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Bereavement

Loss of brother

(37 Posts)
Readandcook Mon 04-Aug-25 08:12:53

My brother sadly died last Sunday aged 58. He had cancer which he bravely battled for almost 2 years.
I live near my Mum who is 86 and has absolutely devastated her. I am trying to arrange a funeral plus all the other legal stuff broken hearted along with my not so local siblings.
I am meant to be attending the wedding of my husbands nephew next Saturday. I am so undecided- do I go?
I looked forward to it but do not want to leave my Mum right now and don’t really think I am in the mood for partying. I just don’t think the time is right. Also to add the wedding is in the cotswolds and we live in Devon so it would be a Friday to Sunday evening trip.
What would you do? I’m thinking of my Mum and I need to be with her both physically and emotionally but would welcome your thoughts.

M0nica Tue 05-Aug-25 18:46:06

Silverfoxette75 deepest sympathys, for someone else who has lost an adult sibling.

BlueBelle Tue 05-Aug-25 18:56:48

I m so sorry for you snd mum but in answer to your question NO I definitely would not attend the wedding and I m sure they will understand You need to be quiet at home with your mum, my feelings anyway

Tracy240 Tue 05-Aug-25 18:59:16

Sorry for your loss a bit late to this one. I loss my brother a year ago. The last few weeks before he died we had a wedding to attend. We didn’t go and it never bothered me again. You do what feels right for you. No one will judge you we all handle things differently. What ever you decide, take care x

Allsorts Tue 05-Aug-25 19:07:50

Sorry for your loss Readandcook. Do what you feel right and if that's being with your mother anyone would understand.

justwokeup Tue 05-Aug-25 19:30:31

If you really don’t want to miss the service they may have an internet link for far flung family and friends. Every occasion we’ve been invited to since lockdown, weddings, funerals, graduation, have been organised like this for those who can’t travel or live too far away. It’s worth asking.

Luckygirl3 Tue 05-Aug-25 19:33:38

So sorry to hear this. I am sure it would be best if you stayed with your mum.

FranP Tue 05-Aug-25 20:52:48

JaneJudge

I’m sorry about your brother flowers losing a sibling is such a loss and to see your parent lose a child is heart breaking.

I was going to say it might be nice to attend the wedding and just have a break from it all, a change of scenery? Could one of your other siblings come and stay with Mum? BUT if your instincts are telling you otherwise you must do what you feel is right

Think I agree here.

Your nephew will understand, but you will not get this happy event back. ATM funerals seem to take ages.

Your mum must have known this was coming, even if the actual event is still a shock.

mabon2 Wed 06-Aug-25 15:18:12

Give it a miss, be with your Ma.

MollyNew Wed 06-Aug-25 18:23:55

My sincere condolences on your loss. Your post resonates so much with me. My younger brother died aged 59 almost 2 years ago from cancer after being ill for 2 years. My dad was 91 at the time and he passed away four months after my brother. I had been caring for him for the last year of his life.

I still miss my brother every day and there would have been no way I could have attended an occasion such as a wedding so close to losing him. My dad died a few days before new years eve and my partner thought we should go to my neighbours' house as usual on new years eve so I agreed. I had to leave after about an hour because I just couldn't copy with the small talk, even though I was with friends. I spoke to my other brother and my SIL the next day and they felt exactly the same as I had.

I think you have to go with your gut instinct. If you and/or you mom are feeling emotionally fragile, you should stay at home. I hope you make the decision that feels right for you. Best wishes.

merlotgran Wed 06-Aug-25 18:37:53

I’m sorry for your loss, readandcook. I lost my younger brother in January. We were very close and there’s no way I’d have been able to go to a wedding if my mother had still been alive.

Redhead56 Wed 06-Aug-25 20:07:06

My brother had a life saving operation just recently because of blood clots. It was such a shock as it was out of the blue. He was told there was a 50/50 chance of survival only before the operation.

So very sorry for you hearing your brother has died. I am sure you have wonderful memories of him that you will have forever. A wedding is a joyous occasion not easy when you are grieving give it a miss xx