My husband and I don't want a funeral when we die

My daughter agrees that I should have a funeral and be buried when I die. She said that she needs to sit somewhere near me and finish all the interrupted conversations we never quite finished.

Each to their own. OP’s business is not mine and mine’s my own.

I find the idea of not having a funeral odd, and would never have not had funerals for my parents. For both of them my children talked about their grandparents with love and humour. They really were able to capture their grandparents exactly. It’s part of the grieving process, and although we had a wake, with food (people who had travelled needed to be fed) we most certainly did not have a party, just a pleasant coming together of family and close friends over food and a drink.
I will not leave any instructions regarding myself because a funeral is for the living, not the dead. It’s an opportunity to acknowledge the grief, and to remember the person, and to draw comfort from being with the people who also cared for the person who has died.

MissAdventure

I don't think anyone has accepted it by the time the funeral happens.

Not having a funeral is becoming more and more common, though.

It is and it’s a very personal thing, but I do know a couple of people, those left behind, who felt something was “missing” from the grieving process.

Me too MissA that’s why I ve done it all so no one else has to do anything when time comes
My mum wanted burying dad wanted cremating but went along with mum, so when they died I knew dad would want to be with her so had a double grave but it was so difficult all the arrangements (6 months apart) etc so wanted to make it as easy as possible for my kids (well my daughter, as my other kids live away overseas)

Thank you.
Not for me, then, a lot of shilly shallying around.

I just want to get the job done and dusted.

Two of my friends have opted for the science route but both have paid for a simple cremation in case My daughter didn’t want me to give my body and I respect her opinion, as others have said it’s for the living and what’s comfortable for them

Yes, you do need to have a plan B in place, just in case they don't accept the body, which can happen for any number of reasons - and did in the case of my mother, as at the time, they already had their full quota.

Have you got a contingency plan, Petra?

Food or anything Coop sells missA maybe a bottle of wine or two 🤣🤣🤣 hic

Both our bodies are are donated to science.
Hopefully they still want them when the time comes. 😂
I asked my daughter if she wanted the bodies ( after 3 years) she said what for 😂

I shall have a woodland burial, next to my husband who died last year. What sort of service will be up to my family, but if I am still attending church I would expect them to invite the vicar to lead something informal with beautiful music, as we did for DH., for close family only. We had a service in church a month later attended by many, including those watching the live-stream or the recording. I don’t expect the family to do that for me as they are not particularly religious.
I do think funerals are for the living and they will mourn or celebrate my life in their own way.

I don't think anyone has accepted it by the time the funeral happens.

Not having a funeral is becoming more and more common, though.

I won't be having a funeral. The death of anyone you love is upsetting.
I've seen many people start to accept the death of someone they love but feel upset as they don't know how they will cope with the funeral. On the day they have been heartbreakingly upset again .
I will have already died and I don't want my family to go through a service. They can all get together for a meal or each remember me in what ever way they feel comfortable.

What can you spend the co op stamps on, BlueBelle ?

I ve now arranged and paid for my simple cremation co op was the cheapest and I got £175 in co op stamps back so useful 🤣🤣🤣
My eldest who lives in my town can really rest now as I ve done it and she knows to have a little meal out if there’s anyone around to have it with and then my ashes can either go in the North sea or our nearby Bluebell woods both places I love Hopefully I ve taken all the pressure off her
She knows about it all and is in agreement all my paperwork is up to date and in a fireproof case in my bedroom
I can rest now it’s all done and dusted
My children and grandchildren that live overseas can visit while I m still alive ( hopefully) instead

I don't know what I want - but I do know I have been to funerals where grief was dramatic but definitely insincere acting - as well as the genuine ones.

Calipso

My Mum's funeral was just lovely, not a sad day at all but a celebration of her long life. I had planned it with my brother and it gave me such comfort. Her whole family was there including all her grandchildren and great grandchildren including two little babes in arms.
She would have really enjoyed it.

Ditto both my mum and dad’s funerals.

I kept the service short and exactly as they would have wanted it, then had a great wake and truly celebrated their lives.

It helped us all enormously in the grieving process.

M0nica

Remember funeral, or no funeral, plans are for the living. You have no means of knowing, or controlling how your body is disposed of after you have died.

I am leaving it to my children to do what they want to do when the time arrives. What I do want, is for them to dispose of my remains in a way that brings them most solace and I care not what that way may be.

Same here.

My husband and I have decided to leave our bodies to medical science. One of the main reasons is that we live abroad and over here you could die on the Monday and be buried on the Wednesday which logistically would make a funeral quite unrealistic. However, I am compiling a playlist as long as my arm for my daughter to play at a small family gathering.

I want everything! My selected music and the black horse with plumes

I am not having a funeral. I've spoken to my daughters and they think that's okay with them.
I've stated , I wish to be taken from where I die direct to local crematorium and tell them to deal with it. I have an insurance to pay for this in place.

My Mum's funeral was just lovely, not a sad day at all but a celebration of her long life. I had planned it with my brother and it gave me such comfort. Her whole family was there including all her grandchildren and great grandchildren including two little babes in arms.
She would have really enjoyed it.

I agree wh you Madgran77

Funerals are for the living not the dead. Following someone's wishes can be a comfort, a last gift or a painful ignoring of ones own needs in bereavement. I will leave what happens entirely up to my kids and what they want to do.