I am cheating on my dead husband

Obviously you are in the USA?
Perhaps things there are different, but if you hardly have time for the kids - are you spending too much time with the new love?
It sounds do me that you need to heal yourself first, before you embark on a new relationship.

Where do your children figure in the picture?

You'll never stop loving your late husband but that doesn't mean you can't love your new man as well.
You must always put your children first though, they have lost their father and will be grieving as well.
My first husband died age 53 when I was 48 after 30 years of marriage and 3 children. I was lucky and found another partner who sadly died this year after 20 years of marriage.
Please help your children first though.

Oh no

Hmm...

You are NOT cheating on you dead husband - marriage lasts until death parts us, and you are a comparitively young woman with, I hope and trust, a long life ahead of you.

Falling in love again is quite natural.

I do not necessarily agree with other posters that you must put your children first. To give them a happy life, you need to be if not happy, at least reasonably content-

In my experience love is nearly always a good thing, and feeling loved yourself will make it easier for you to give love.

Try to enjoy being with this new love, without feeling quilty.

How old are your children? Whatever their ages, make it clear that you love them, you still love their father, but you have found a friend whom you also love.

After the grieving it’s your happiness that counts, look forwards not backwards, whatever you feel comfortable with, you may find someone you may not.

I met a woman on a holiday trip she was attractive at 70 and had been widowed young. Chatting I asked why she she didn’t get married again, you must have had offers. “ Yes several, but my husband left me well provided and I never met anyone I wanted to live with”

I think that pretty much sums why you do or don’t remarry

Another dubious post.

Your children are bereaved too.
They should be your priority.
Three years later and you are still offloading them on your mother?

A man will not complete your life.

Make a good life for you and your children with the support of your family first, it will be different but you will survive this.

Your husband would not want you to neglect his children.

Sorry to sound blunt

No reason at all why you shouldn’t find a new love, but I am concerned that you don’t seem to have time for your kids.
I can imagine your mother writing on here, unhappy that you expect her to look after your children whilst you spend time with him. Please tell us this is not quite how it seems.

I recently found someone after years of depression

“Years of depression?
Your husband has only been dead for three years (in fact less)
Pretty quick to bounce back.
Frankly, I m sceptical.

Bounce back?, I lost my wife 5 yrs ago and after 3 months I began socializing again and quickly found a suitable partner, that did raise a few eyebrows, also I have 3 daughters, family is important to me I made very sure my new partner was compatible with them.

A woman would likely be more emotionally attached to a lost husband and most take longer to move on, if they ever do. Men if they often find a new partner quickly, although there are many older men don’t take a new partner. The dating sites bear this out probably 3 times as many women than men

Y'all
Really !

David49

Bounce back?, I lost my wife 5 yrs ago and after 3 months I began socializing again and quickly found a suitable partner, that did raise a few eyebrows, also I have 3 daughters, family is important to me I made very sure my new partner was compatible with them.

A woman would likely be more emotionally attached to a lost husband and most take longer to move on, if they ever do. Men if they often find a new partner quickly, although there are many older men don’t take a new partner. The dating sites bear this out probably 3 times as many women than men

After 3 months?! Wow!! I know I a woman, not male like you, but that is very quick. My husband died 4 years ago and I loved him so much that even after all this time, there is no way I would want anyone else. I am sure I never will.
I tried to understand your reasoning about men and women being different but just can’t see it.
I’m not saying it’s wrong (each to his own). I just don’t know how you could possibly entertain the idea of another woman after just three months. I wonder how your late wife would feel if she knew.
Did you really love her??

Csf - well said

‘Quickly found a suitable partner’. That sounds very calculated David49.
Each to their own, I suppose.

Blimey David that sounds like a conveyor belt
Next please
Not very healthy for the new partner either, you sound as if you were on a mission your poor daughters seeing their mum replaced after a matter of weeks

David49.^ ‘suitable partner’^
Sorry to say but sounds very 19th century, a replacement.

David have you felt no grief for your wife ? If your daughter's turn round and don't want anything to do with you . It's your own fault .

Have you no feelings for how you children feel . I can only say you couldn't have loved your wife much.

3 months you found some one else . I really hope this is a wind up and not true if it's true words fail me .

Well actually words don't fail me but don't think you would like to know what I think of you.

It’s True

Men very often move on after a short while, it’s isn’t about not loving, of course I loved her we were married 47yrs, I nursed her for 5 yrs before the end and I still put flowers on her grave every month. My wife has a very close extended family, they know I did my best for her and have accepted my new wife completely they all came to the wedding and parties since.

My eldest daughter was first to know about my new relationship, we had dinner together and they got on well together. Daughter is a straight talker, next day I asked her what she thought “ she’s nice” “I thought you would find someone else”. If the response had been negative I would not have continued because I value my family above a partner, there was no way that I was going to remarry to someone that was at war with my family, I hear plenty of that strife on GN.

5 yrs on were married I have an extra family in the circle and they are all lovely. My new wife is not a replacement, her personality is entirely different, it opens a new chapter for both of us, family and friends are entirely happy. The only person that isn’t is her ex husband who was a fool to treat her badly.

THREE MONTHS !!

Good god David - the paperwork is barely sorted out after 3 months.
Have you no morals

It's not morally wrong, though.

Not for everyone, and surprisingly quick, but a person's own choice.

You really are a miserable lot aren’t you no wonder the world is so negative, your lives must be so bad that you just can’t comprehend a successful relationship.

Suitable - similar values, likes and dislikes, no dependant children, call that 19th century if you like, there was no way I was going to get involved with anyone who was a gold digger or trouble maker, I’ve seen too many men trapped that way. The uncertainty was how the family(s) and friends would react, the only reaction was “you two didn’t waste any time” and after 3 yrs we married.

So the only snide comments weve had is on this thread !

5 years is a long time to nurse someone David and your relationship with your wife would have been very different from the years before that. Good on you for looking after her. I can understand after all those 5 years you yearned for a more sociable life and your dd would understand that too. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Glad you’ve found happiness and your new wife too.