Life as a widow

jakuss

When your husba nd dies you may as well have died with him, people who you thought were friends and even my sister just cut you off like as if you're going to ask for something, all over you at the funeral with promises of lifts, help shopping, gardening, days out then you never hear from them again, it took me a year to realise this

I am sorry this has been your experience- it says more about them than anything about widows.
I am glad to say I have not shared your experience but on looking back over the years we were a couple, I realise that we did have each other, whereas now there is “nobody to do nothing with”
Age and ill health play their part but from my perspective, if you want something to happen you so often have to make the first move.

Our community is very inclusive and widows are invited everywhere as any friend would be. We all join in together in our village. Although everyone helps on the committees and joins in organising things too, which does help to bring us together.

We frequently have friends for meals. I wouldn't call them dinner parties . Just relaxed times sharing a meal together. I tend to do 2 courses nowadays and not 3. I prefer meals in peoples homes than eating out - so much more relaxing.

I’m another who much prefers to meet friends (almost exclusively female) for coffee or lunch. I do this 2-3 times a week. Sitting around a dinner table in the evening just doesn’t appeal, especially as I seem to have a 6pm curfew these days!

Whiff, what a moving and inspiring post.

It really doesn't matter if you get-together for lunch, tea or dinner, we often do Sunday lunch with friends, my wife has a regular weekday lunch with friends.

Once widowed, I joined my local U3A. There are a couple of "lunch clubs" for single members. They meet at a different person's home once a week. We all bring a plate of something to contribute to the meal. There are another couple of "lunch clubs" within the same U3A, where about 12 or 14 of them go out together for lunch once a month. They choose a different local pub or restaurant each time, for variety. I don't attend that one, because I'm only interested in paying restaurant and pub prices when I meet up with my family members to eat out.

Those who no longer drive, are given a lift by the ones that still use a car.

There is also a local "bereavement group" who have "lunch clubs" for their widowed members.

David49

It really doesn't matter if you get-together for lunch, tea or dinner, we often do Sunday lunch with friends, my wife has a regular weekday lunch with friends.

We are talking about being widowed, David
From what you write you are still a couple. No?

mumofmadboys

We frequently have friends for meals. I wouldn't call them dinner parties . Just relaxed times sharing a meal together. I tend to do 2 courses nowadays and not 3. I prefer meals in peoples homes than eating out - so much more relaxing.

You say «we» so you still have your DH?

RosiesMawagain

David49

It really doesn't matter if you get-together for lunch, tea or dinner, we often do Sunday lunch with friends, my wife has a regular weekday lunch with friends.

We are talking about being widowed, David
From what you write you are still a couple. No?

I have been widowed after 47 yrs and remarried very successfully

I was widowed recently, hearbroken-it is awful, but my social life continues.I Just invite a couple of friends married or not mainly female but not exclusively to a (slightly) boozy lunch at a lovely bistro, then another few friends on another date etc before you know if you're out and about every week at least . Just had to take the initiative I think a few people were taken aback by my invitations
So soon after his death, but actually believe they were relieved. They know that widowhood may come to them too at some point and it’s good to notmalise and talk about it with them amongst tmany other things of course, andshow them how life goes on warts and all. works for me.

I have been widowed after 47 yrs and remarried very successfully

Exactly.

Whiff - Beautiful prose, humbling, moving, inspirational, thank you

SORES only just read your post thank you that's very kind . I call my posts rambles as I write as I speak.
I meet 2 GN friends every month for lunch. When my first friend described to her friend who is also my friend to now . Whiff is like she writes . When we meet for the first time she said yes your where right. We are very much a like . They both still have their husbands . But I love hearing about all their adventures. Being widowed and disabled never got to do all the things we had planned. But I love hearing about people's lives and places they go to that I will never see.
But I am not jealous as I am still married and have a husband he lives on in my heart and mind . Plus out children's and grandsons DNA.
I was lucky to find the other half of me at 16 and he was 18. Half of me is still missing but because of him I live my life to the full.

Thank you again for your kind words . 🌺

MawsRosie

^I have been widowed after 47 yrs and remarried very successfully^

Exactly.

So unlike OP and the subject of her thread, you don’t sound to be living alone- or have I missed something?
I hope the attached pic is legible- this is the reality

I’m only 77 and that piece of reflective prose tells it like it is. We are mid serious health crisis in a key younger member of our family. It’s heightened my ongoing sense of my husband’s absence. This is something we’d have shared, supported the family the patient together. I’m doing my best but miss his calm loving supportive presence especially during these traumatic weeks

I'm sorry to hear that Iam64 I hope your younger family member gets better.