Life as a widow

My husband was never very sociable so we didn't go to a lot dinners in people's homes. H died shortly before Covid so invitations dried up altogether for a couple of years. What I find now is that we are all older, several friends have also been widowed or become unwell, and dinners have become lunches in local restaurants so we are all home before dark.

To be fair, Luckygirl, I think fewer people are inviting friends for meals in the home, widowed or married. We tend to meet friends in cafes or pubs.

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Well I buck the trend. I invite a friend or 2 for a meal almost every Friday. It punctuates the week nicely. Usually fresh fish from the van is on the menu. It's easy.

I also never refuse an invitation incase I don't get invited again.

Having been brought up by a widow I am very aware that invitations can be sparse but I am not afraid to buy 2 tickets to events and invite a friend to join me.

Or, as I did for my last birthday, booked afternoon tea for 2 at a wonderful place where I had always wanted to go and again invited a friend to join me.

It's no good feeling sorry for yourself and I suggest you drop the couples if you're not included. Life's too short.

I agree LucyAnna - every 6 -8 weeks, 6 of us neighbours go for a pub lunch. two are widowed, one divorced (me), one single. (through choice) and 2 are married, but leave their husbands at home. Its something we look forward to.
Luckygirl - Why don’t you start a little ladies’ group ? Take the initiative and suggest it to you neighbours. You’ll be surprised…..

I think that’s true, LucyAnna5. My friends and I used to regularly host get togethers, taking it in turns to host. As we’ve got older, we now tend to meet up for lunch somewhere as it is easier, plus day time meet ups are preferable to evening ones in the winter months, as we like to be in before dark. It’s slightly different in the summer months when we will have the odd get together at each others homes and enjoy being out in the garden.

Perhaps, Luckygirl, you could consider a get together at a nice cafe or garden centre or similar with a few friends in the summer months if your health would allow it?

I don’t think Luckygirl is feeling sorry for herself, Grammaretto, just making an observation as she sees it at the moment?

LucyAnna5

To be fair, Luckygirl, I think fewer people are inviting friends for meals in the home, widowed or married. We tend to meet friends in cafes or pubs.

I think that's true, LucyAnna.

We used to invite friends, neighbours for dinner and go to their houses too but have not done that for years. Perhaps an informal gathering occasionally, but not a dinner party.

It's a lot of hard work for the host(s) and much more relaxing to go out.

And lunch-time is preferable now we're older too.

I, and 2 of my widowed friends, take it in turns to host dinner once a month, usually on a Saturday evening. We take the opportunity to cook something special, usually a 3 course dinner with good wines; lay the table with our nicest dinner ware, cutlery, crystal and napkins that has been lying unused for far too long. We really make the effort to make the menu, and the table special. It's lovely to have the incentive to use our "best and nicest" for each other and, as each turn only comes around every 3 months, it's not too expensive or too much trouble. And it's fab being the guest!

Maybe I am just a bit down atm. Plagued by ill health just now. And not really well enough to go out anyway! Things can only get better ......
I do have lots of friends. I just miss the sort of social life we once had. Being a bit tied to.the house just now does not help.
It is interesting though how people tend to be invited as couples.

Chin up, Luckygirl3 🤗. Things will feel a lot better when the weather picks up. At the moment, even when it's sunny, the air is very cold and I'm fed up with the wind.

I hope your mood lifts soon, the warm sunny weather should sort us all out ☀️ 💐.

I’d rather go out for coffee or lunch with friends than be invited to a meal in their homes because that would put pressure on me to reciprocate and quite frankly, these days I CBA with all the work.

I belong to two lunch groups which for me is the answer where dining with friends is concerned. Nothing nicer than coming home, putting my feet up and having a snooze after a lovely meal in good company.

Except for a couple of friends the dinner invitations gradually tailed off after my husband died. As time went on they were mostly replaced by going out for pub or restaurant meals. Then I moved to Canada where eating out is very common. Also potlucks are fairly common. They're easy and fun because people turn up with a dish without prior discussion and it always works. Come to think of it, I don't know anyone who gets the posh china out nowadays. I see plenty of it in the thift stores though!
I visited several friends in the UK last summer and all lunches/dinners were wine bar. pub or restaurant. Times have changed, from the 70's and 80's when I spent long, tiring hours in the kitchen creating posh noshes!
I like the less formal and more casual style these days.
My daughter and family invited me and 2 others round for a meal recently. A simple bowl of chili each, corn bread and a salad. I took an apple pie and someone else had bought a cake.

Sorry you’re feeling low Luckygirl. My (unintentional) insensitive post probably hasn’t helped.

I hope you will soon feel well enough to go out with friends again.

I'm sorry you are feeling down Luckygirl

Not having a partner does make life harder and especially if one is shy to go alone.
I hope you feel better soon 💖

I experienced the same behaviour while going through divorce being excluded.
I don't think it was because family and friends took sides they just felt awkward. It was a very lonely time for me and I won't ever forget it.
Try not to be disheartened discover new opportunities meet other people even out of your comfort zone locally. Summer is not far away get out and about good for mind and body it will lift your spirits