordinary day and doing the washing or hoovering all the floors etc.

Reserving a hobby such as in my case dress-making for Sunday.

I admit none of this brought me into contact or conversation with others. Even though I could guess that some of the other visitors to the museum or walkers in the park were lonely too, I hesitated to speak to them. I was between late twenties and i´mid-forties - now I would probably be less hesitant about "speaking to strangers".

I hope you too find some way of combatting the horrible feeling of being alone and not wanting to be alone.

I know they say time heals, but my experience of bereavement is that the sorrow changes, it does not disappear completely, and yes, there will be days and occasions where the loss dominates our feelings, unfortunately, but trying to fill the times when we know we will be feeling sad, or just at a loose end does help.

I live alone and family don’t live close the way I look at it is it’s just a day. No different to any other but I do make myself a roast dinner for myself. Even Christmas Day when I’m alone still have dinner. Don’t over think it just think it’s a day. I avoid shops on Saturday and Sunday anyway, I pot around at home

Tbh MawBe,since lockdown i have to think hard what day it is.
Days seem to rolling into the next so quickly.
That being said,before lockdown i never liked sundays.

B9exchange

Polarbear I am really so sorry, there is no excuse for churches being cliquey. I know it happens as in every other organisation, but you would think they of all people would make an effort. Have you tried mentioning your hope for an opportunity to make friends to the pastor/vicar, they can often arrange ice breaking meetings, especially as we are now opening up again?

A neighbour of mine is a vicar. The cliquiness in her congregation have given her a nervous breakdown. She’s been signed off sick for two months. I remarked that (as an atheist) I had always assumed Christians behaved in a Christian manner. She just shook her head sadly and said ‘they’re the worst’. Not all Christians, obviously.

I know exactly what you mean MawBee. I find Saturdays the worse day - that was the day my ex-husband and I used to make snap decisions to go out somewhere for the day - pub lunch, walk through a park or stately home, afternoon tea somewhere, home, tired and relaxed. Now I try to fill my Saturdays with gardening, etc, but this weather makes that difficult.
Most of my friends see their families on Saturdays - mine come to me on most Sundays. Sadly, we just have to get on with it, because gloomy faces don’t attract people.

I get it MawBe.

I found Sundays worst day. So changed routine and shopped on a Sunday, worked for me.

? Oh, MawBe. I recognise very well your Sunday feeling and sympathise. Also widowed after 40+ happy years, it’s my lovely husband’s spontaneous phrases, “Shall WE?” and “Let’s” that I greatly miss on a Sunday. As in, “Shall we have a walk by the river?” Or, “Let’s have a drive out for afternoon tea.”.

Like others, I mostly try to keep busy on Sundays with church, music, reading, gardening etc. and I do have a lovely family and happily accept their occasional lunch invitations but generally, I feel Sunday is their couple/children time as they work hard all week.

Hope it helps a bit to know you’re not alone with the Sunday blues ?

Totally agree Mawbe. Have felt this since my divorce over 20 years ago. It was always then a day for family roasts. But isn’t it a comfort to hear that we’re not alone in our thoughts as is shown on this site x

So true MawBe. I have my daughter’s family near and sister regularly invites me for Sunday lunch but I still feel like the third wheel. I also feel lonely in the evening, especially if I have met up with a friend that day and know she goes home to her husband and I go home to an empty house. When you have spent 54 years with someone, being on your own is very painful.

I love Sundays as its a non working day for me. Great to get up in my own time, sort the pets, walk the dogs (no rush as do not have to get to work) then back for a leisurely breakfast before deciding what, if anything to do with my day. When I was furloughed I began to see how retirement could be. I'm newly "single" enjoying the freedom of that and now preparing to retire so that everyday is like Sunday, can't wait.

My daughter was 13 when I divorced, I hated Sundays (still
do really) I felt so guilty. By chance one of her friends
joined us for lunch, and I made an effort. The friend did this
regularly for a few years. The girls are now 30 and recently
'the friend' commented that her home life , which she kept
secret on, was dreadfull and her happiness was Sunday with us.

It keeps being mentioned that this is a bereavement thread but in fact it comes up as a general trending thread. I had no idea it was a bereavement topic when I started reading and I’m sure many others didn’t realise either. Sympathy to all affected.

I was just thinking the same thing - how hard Sundays are and will be - but react differently. DH died two months ago on a Sunday and I find I just have to hole up and withdraw that day of the week. I actually don’t want to socialize or even chat on the phone. We were both retired so Sunday wasn’t really that different from any other day for us, but now it’s a day that I do whatever I can to either distract or comfort myself. And I read Elly Griffiths as well.