Missing someone

Is your husband still improving, little by little, *Primrose"?

These things always seem (or are?) worse at this time of year, i think.

I miss my mum, although she couldn't do much practical to help.

Missing my daughter and feeling sad for her two girls who won't be joining the family group, for the first time, this year. Hoping against hope that their father makes some effort for them to enjoy the day.

Miss A do you remember your thread think it was title something like diary of a benefits claimant . You wrote about your journey and all the obstacles put in your way. That's what keep me fighting to get benefits I had been denied for 35 years until last year.

Cabbie was there helping with her experience of how to fill in forms. And well remember her experience of going with someone to a PIP tribunal. And that took my fear away for when I attended it .

You have helped more than just me ..I know you stopped posting for a while and it was such a relief to see you back. You where missed by all the people who you helped and your down to earth common sense.

Still catching up. The Adcal-D3 stopped my painkillers working and caused me to have muscle cramps and spasms in right hamstring so painful I cried. And that's not me . Haven't cried because of pain since 1988 and early 90's . But at least my husband held me until the chronic fatigue took over and I slept . Had the chronic fatigue again but at least it blotted out the pain.

Found out to much calcium can cause it to leach out of your bones into your blood stream.

Having a blood test mid January as my sodium levels are low and asked for my calcium levels to be checked also.

RosiesMaw sorry about your sister but dementia and Alzheimer's kills the person long before their body dies. It killed my mom 4 months before her body died. This isn't meant to be cruel but it's what I experienced with my mom . It would have broken your heart if you visited her or was with her everyday. Because she was no longer your sister . My mom didn't know who she was ,where or who I was . She thought I was her mom. My mom became violent but it was out of fear . She would go to sleep and say hello mom or she would attack me because she was frightened.

Remember your sister as she was when you where children and young women . You still have a link to your childhood they are in your memories. And old photos. And your sister is at peace now .

Took me a year to remember my mom as she was before the dementia killed her mind. Should say mom lived with me the last 18 months of her life as I couldn't put her into a home . I knew I could look after her better myself. The weird thing dementia took everything away from my mom but she always knew when she needed the commode and never wet or soiled herself. Those where he biggest fear before she forgot. But a spark must have still been there.

I will be back but very tired now .

You did it all yourself Whiff
You deserve all of the credit, and then some!

Have a good long rest; you've had a rough time, of late, and we need you fighting fit.

Gymstagran

Sorry, nobody was ignoring you, it just got a bit crowded.

I hope your two grandaughters do have a good Christmas, and that you do, too.
It's awful seeing your grandchildren missing out on their mum's love, I know.
I often see my it on my boys face.
Hopefully their dad will make their day special.

Thank you MissA

You're very welcome, any time, all the time, or whenever you feel you need a listening ear.

MissAdventure

Is your husband still improving, little by little, *Primrose"?

These things always seem (or are?) worse at this time of year, i think.

I miss my mum, although she couldn't do much practical to help.

MissAdventure
Thanks for asking. His feed tube was removed yesterday so looking forward to seeing him without it tomorrow. He still has to be hoisted from bed to chair and back. Speech varies from day to day and how tired he is.
He is in a stroke rehab unit but physio is still not as much as I expected mainly due to arriving on Friday then no physio all weekend. A good session on Monday then the physio says she was off until Fri.
Happy Christmas 🎄

So cautiously, then, some small improvements.
I have heard from someone who had quite a catastrophic stroke, that it is absolutely exhausting just to "be": afterwords.

Hopefully the next few weeks he'll have more input, feel a little less tired, and the improvements will carry on.

The lady I mentioned was able to do most things, once she recovered, and she worked a way around those she couldn't.
She was an incredibly determined person, and taught herself to use her "good" hand, instead of her pre stroke one.
She could knit, crochet and do cross stitch.

More importantly, she could use a knife and fork, and take care of her personal needs, as well as cooking and gardening.

I hope your man is on the up and up, slowly and surely.

Oh, and Happy Christmas, if that doesn't sound crass.

Primrose hope your husband is making a good progress..Once a mom always a mom. I know my mom never stopped worrying about me until the dementia made her forget who I was. She was 90 when she died in 2017. My dad was 80 he died 3 years after my husband in 2007. He always blamed himself for my disability because he had Dengue fever in the army fighting in Burma as it was then . But always told him it was just me I was weird. My brother isn't disabled. But he still believed it 2 days before he died even though I told him it wasn't.

Had my diagnosis 2022 aged 63 . It's rare and both my parents had to be carriers and had a 50/50 chance of having it. But if I had known what it was when they where alive I would never tell them it is hereditary. I loved my parents very much . We weren't brought up with money but mom and dad brought their own house and we had a week's holiday every year in a caravan. Plenty of picnics and fruit picking fun times. But we where rich in the love and attention they lavished on my brother and me.

