Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

My Mum felt the cold. She and I both did crochet and when she died I asked the undertaker to wrap her in a big crochet throw I made for her in her favourite colours, pink, purple and lilac. I did not want to see her body but the undertaker thoughtfully took photos of her all wrapped up in her blanket in the coffin. She gave them to me in a sealed envelope which she said I could choose to open or not. She died in Dec 2020 and so far I have not looked at it.

I also asked them to put one of her knitted hedgehogs and an Irish teddy in the coffin.

After seeing my dad at the undertakers I drove back with his scarf and telling the undertaker that he needed to wear them. I put some greetings cards from the family in my mum’s coffin; I think I found them at her flat. I’ll always regret not putting a packet of Woodbines in the coffin with her.

People do whatever gets them through and it is different for everyone.

My DDs asked for my OH to be dressed in his favourite clothes - a wine velvet jacket in particular. I was not happy about it - I thought it was a waste of some lovely clothes that I would like to have kept - but it meant a lot to them so I went along with it.

Because it’s the last thing you will give that person and it will help some people in the grieving process.

A neighbour put a phone in her mother’s coffin and phone numbers …(the body rested at home)

The was so much put in Queen Victoria’s coffin, I’m surprised there was room for the body.

chocolatepudding I am so sorry about your baby daughter, and I can understand why you were upset about what your mother in law did. It wasn't really her place. I hope that some of the answers on this thread have given you a bit of insight as to why people do it, but I think it should have been up to you and your baby's father what was buried with her.
I completely agree with this. It was your place to decide if anything went in the coffin with your beloved baby girl. I'm so sorry for your loss.

OP I am so sorry you lost a daughter and at such an early age. The sorrow never really goes away, does it?

I can understand why you, or anyone else might feel it pointless to put any items in a coffin with a beloved person, but I do also understand your daughter's grandmother. In her place, I might well have done the same. Presumably, when your daughter was born, her grandmother looked forward to the day when she could give this child something her great-grandmother had cherished.

My husband was buried wearing his wedding ring as he had asked, the suit he wore when we married, and had his rosary threaded through his fingers. He was laid out with his toy monkey given him when he was four by his beloved grandmother at his side. He had asked me to bring him his monkey when he realised he would die in hospital.

I was uncertain whether he had wanted his monkey to be buried with him, but I just could not do that . I needed to take Jakob back home with me.

We are all different and grieve differently.

Losig a child must have been a terrible thing. I'm sorry this is still bothering you after all these years.

I think people out precious items in the coffins because no matter no financial or material value of some things, the loss of a loved one is worth far more than any earthly treasure.

We would know so much less about the past if people hadn't have done this since time out of mind.

However, if a body isto be cremated I really don't see the point as they will be taken out of the coffin anyway.

There's nothing wrong with it at all. My father served in WW11 and he wanted his jacket in his coffin. My grandma had a photo of her much loved husband who had died before her.

Whitewavemark2

This has happened ever since we started to ceremonise (is that a word?) death. Most archeological digs of the human remains is dug up accompanied by stuff, be it weapons, jewels, stuff needed in the next life, c boats or favourite pets etc. etc.

People only ceased putting grave goods in coffins with the introduction of Christianity

Christians turned away from grave goods because it contradicted the belief that everything needed in the afterlife was provided by God, rendering material possessions in the grave unnecessary.

murraymints65

My son died suddenly and on the day I had bought him a Spit Fire areoplane magazine, he never got to read it so I put it in his coffin.

I think that’s lovely. So sorry for your loss though.

Luckygirl3

People do whatever gets them through and it is different for everyone.

My DDs asked for my OH to be dressed in his favourite clothes - a wine velvet jacket in particular. I was not happy about it - I thought it was a waste of some lovely clothes that I would like to have kept - but it meant a lot to them so I went along with it.

For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.

My mother never took her wedding ring off and so it was buried with her. If someone stole it afterwards that is between them and their conscience. I had no reason to take it off. I didn’t put anything else with her because I saw no need to and I do agree with the OP that her MiL was out of order. However I like the practice of putting something in if you want to.

It is their choice and not for us to reason why. I would like "Y Ddraig Goch " the Welsh banner in or on my coffin.

M0nica

Whitewavemark2

This has happened ever since we started to ceremonise (is that a word?) death. Most archeological digs of the human remains is dug up accompanied by stuff, be it weapons, jewels, stuff needed in the next life, c boats or favourite pets etc. etc.

People only ceased putting grave goods in coffins with the introduction of Christianity

Christians turned away from grave goods because it contradicted the belief that everything needed in the afterlife was provided by God, rendering material possessions in the grave unnecessary.

Well some utterly half baked, presumably Christian, although a somewhat loose description of Russian mobsters, who have been buried with their luxury cars, the cars not exactly entombed but on top of the grave. Not much difference to an ancient Egyptian being buried with their chariot. .

So sorry to read about your baby daughter chocolatepudding, desperately sad

His beloved tweed cap, a handmade stick that he always carried when we went walking, his regimental tie, and GS asked if he could put in a shirt he wore to play for his grassroots football team as DH never missed watching him play no matter what the weather. They were all nicely arranged on and around him. I found it comforting, not strange at all.

My first husband died at home here in Ireland and he stayed home in his coffin for 3 days until the funeral.
The morning of his funeral, my son arrived, fried bacon, made his favourite bacon sandwich and placed it in the coffin.
I'd actually forgotten until I read this thread

My father was secretary of the local working men's club for many many years. Although she club closed some years before he died he kept his membership card in its little leather wallet, I popped it in his jacket pocket in his coffin on the morning of his funeral

I do hope it's not true that jewellery is stolen from bodies, an awful thought

I go to my parents' grave annually to leave flowers, a few years ago, I bought a garden centre cat and stuck it on top of their grave, a ridiculous gesture on my part. Like me my mother loved cats, madness I know!

My knitting group knit hearts in pairs to give to the hospital. The patient keeps one and the other goes to the family.

Georgesgran

We do it, because we want to.

Exactly. When my son was buried, I put a crucifix into the casket. I'd put it into his hand only minutes after he passed and I felt it was fitting for him to have it with him under the ground. It seems odd to question other people's motives for doing this, particularly when not giving a reason why not...

Grief is rather complex, your loss was a devastation. Sometimes the mind cannot entertain these very difficult emotions and will grasp onto something else instead to avoid feeling them. It's not unusual, many people find themselves seemingly able to cope with terrible stress but falling apart over little things. The gesture was offered in goodness of heart, perhaps not everything this person has achieved in the world was good? Even so allow those feelings to come through and out.

My mother gave me her engagement and wedding rings, also her mother’s engagement ring, well before she died. They wouldn’t go on her arthritic fingers any more anyway. I think it would have been sad to cremate them with her. I treasure them, and wear them regularly.

ViceVersa

Everyone deals with death differently. It's not something I've done, but if it brings someone even a small measure of comfort, then surely it's a good thing?

👏👏👏👏

Thank you everyone for your kindness and your interesting comments for me.

To be honest I now feel that MIL was being a hypocrite at the time.
When our DD was born 3 months after our wedding MIL came into the maternity ward and shouted at us. The disgrace we had brought to the family name, what were the neighbours going to say and what were the WI ladies going to say. I was in floods of tears and she walked out without looking at our DD. Whilst we had a relationship over the next 7 months things were strained at times. Our DD died just before Christmas which makes things even more difficult for us.

Thank you again fir your kind comments.