My husband and I don't want a funeral when we die

You are the poster who has never felt bereaved when people close to you have died, very strange. Funerals are for the living. Perhaps you should ask your family what they would like. I am a Christian and will have a Church funeral.

It's up to each individual to intimate their wishes to their family. More people are opting for direct cremations now too, where the body is simply taken away for cremation then the ashes returned at a later date. The family can then decide what to do with them, whether to have some kind of celebration of the deceased's life etc.

Of course we have discussed it with our children. Our eldest girl is a Vicar, but will adhere to our wishes as will our other children.

It's quite usual these days.

My Aunt & uncle have opted for the same. Then I was reading a book by Wendy Mitchell about her experience of living with Dementia and she speaks about telling her daughters that she didn’t want a funeral and they were disappointed and said a funeral would help them grieve and she’d never thought of that. Personally I’m in two minds, a funeral is meant to be a celebration of someone’s life, butI don’t like the thought of my children being so upset, sounds silly as they are adults. I will probably speak to my boys and they will say ‘we don’t want to talk about things like that’, but we do! These are your final wishes at the end of the day, which should be respected by others.

There was no funeral for my uncle. It's what he and my aunt wanted and my cousins agreed to it.

My father was sad about not being able to go to his brother's funeral. He would have found it comforting.

Honouring someone’s wishes is not the same as being comfortable with them.

I'm to be cremated. What my Sons do with my ashes is upto them. At my cremation, no prayers or hymns. I've told them I want 2 songs played, They're Coming To Take Me Away by Dr Demento and Bat Out Of Hell. No formal speeches if anyone wants to say anything that's up to them. I want my cremation to be short and sweet. Any Wake is also upto my Sons. hugs

There is nothing unusual about how you feel. Lots of people feel like that.

Personally I dont give a d*mn. I will not be around to know whether my children toss me in the land fill bin or hire Westminster Cathedral and pay for a full choral Requiem Mass, followed by interrment under a rival for the Albert memorial.

I feel exactly the same.

I found that organising funerals for my parents was cathartic.

It was also a surprise to me how many other people genuinely seemed to have loved them - and it was a terrific comfort to me to know they had touched so many lives.

I'm grateful that they didn't say "no funeral" to me - though I would, of course, done as they wished.

A friend has recently died and had paid for a direct cremation. His widow said that it was straightforward and has organised a meeting in a local hall to remember him as he used to be.
There will be a buffet and as many photos of him as she can find.
We are thinking of paying for direct cremations soon. I think I will talk to my children when they come to the 'remembrance party'.

We wanted direct cremation, my children took umbrage, so cremations are paid already for both of us.

Direct cremation for me.
Mine know where I want my ashes to be scattered.

I get very sad when I read this because it makes me ask how much did you value your life?
I have been to a few cremations recently where there was little sense of the unique value of the individuals life. It seemed a case of, 'let's get it over and one with' as if the bereaved just wanted to forget what that person meant to them.

I was recently bereaved and we had a very traditional church funeral followed by a burial and a wake that went on well into the evening.
The church was packed, the hymns sung with gusto and the eulogy applauded. No one could have left without a sense that my dear relative's life had really been worth living.
There seems to be a growing industry around the loss of pet, but the end of a human life seems to be disregarded.
I find this a very sad reflection of the society we are now living in.

You are not alone in that.

Yongy you have started another thread that says you have never grieved for anyone family and friend who has died.

You have already upset me for one by starting that thread . Are we to be bombarded by your starting different threads .

Do you even feel love ?

There are lots of people without friends or family, lots of displaced, poorly people who have fallen through the net.

With nobody left to care much, there isn't much point in having a big do to mark the end of their lives.

I m not interested in a big funeral either I ll have a cremation
hopeful if I ve got friends and family around ( 2 children and 5 grandchildren live overseas ) but those here will have a get together and remember me I hope fondly I ll sort the cremation out using the least expensive and leave enough money to raise their glasses to me afterwards Depends also when I go if I be still got any friends left alive or not

I’m not religious but I would quite like to think of a ‘proper’ funeral service, with a few favourite old hymns, and the recording of a niece’s solo of Panis Angelicus with her school choir. She has a very pure, sweet soprano - it gives me the shivers and brings tears to my eyes every time.

However unless they specifically ask, I will leave it up to dh/dds, whoever is left behind.

What I really would not want is the sort of ‘celebrant’ we witnessed at a neighbour’s funeral not long ago. To me he was inappropriate in every way, from the way he was dressed (ghastly, ill-fitting garish bright blue suit) to his over-familiar talk about someone he’d never met.

I would like the full works, church service with lovely hymns, a cremation and I hope a decent eulogy followed by a great wake with fun, laughter and a raised glass.

While I know what I would like - the full Christian works - it seems to me that the purpose of a funeral is to help those left behind cope with the grief. Consequently the family should have a say in what happens.

I feel that direct cremations are brushing death, and the person who has died, under the carpet.

I found interesting what I read on the BBC website about having a Celebration Day and the comment that Michael Rosen made: "Outside of religious rituals - many of which strike me as helpful, and I say that as an atheist - many people don't know what to do with their grief. Where do they put it? Who can they talk to about it? Where are the rituals, ceremonies or occasions when they can express it? As a result, death is easily brushed aside and hidden."

I went to the funeral of a friend of 50 years. It was at our local crematorium. The building was full, we sang `Jerusalem and his daughter in law sang Hallelujah. The friend who died was politically active to the final days, someone read one of his poems, his son gave a lovely eulogy. There was a reception at the Socialist club, a good do. Great to have long standing friendships, the service led by a vicar/friend. Standing room only
I’ve been fortunate in going to funerals like this, thst commemorate lives well lived
Many people described my husband’s funeral as lovely,as was he.

Good post Septima