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I feel broken today

(73 Posts)
maddyone Thu 02-Mar-23 15:05:44

I’ve just driven to my local shops and parked the car. I’m sitting in the car crying. I see so many sights that remind me of my mother on the way here, her flats, the shops she liked etc. She died last August. Our relationship wasn’t always easy but I loved her. I did so much for her after she moved to be near us after my father died. I went to the flat two days ago to pick up the post and ended up crying there too. I miss her so much and would just like to see her again.
My daughter and her family moved to New Zealand eighteen months ago. I miss them so much too. Now my daughter’s marriage has broken up. We spent two months in New Zealand and have just returned. We had such a lot to do with the children since the day they were born and it was wonderful to see them and it was very clear that they were equally delighted to see us. My granddaughter clung to me and broke her heart when we said goodbye, likewise my daughter.
When we got home I had to carry on with sorting out mum’s things including her estate. The flat was sold but we lost the buyer. I had to tell my sister who is a difficult person to deal with, estranged as she is from two of her children. And barely speaks to her third. She was so, so nasty on the phone to me which really upset me again. She’s demanded her share of the estate after having agreed we would share it all out in one go at the end. I just sent it to her, I can’t deal with her nastiness any longer.
I’m sorry, I’m just pouring it all out. I know no one has a solution, it is what it is. There’s lots more background to all this but you’ve read enough if you’ve got this far.
Thanks for reading.

Zoejory Thu 02-Mar-23 15:12:51

Oh maddyone, I'm so sorry. Sometimes life and its events can just get so overwhelming.

I had problems with my sister after my mother died. I'd had problems with her all my life to be fair, we never got on. But It makes the grieving process so difficult when dealing with arguments and nastiness.

I'm so fortunate that my children are all still reasonably local. It really must be heartbreaking when they're on the other side of the world.

Lots of love to you and, as my Grandma always used to say, this too shall pass. I was never sure if that was particularly helpful but it is true.

Hithere Thu 02-Mar-23 15:15:08

So sorry you are going through this

I heard this once and it clicked -
do your best everyday
your best depends on the challenges you experience

On day you are ready to conquer the world and achieve a lot

Another- just living minutes by minute and surviving it is your best

Hithere Thu 02-Mar-23 15:16:25

One day, not on day

BlueBelle Thu 02-Mar-23 15:16:46

maddy I m sorry, it so hard to lose a mum or dad I still think of so many things i wish I done, wish I d said ,wish I hadn’t said and want them back just one last time (and I lost them both 11 years ago and I can still set off crying like I am doing now)
All I can do is send a little hug of understanding through the air to you 🫶🏼

GrannyGravy13 Thu 02-Mar-23 15:18:47

Sorry you are upset maddyone

I have no words to make you feel better other than tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully things will look and feel better 🌸🌸🌸

Marydoll Thu 02-Mar-23 15:24:50

Maddy, I was so sad to read how upset you are. 🌺

Parsley3 Thu 02-Mar-23 15:25:59

So sorry that you are having to cope with so many losses, maddyone. Look after yourself and things will be a wee bit better tomorrow. 💐

Whitewavemark2 Thu 02-Mar-23 15:27:35

maddyone I think most have been through this one way or another. One minute you are coping the next you are in absolute bits. The most ridiculous set me off , like a tin of butter beans - my father loved them.

But honestly, “this too will pass” .

Be gentle with yourself and do what you think best. Some people lose themselves in work ( that works for me) others need to cuddle up and pamper themselves.


suninthewest Thu 02-Mar-23 15:56:05

Sending much love x

Blossoming Thu 02-Mar-23 15:56:22

So sorry (*Maddyone*, all these reminders are really hard x

sodapop Thu 02-Mar-23 16:03:33

So sorry maddyone that's a lot of unhappiness all at once, no wonder you are feeling weighed down by it all. You can't resolve everything for everyone so just deal with one thing at a time.
Make some time just for you to do something which relaxes you. Take care of yourself it's really important.

rosie1959 Thu 02-Mar-23 16:25:45

So sorry Maddyone sounds as if you have too much to deal with at this moment in time. I lost my mum over 20 years ago she wasn't much older than I am now. But although I can't see her physically she in my mind is still there watching over me.
Time will help x

Fleurpepper Thu 02-Mar-23 16:31:57

So sorry to hear. Don't want to pour our own story, but only to say I understand- the loss, and the distance. Huge hugs.

