widow of a suicide: advice please

Ohmother

Look at the support group SOBS uk. They have information for family and friends and how to support. Actually DO something rather than say “If I can do anything…” because a bereaved spouse/parent can’t actually think straight as to what they need when they are in so much shock. Bake/cook something and turn up physically with it for her to put the kettle on for a cuppa. Be honest and tell her that you can’t find the words. She won’t need your words; she’ll need your presence. What a lovely person you are for caring

This 100%

The hardest thing for me when my daughter died was people crossing the road to avoid me, also not acknowledging her death when I spoke to them. One lady who I hardly knew, crossed a road to say how deeply sorry she was to hear of my loss. Her kindness and warmth shone through, I was so touched and grateful. As others have said, a note through the door would be kind and mean more than you can imagine.

So sorry for your loss.Vito

Mt61

Kate1949

When my brother took his own life, people crossed the if they saw us. I realise that was because they didn't know what to say but it was hurtful. I agree with putting a note through her door.

We had the same kate1949, my sister’s friends would cross over the road. I found out later, it was because they didn’t know what to say.

A bereaved friend once told me that when she lost her husband, people often, understandably, didn’t know what to say. She said one particular comment to her was just the right thing and did help her.
The comment was, ‘I have no idea what to say to you except that I am so sorry. He was such a lovely man.’
I think that sounds ideal, sincere, short and hopefully not enough to bring on tears.

Thank you all for your thoughtful, and very similar responses! I am on may way out today to find a card and will drop it off in her mailbox and suggest a dog walk if and when she is ready. I will also leave all my contact information on the card. We are off on vacation next week until the end of July and I will touch base with her again as I think it will be so much easier after the first approach. Many thanks, you are a kind group of wise folk!

Absolutely don’t avoid her or stop speaking.

Condolence note through door, with an invite across for a cuppa and cake whenever she feels ready

PS Enjoy your hols OP x

Please aporoach her and offer your support. Don't be afraid of doing that-she needs to know you care.