Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

My DF died 3 months after my 2year old son 30 years ago. I put a packet of chocolate buttons in his pocket to share! I think it sometimes gives comfort and hope that they really will be reunited when doubts creep in and you start questioning your faith wondering why life is so cruel. And I have tears running down my cheeks whilst I am writing this even after all this time. Do whatever gives you comfort

the same reason as to why people go to funerals, take flowers at Xmas and on birthdays to graveyards. We forget that the person is dead and has no need for a funeral service or flowers etc. People do these things to satisfy a need in themselves.
We can't even say DEAD but have to say "passed away "or some other term. I'm not sure if other countries treat death in the same way .

People do it because it comforts them .

My mum.was a lovely baker, with the best scones, when she died I put a Star Baker apron in with her so she is hopefulky baking still🥰

I always wondered why people didnt.

But going by this thread, people do.

I didn't put anything with my husband but if it gives comfort to people why not.

My Mumdied Feb 1994 and had always enjoyed her hyacinth bulbs in flower in a special bowl so I cut the flowers and placed them in her hands.

wibblywobblywobblebottom

Putting items into a coffin with the deceased has been going on as long as I can remember, and that's a long time. Items that are special to the deceased. I see no problem with it. The items should be put in just before the lid is screwed down otherwise the undertakers will rob them.

The Egyptian's were doing it..... So, yes, a long time.

It's what feels right at the time, to those who are grieving that matters. There's no right or wrong.

There are some lovely poignant and heartfelt stories here and some humorous but meaningful ones too.Thank you all for sharing .

If people feel better in their grief then there's nothing wrong with it. I remember putting a pic of myself in my grandad's coffin. I wouldn't put anything valuable in. If the undertakers don't take them then the grave diggers of the future will.

It might sound crazy to some but my lovely Mum often felt nauseous so kept a few ginger biscuits in her handbag to nibble whenever she went out. I put a couple in her coffin in case she needed them on her journey. I think she’d have found it amusing and it gave me a little comfort

😢

Putting items into a coffin with the deceased has been going on as long as I can remember, and that's a long time. Items that are special to the deceased. I see no problem with it. The items should be put in just before the lid is screwed down otherwise the undertakers will rob them.

It’s something that makes us all feel ok.

mabon1

Yes indeed and who is this "chocolate pudding" to question why people do it.

This is offensive mabon - why?

Chocolate pudding is a grieving mother, Mabon1.

Yes indeed and who is this "chocolate pudding" to question why people do it.

knspol

I put a letter in my DH's pocket. I asked the undertaker if this was OK. He did tell me that even shoes had to be removed before a cremation and that I could either have them back or else they would go to a charity shop so I think you have to be very careful about what goes in the coffin.

This is something I have wondered about.

Burials yes, I can see that objects could go into the ground, but I would have thought cremations are different.

The same with shrouds or clothes?

How many would expect to be handed back a pair of shoes?

Surely better not to have been dressed in them, if they have to be removed?

(Not wishing to upset or offend anyone).

When my beautiful niece died most of the family put things she loved in the coffin with her (photographs, favourite teddy). She loved guinea pigs so I gave her a toy one so she wouldn’t be alone. It brought comfort to us all knowing that she didn’t make her final journey alone.

My biggest “regret” is that both my mum and dad were buried in shrouds one pink and one blue. I didn’t find out about this until sometime afterwards as my brother living near to them made the arrangements. I know they would have wanted to be dressed in their best clothes.

My son wore his favourite clothes and I put the soft toy in that had been with him and was his comfort when he was in hospital. He was 18 when he died and I didn’t know what to do with his loved prize possessions that I could only give to someone who would love them as he did. For the first time I could see the benefit of a funeral pyre.

I put a letter in my DH's pocket. I asked the undertaker if this was OK. He did tell me that even shoes had to be removed before a cremation and that I could either have them back or else they would go to a charity shop so I think you have to be very careful about what goes in the coffin.

My mum passed two days before her 90th, she tried so hard to get to it, friends and relatives had already posted cards so we asked for them to go in the coffin with her

When I worked for a funeral director a daughter asked if she could put her deceased mothers handbag into the coffin as “She never went anywhere without it”.

chocolatepudding

I can remember my MIL putting a piece of jewellery ( that had belonged to her deceased mother) in the coffin of my deceased baby daughter age 7 months. "Mum would have wanted her to have it" she said. I didn't say anything as I was too distressed and this event took place 40+ years ago. Now I wish I had told her not to do that. Why do people do this?

Am so sorry, this is obviously a very difficult thing for you to remember and your MiLs behaviour has added to this. It was not her decision to make. But the reason people do this is imho a means to have something tangible there to tie you to that person, something solid that gives people feel more in control of something intangible and far from solid.
Sending you hugs.
xxxx

In my DH coffin we put. some pics of the garden, two letters, a half packet of liquorice all sorts (he never got to finish) the only two cherries that came off the Cherry tree in the garden, a piece of sponge parkin that a neighbour had made (only I ate half of it before it went to the funeral home) .

So I hope he had a feast when he arrived at the next place.