Parents and grandparents are important pity some of our children forget that especially those that where brought up with nothing but endless love and attention. But that's a different kind of grief and living one.

Primrose the memory ted you had made sounds lovely. And hope you are cuddling and feeling your mom with you .

RosesMaw hope you get to make your trip too Canada next year and met your relatives you dont know . But share happy memories of your sister and get to see all the places she loved .

Remember today the excitement you both felt finding if like my brother and I one of our dad's socks at the end of our bed with a tangerine and a bar of chocolate in it. Then dashing down the stairs to find the presents under the tree.

Remember all the family traditions you had . And hopefully you will smile at those memories.

Gymstagran your daughter isn't with you in flesh but always in your heart and mine and you are still and forever be her mom . Sorry you won't see your grandchildren today but hopefully they will have a good time with their dad and remember their mom and the happy times . And hope they contact you today .

Primrose that's a good sign the feeding tube removed . Stroke rehab units are usually well staffed but they do work on a smaller one at Christmas. If you know some of things they where doing with your husband could you do them with him . Even if it just little things movements like lifting a leg or arm ,wiggling his fingers and toes . Sorry not much use whilst I have experience looking after others with various conditions stroke isn't one of them .

I have a friend who had one 10 years ago before I moved here when she got her speech back she spoke with an eastern European accent . She was upset and wanted her Liverpudlian one back so her daughter said sing mom and she got her accent back different to what it was but still Liverpudlian. She has the most beautiful singing voice . She does Tai Chai and this year can stand on one leg.

Hope the Stroke association have been of use to you .

To all on here I hope you can have a good Christmas and remember all the happy Christmas's of the past with your loved ones . Remember then as they where and if anything like my husband the idiotic things he did which still make me smile .

I will be spending the day with my daughter and family.

I will wish you all a good Christmas and hope 2025 is a better year for you all . Grief never dies but love never does and our loved ones are always in our minds and hearts . As an atheist I get comfort in knowing our children and 5 grandson's carry part of his DNA so my husband lives on in them . Raise a glass to your loved ones and wish them a happy Christmas out loud. It helps . 🥂🎄⛄💝 to you all .

My heart goes out to you MissA, this is my first Christmas without my husband and this is a day I have been dreading. God bless you and everyone who is missing a loved one today.

BA what your husband say to you . You know he is proud of you and wouldn't want you not to enjoy Christmas day . I know how hard it is you think the first will be the worst and it is in a lot of ways as my husband's last Christmas day we talked about his funeral . But you already know it's hard everyday . But as I have said repeatedly we are the lucky ones we found the other half of ourselves and loved and loved in return . And unfortunately grief is the heavy price we pay for love . But our lives would be the poorer without knowing such love .

If you are spending it with family or friends just think of all the daft things he did and it will make you smile . And raise a glass or cuppa to him . 🎄

May seem odd wishing you all a happy new year especially when you are coping with your grief . Grief I found never gets easier but you do learn to cope in your own way .

I hope the coming year you will beable to cope better than you did last year . And you can find joy in the memories of your loved ones and find a way to do things your way . My way of coping I set myself goals already got plans in place for this year . Some the same as last year still trying to lose more weight ,sit fit class starts again on Monday and Craft group starts on 15th. Am going to a classical concert on 3rd February which ironically will be the 50th anniversary of my first date with my husband when I was 16. Booked my May holiday to Llandudno in October. Just have to start looking for cheaper rain tickets 12 weeks before I go plus have my rail card which gives me off third of ticket price.

Mean to sort out when I can go and have 5 days with my brother and sister in law. Planning on going to Harrogate in September. Making sure I keep my hair at this length and not keep forgetting to get it cut and it gets long again . I know that's silly but my mobility means it easier to cope with.

Hand trembled and pushed post. 🤦

I have been a planner all my life and get very annoyed if I can't do what I want . Just remembered got a blood test on the 10th. Plus waiting for appointments to see my cardiologist, physio and occupational therapy.

No doubt will think of other things in the coming month .

Look after yourselves and make your self a new present and future not easier but know your loved ones will be proud of you . And take pride in yourself and put yourself first you all need some me time . It's not selfish but a way to cope with your grief.

Take care to all here and hope people who need this thread find their way here . 💐

I just came on to wish us all some contentment this year, if happiness is too much of a stretch at times.

Hoping for some lighter moments, a laugh (or two!) and some peace of mind for everyone.

On that note, Happy New Year.

Thank you MissAdventure and the same to you too.
I’ve mixed feelings about leaving last year behind. It was an awful year but at least I had DH with me for a few months.
Wishing the best to all for 2025. 💕

I'll drink to that.