Hope you don't think I am crass, but I do need advice

Message withdrawn by GNHQ.

You won’t be looking in to GN today Grandtante but I am sure everybody joins me in sending and our love and support on this hardest of days
Thinking of you xx

grandtanteJE65 sorry only just read of the death of your husband. I am very sorry but glad he saw his son and you where with him.

Your husband sounded like my husband when you said he couldn't live a tolerable life with cancer. Bet your husband was like mine on the go all the time and proud to take care of his family and ready to help anyone who needed it . What I call a man's man .

As I wrote before my husband never wanted anyone to know he would not live 5 years after the diagnosis and the cancer removed . Only the children and I knew. But it was he's choice .

I bet your husband was like mine he didn't want to be seen as different . He still wanted to be himself and be treated as he always was. Not as my husband said people would treat him as dead man walking . Which happened when he was terminal. So he cut some people out of his life. He was proud and still wanted us to be as we always where. As we had always argued about stupid things never any important we still did.

My husband saw the 6 tumours as a blackness eating him alive and he hated it . Palliative chemo robbed him of the 2 things he loved taste as he loved food and became impotent. He cried he was dieing and couldn't make love to me.

Cancer robbed your and my husband of the men they where.

You may feel how I do the moment your darling husband took his last breath you lost half of yourself. As you made a whole. Together you completed eachother. The only person in the whole world who knew the real you and you him . And a love like that never dies . But I hope you feel as I do to be so loved and love in return we where lucky . As some people can live their whole lives and never have that. That's why it's so hard when the one person you want and need dies.

Love like that never dies and it's very early days for you . But as much as you want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out . I know that's what I wanted to do but couldn't. My husband was a wise man and thing your husband was the same. My husband made me promise lot of things the main one was life your life to the full. But I couldn't do that until I moved here in 2019.

It's hard I didn't want to bother getting washed and brush my teeth but made myself do it. It would have let my husband down if I didn't.

It's important you look after yourself I know you probably don't want to bother but what would your husband want you to do.

I don't know if you have felt the rage and anger at him dieing but it's all part of grief. Nearly 20 years on I still feel that rage and anger but use it to keep me going everyday.

Grief like love is individual. But I would say don't hold your feelings in cry ,shout ,swear or hit a pillow. Whatever you need. I talk out loud to my husband everyday . I have swore at him even blamed him for dieing but I then see him with that stupid grin on his face and feel better.

Unfortunately you will soon find out who your real friends are and not just friends but some relatives as they disappear one the funeral is over.

I slept with a cuddly snowman for 8 months to hold onto something. Nearly 20 years on still hate the empty bed. If there is something of your husband's that gives you comfort something he wore either after shave or a jumper then use them . Take comfort from them. 💐

I rarely post without RTFT. I’d never post on a sensitive thread like this one without reading every previous comment

Don’t worry, I wasn’t referring to you.

Germanshepherdsmum

We have now had two instances of people not RTFT, in the circumstances it’s very upsetting that they haven’t bothered to do so.

Yes and when in the early hours of the morning I realised how upsetting my post would appear I tried very hard to have it removed. Unfortunately GNHQ ignored my repeated requests. There seems to be no way on here to correct a mistake unlike on Mumsnet when you have a little time to edit. And most other social media where you can delete a post.

Message withdrawn as it refers to a post that's been removed.

My sincere condolences grandtante 💐
May you find comfort from your memories of special times you shared.

Sincerest condolences Grandtante to you and your Son.

My condolences grandtante thoughts with you and your family.

We have now had two instances of people not RTFT, in the circumstances it’s very upsetting that they haven’t bothered to do so.

@ Ali08 - FFS, RTFT

Grandtante, I can't say anything that hasn't been said by others but can only add how sorry I am to read your news and that Mr GT lost the battle so soon. Take care of yourself now and know that, however dark it is right now, there will be light and sunshine again one day. ((Hugs))

Message withdrawn by GNHQ.

Sending my condolences to you and your family Grandtante 💐

So sorry Grandtante my condolences to you and your family. Take heart that it was a peaceful ending and that you and your son were with him . Take care of yourself .

So very sorry Grandtante.

There are no words that can be a comfort just at the moment except maybe that your dear husband is at rest and doesn’t have to struggle anymore. Take care of yourself if you can for a bit now.

So very sorry to hear of your sad loss and send you my deepest sympathy . I hope the messages from GN will give you comfort .

Sorry, my apologies.

LBC, grandtante’s husband has died. Obviously you haven’t read the posts just before yours. I hope you apologise to her. This is the worst example of not RTFT I have ever seen,

My sympathies grandtante as there's nothing more worrying than coping with a diagnosis as a partner.

There's a book called 'Selfish pig's guide to caring' by Hugh Marriott (not that I'm saying you're a selfish pig) and it has lots of practical advice to those in your position.

Also support groups are excellent- they can give practical help and a shoulder to cry on - both much needed.

My best wishes to you both.

My sincere condolences grandtante, to you at this very sad time.

Those are lovely words that Rosiesmaw has shared.

Grantante, So very sorry for your loss, glad he saw his son. My late husband was I’ll St this time of year with terminal cancer, which he wouldn’t let anyone know about, the worst time of our lives, he died just after Christmas, I cried when I read your news, it’s like no other feeling isn’t it, those that have experienced such loss understand, the way I cope now is not to go back to those dark days in my head. Take just one day at a time, one step in front of the other and most of all be kind to yourself. You did your best and he had you always by his side.I
know you don’t think so at the moment, but you will eventually smile and remember all the good times, that hole inside doesn’t really heal completely, but you live round it and find joy in life.
God bless.

So sorry for your loss, grandtante. Sending sincere condolences

Grandetante I send heartfelt condolences for your sudden loss.
You have a lot to do now. But I know that we widows will be there to offer any support we can.