Kim19 Thu 02-Mar-23 16:35:20

Hey Maddy 🌷 at least you've offloaded your sister. Bravo you! Little steps. Go easy on yourself and offload here as often as you need to. I feel for you.

Namsnanny Thu 02-Mar-23 16:38:03


So sorry you are going through this

I heard this once and it clicked -
do your best everyday
your best depends on the challenges you experience

On day you are ready to conquer the world and achieve a lot

Another- just living minutes by minute and surviving it is your best

Thank you for posting this Hithere

I would echo this, maddyone

crazyH Thu 02-Mar-23 16:49:12

Some lovely posts here - I can’t add any more, other than to say, it does get better.🌼

pascal30 Thu 02-Mar-23 17:00:21

Hello Maddy, it's so normal to grieve for at least three years.... and some times will be worse especially if your sister is being so horrible to you. I did wonder whether you have considered going to live in New Zealand near to your DD and start a fresh new life... if that would be possible..

AGAA4 Thu 02-Mar-23 17:13:52

So sorry maddyone. Life is very hard sometimes💐

welbeck Thu 02-Mar-23 17:22:39



So sorry you are going through this

I heard this once and it clicked -
do your best everyday
your best depends on the challenges you experience

On day you are ready to conquer the world and achieve a lot

Another- just living minutes by minute and surviving it is your best

Thank you for posting this Hithere

I would echo this, maddyone

double ditto

Smileless2012 Thu 02-Mar-23 17:26:15

Oh maddy you've had so much to deal with, I'm sorry that your sister continues to be difficultflowers. I can understand you giving her her share of the estate, and hope this means you wont have to have contact with her for sometime at the very least.

Knowing that your D's marriage has broken up would be hard at the best of times but with her living so far away, and while you're still trying to come to terms with the loss of your mum, this will be even more difficult for you to contend with.

Our relationship wasn't easy but I loved her, yes you did and she couldn't have had a better daughter.

TerriBull Thu 02-Mar-23 17:29:51

flowers Sorry for your recent bereavement Maddy.

I still miss my mother, I often look at a framed photograph I have of us together and think has it really been nearly 15 years? our last time together is so fresh in my mind. Having returned from Canada a few days before, I nearly cancelled our lunch together I was so tired, thank God I didn't, we had a lovely time, she died the following day.

So many of us with difficult siblings, mine died a few years after my mother.

grannyactivist Thu 02-Mar-23 17:30:49

What a sad situation you’re in maddyone. It’s perfectly understandable to me that you need to take a moment and say how you’re feeling - and I’m glad to see so many caring replies.

One day at a time. 💐

LRavenscroft Thu 02-Mar-23 17:41:23

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this at the moment. It sounds as if everything has come at the same time and it also sounds as if you are the one in the middle of it all. First of all, you say 'we'. Is this referring to your partner or husband? If so, would it be possible to sit down with them and ask how they are feeling about things at the moment. My husband and I went through a very difficult patch with his dad when he was dying but we sat down and just talked and got things into batting order. It helped tremendously as there was always that 'we' to lean back on. If you are on your own, please find some activities to do that bring you a little joy each day, bar chocolate, cosy sit by fire with favourite book, and really revel in the moment. Also, you are going to miss your mother something wicked. My dad died four years ago and I was sitting on the bus on this fine spring day and thought about him and how he was and just felt myself welling up. It is so natural. Could you sit down with a special diary and perhaps right down all the lovely memories of your mum, sayings, what she taught you, stories from her youth? Journaling can bring some much need relief. Your sister sounds what you said she was so have you considered cutting your losses with her and seeking the company of kind people. It does make a difference when you are with someone and you know you can just be you. Also, with your daughter and her children at such a distance, it is bound to make you feel very alone as she is also going through a difficult time. Do you have a facility to chat to her regularly on FB, Facetime or Whats app? Could you set a regular time each week and jot down a few things you want to say or ask? Life is not easy when you are between a rock and a hard place, but just going easy on yourself and knowing that you are doing your best is a start and keep repeating to yourself 'I am doing my best', and don't allow the negative people in this world grind you down, At the end of the day, they are just not worth it. Sending you huge amounts of healing blessings. You are strong, you will get through this.

Callistemon21 Thu 02-Mar-23 17:43:14

maddyone I'm so sorry you're so upset, everything must feel overwhelming at the moment.

You couldn't have been a better daughter and you won't have to deal with your toxic sister any more now; she is not your responsibility at all.

You're having your Annus Horribilis and I hope things will improve soon for you and for your daughter and family too.