Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

OP I am so sorry you lost a daughter and at such an early age. The sorrow never really goes away, does it?

I can understand why you, or anyone else might feel it pointless to put any items in a coffin with a beloved person, but I do also understand your daughter's grandmother. In her place, I might well have done the same. Presumably, when your daughter was born, her grandmother looked forward to the day when she could give this child something her great-grandmother had cherished.

My husband was buried wearing his wedding ring as he had asked, the suit he wore when we married, and had his rosary threaded through his fingers. He was laid out with his toy monkey given him when he was four by his beloved grandmother at his side. He had asked me to bring him his monkey when he realised he would die in hospital.

I was uncertain whether he had wanted his monkey to be buried with him, but I just could not do that . I needed to take Jakob back home with me.

We are all different and grieve differently.

chocolatepudding I am so sorry about your baby daughter, and I can understand why you were upset about what your mother in law did. It wasn't really her place. I hope that some of the answers on this thread have given you a bit of insight as to why people do it, but I think it should have been up to you and your baby's father what was buried with her.
I completely agree with this. It was your place to decide if anything went in the coffin with your beloved baby girl. I'm so sorry for your loss.

A neighbour put a phone in her mother’s coffin and phone numbers …(the body rested at home)

The was so much put in Queen Victoria’s coffin, I’m surprised there was room for the body.

Because it’s the last thing you will give that person and it will help some people in the grieving process.

People do whatever gets them through and it is different for everyone.

My DDs asked for my OH to be dressed in his favourite clothes - a wine velvet jacket in particular. I was not happy about it - I thought it was a waste of some lovely clothes that I would like to have kept - but it meant a lot to them so I went along with it.

After seeing my dad at the undertakers I drove back with his scarf and telling the undertaker that he needed to wear them. I put some greetings cards from the family in my mum’s coffin; I think I found them at her flat. I’ll always regret not putting a packet of Woodbines in the coffin with her.

My Mum felt the cold. She and I both did crochet and when she died I asked the undertaker to wrap her in a big crochet throw I made for her in her favourite colours, pink, purple and lilac. I did not want to see her body but the undertaker thoughtfully took photos of her all wrapped up in her blanket in the coffin. She gave them to me in a sealed envelope which she said I could choose to open or not. She died in Dec 2020 and so far I have not looked at it.

I also asked them to put one of her knitted hedgehogs and an Irish teddy in the coffin.

I gave the funeral directors my DH's favourite pipe, try as he did he was never able to give it up. I am not religious in any way but just wanted to give him a “ comfort blanket “ and that’s what we all want to do .

Ilovecheese

chocolatepudding I am so sorry about your baby daughter, and I can understand why you were upset about what your mother in law did. It wasn't really her place. I hope that some of the answers on this thread have given you a bit of insight as to why people do it, but I think it should have been up to you and your baby's father what was buried with her.

Yes, exactly this.

chocolatepudding I am so sorry about your baby daughter, and I can understand why you were upset about what your mother in law did. It wasn't really her place. I hope that some of the answers on this thread have given you a bit of insight as to why people do it, but I think it should have been up to you and your baby's father what was buried with her.

I think your real upset is that your baby died, chocpud. Of course it is. But perhaps you are projecting some of the anger/upset onto your mil's action as a way of dealing with the grief.

From your post I'd gently suggest this hasn't helped. ❤️

My husband always carried a photo of me when I was 18 in his wallet . So I had it put in to his top pocket of his shirt as he had carried it for 27 years and he took it to the fire with him. I will have a picture I have always carried with me in my purse in the coffin with me and be burnt together.

My parents didn't want anything with them . My best friend had her husband's football scarf put into his coffin he was buried and one was in the wreath.

When the funeral directors came they asked any jewellery ,false teeth or limbs to be removed before they took the bodies.

Our two very elderly dogs died just before my husband's death and my daughters insisted their two collars went into the coffin with their father as he was devoted to his dogs and they to him.

I haven’t done it but I see nothing wrong at all if it gives the survivor comfort so personally I think your original post is a bit miserable chocolatepudding

“At” not “vat”

Georgesgran

We do it, because we want to.

Exactly.
I put Paw’s glasses in his coffin along with a Catholic missal/prayer book. And his warm felt slippers to wear along with the suit he last wore as Father of the Bride, a good shirt and his graduate tie.
If anybody wants to send round the little men in white coats to take me away - they’re welcome.
Oh and I dressed our 1 month old baby son in what would have been his christening robe and put in a tiny teddy. (Or rather got the nurses to do this as I was in no state to)
There’s no questioning what brings a sliver of comfort vat such times.
Georgesgran and all the others

Gillycats

My ex mother in law died 2 years ago in a care home. She always wore her wedding ring. It was on her finger when she died. She wanted my daughter to have it. So the family asked for it the next day. Both the home and the undertakers denied that they had it. So someone obviously thought it was ok to steal jewellery from her body. I’ve heard similar stories. My advice is to never put anything of value into a coffin because there’s a chance it won’t stay in there.

There’s more than a chance! Any jewellery will be taken before burial or cremation.
Other objects will stay in the coffin as not valuable.
I think if it brings any comfort to the bereaved then it’s all good to leave photos, books, toys with the deceased.

I had given my DMiL fingerless gloves a few months before she died. She never took them off apart from when they were prised off for washing. We buried her in them.

I sometimes wish my DH had been buried and not cremated. I think it must be normal to have regrets.
The real regret is that they died.

My grandfather died in WW1 and my father was his only child and he supported British Legion each year. My father died in November and I put a poppy with him when he was taken away. The undertaker spoke to me afterwards and said she had placed in his hands.

My ex mother in law died 2 years ago in a care home. She always wore her wedding ring. It was on her finger when she died. She wanted my daughter to have it. So the family asked for it the next day. Both the home and the undertakers denied that they had it. So someone obviously thought it was ok to steal jewellery from her body. I’ve heard similar stories. My advice is to never put anything of value into a coffin because there’s a chance it won’t stay in there.

When my MIL died, we found that she had pressed and kept some roses from her wedding bouquet. I took them and put them in her coffin - along with the last Valentine card that FIL had sent her just before he died, which we found in the drawer of her bedside table; she'd obviously kissed it often, and so adding the card and her wedding flowers seemed appropriate...❤️

Everyone deals with death differently. It's not something I've done, but if it brings someone even a small measure of comfort, then surely it's a good thing?

People do these things for their own reasons, it is a final gesture they do for the one they love.

This has happened ever since we started to ceremonise (is that a word?) death. Most archeological digs of the human remains is dug up accompanied by stuff, be it weapons, jewels, stuff needed in the next life, c boats or favourite pets etc. etc.

murraymints65

My son died suddenly and on the day I had bought him a Spit Fire areoplane magazine, he never got to read it so I put it in his coffin.