Sunday, bloody Sunday!

Oh, you are so right. In the 17 months since my husband's death, I have come to loathe Sundays.
I am hoping that, as the world opens up again, I will be able to once more take part in some of the volunteering and activities we used to do together on Sundays but, until that happens, it's very much a day to be got through somehow. And that is a very sad state of affairs; we only get one life and it's too soon over.

Maw I’m with you on that, my mother always said Sunday was the worst.
Even worse if as a child you experienced boarding school which meant Sunday was horrible.

Thirteen years on here, and I agree with you MawBe. I start the day telling myself, ‘it’s just another day’, but as the day wears on I get more lonely.

I suppose I am lucky to have a faith, as Sundays for me is church, and in usual times, a good natter over coffee afterwards. I am also very fortunate that DH is still with me, I can imagine how awful days of family celebration would be without him, and Sunday would then probably be my most social day of the week!

There must be so many others in your situation, if you put something on your local neighbourhood site, might you not be able to find a few others to go and have coffee with at a garden centre or similar? I am probably being naive, and you can freely tell me to shut up, but I just wanted to say I can understand why Sundays are bleak for you.

Yes Maw I do. I find around late afternoon to early evening the worst. It also doesn’t help that DH died on a Sunday. I do my food shop on a Friday, mostly stay at home Saturday and Sunday and by then I’ve had enough and go out somewhere, anywhere on a Monday just to feel normal.

I feel the same about bank holidays

Me too! As a sole parent, when my daughter was small, I hated Sunday - families doing things together, I found it very depressing. I've been on my own for years and Sunday is no different to any other day here in Sydney.

Not widowed-divorced- but yes same here. I’m not religious but I found a little Unitarian Chapel and went every Sunday morning. It got me out and I found once I was out I’d then go somewhere else - a park or gardens maybe. Or retail therapy if it was rainy. I had hoped to make friends of course but unfortunately they were as cliquey as other churches I’ve visited. The services were lovely tho. Very peaceful and happy.

Yes Sunday is a strange day. I think everyone likes to get back to a bit of a routine on a Monday. Apart, of course, those who work.

MawBe. You have hit the nail on the head.

Polarbear I am really so sorry, there is no excuse for churches being cliquey. I know it happens as in every other organisation, but you would think they of all people would make an effort. Have you tried mentioning your hope for an opportunity to make friends to the pastor/vicar, they can often arrange ice breaking meetings, especially as we are now opening up again?

There must be so many others in your situation, if you put something on your local neighbourhood site, might you not be able to find a few others to go and have coffee with at a garden centre or similar?
As I said B9 it is hard to take the initiative to ask someone when most people are with husbands/children/ grandchildren - you don’t like to intrude on their family time.
And as for “many others” ? I perhaps know about 10 or so women who have lost their husbands, few of them within my area but of those, some have extended families locally anyway.
Forgive me, while I am sure you mean it kindly, if you still have your husband you really can’t appreciate the situation.
Loneliness, grief, “nobody to do nothing with” , loss of confidence in social situations where everybody else is a couple, and while galleries etc are opening up again, going round them alone followed by a solitary coffee was what I used to do out of desperation, but believe me- it is very hard.

Maw ?

It must be difficult Maw I can’t offer a solution, but thinking of you.

It’s a difficult day for me too.
Pre pandemic I would go to church then have a coffee and chat with people. The new rules have made it a very isolating experience so I don’t go now but may do when things get back to normal.
I have no family locally and friends have their Sunday routines which sometimes include me but I don’t like being the +1 on a trip out when I feel like I am encroaching on ‘their’ time as a couple.
You only really get it once it happens to you.
Maw and everyone else facing today alone

I’m not sure if Sunday is the worst day ! I get virtual church still , l think I’m becoming a recluse , I don’t want to go out . My cleaning lady comes Sunday, I decamp next door and hide in Daughters sitting room , at least it has a different view from mine , even if it’s only next door
Three years on and I do miss OH , but we did do a lot of stuff separately, stemming from finding it hard to get babysitters, by the time they had all flown the nest we had found different things to do , holidays were together and I do miss that
It’s the middle of the week I find hard , don’t know why

I am with you there Maw - so much is hard, as you are aware that couples have their own things to do and you do not want to tag along as a spare part or because you are pitied.

Can I recommend Sunday afternoons on Radio 3? - this is what sees me through. So many lovely programmes then, including the evensong (I am not religious at all, but the music is divine) and Words and Music which is restful and beautiful.

It makes you wonder why we have Sunday. So many people hate it. Johnny Cash even wrote a song about it.

“Cos there’s something about Sunday
Makes a body feel alone”

I’ve moved in and out of Sundays alone over the years, with the flow of life. My best refuge alone was Waitrose with coffee and the Sunday papers.

I get an idea of what it is like as my DH usually works every Sunday. Lock down has made it much worse.
Often go to the allotment.
Before Lockdown I was thinking of inviting people to Sunday dinner but now have no reception room!
And eating outside in this weather not very easy.
Now things are starting up it is easier to find something to do.

Yep. Agree, but since lockdown most days have been bloody. This widow lark doesn’t get any easier. Sunday is in my mind when families get together and ‘do’ stuff and I feel very much out on a limb knowing that my own family are having fun, like we did when they were young, and Im not. ?

In a funny (funny, not funny) lockdown levelled the playing fired!
Just wish you lived nearer all those who have shared my sentiments.
Ah well, better do the bins//walk my poor neglected Rosie/put some lunch in the oven/carry on reading my Ellie Griffiths book.

B9exchange

Polarbear I am really so sorry, there is no excuse for churches being cliquey. I know it happens as in every other organisation, but you would think they of all people would make an effort. Have you tried mentioning your hope for an opportunity to make friends to the pastor/vicar, they can often arrange ice breaking meetings, especially as we are now opening up again?

I’d go (pre lockdown of course) and at the tea and biscuits afterwards I’d be approached by someone asking snootily ‘so what other church do you attend’? (Bear in mind this is Unitarian chapel). I’d say none. They’d say ‘oh, so you don’t go to X or Y?’ No says I. Ohhh - and they’d walk away and talk to someone else they knew. I’m quite a smiley approachable person and happy to chat to anyone but I was ignored. I did speak to the leader but he wasn’t there much. Eventually I stopped going to the tea thing and just enjoyed the services - which were great. Very uplifting. It is a shame as you say because church should be THE most welcoming place there is. (I think??)

MawBe

In a funny (funny, not funny) lockdown levelled the playing fired!
Just wish you lived nearer all those who have shared my sentiments.
Ah well, better do the bins//walk my poor neglected Rosie/put some lunch in the oven/carry on reading my Ellie Griffiths book.

I’ve wondered - for myself but it might work for others… there’s a local fb page I’m on. I saw in lockdown someone ask for a walking buddy and she got several replies. I’m not alone now but I’ve thought if you have the confidence to just ask I’d bet there’s loads out there who’d join you for a walk (gentle or otherwise) or a coffee or ? I suspect we all sit at home thinking everyone else is busy when ‘everyone else’ isn’t ?? Just need someone to make the first move. Sunday socials should be a thing!

Sundays seem to drag when you are on your own and making a Sunday roast seems to be such a waste. I only hear from my close friend at the weekend when her family aren't around and her hubby has something else on. At least through the week you can nip out shopping to break the day up, shops on Sundays are nuts and I wouldn't want to go near them.