Thank you so much everyone for your kindness and compassion. This is the best of Gransnet, the love and support we receive from other grans during bad times. Today has been a really difficult day for me, for two reasons I think. The first is that today is my daughter’s birthday. We celebrated whilst we were out in New Zealand, a joint celebration for her and for my birthday in two weeks (we’re both having a big birthday this year.) My daughter organised a little holiday for her and the children, travelling today, but when she arrived at the airport there was a problem with some of the paperwork and they couldn’t travel. Those three little people would have been so very disappointed, not to mention my daughter’s disappointment. Of course, as a parent, you feel the pain of your child, and the pain of your grandchildren. I feel it as a real pain, and I can’t do anything to help, or even much support, they’re just so far away.
On top of that, tomorrow we (my husband and myself) are driving north to see my husband’s father who is 95 years old and in a home, but he’s been taken into hospital again today with breathing problems, the second time in a week. Also we’re meeting my darling niece, almost a second daughter to me, and we’re going to scatter mum and dad’s ashes near the village where mum was born, as per mum’s wishes. I was going to do this with my sister but I can’t face her now, after her unkind words, and so I’m doing it with my niece. But it’s only going to be half the ashes. My lovely DiL suggested we split the ashes as she knows I can’t see my sister again now, and so we have to give half the ashes to my sister. I’m not sure when, as my niece can’t take them as she would suffer abuse from her mother if she knew my niece had seen me and helped me. However, it really goes against the grain to split mum and dad’s ashes, my whole being cries out against it, but it must be. I cannot be abused again by my sister by seeing her. It’s so painful when family members are abusive but my sister is. She’s alcoholic and has mental health difficulties (has had for years) which manifest themselves in abuse and nastiness towards others. She regularly wouldn’t speak to mum for a few weeks and she’d send mum vile texts which my lovely DiL would delete every Friday when she visited, before mum had a chance to see them (mum wasn’t too good with her mobile towards the end.) I never looked, I didn’t want to see them. It annoyed me enough that my sister upset mum by refusing to speak to her often.
Thank you again, you are all so kind. I am weary today. I’ll be better tomorrow, and especially when my niece and I have scattered some of the ashes.