Bereavement wipes out everything

Last year I was on a rollercoaster of anxiety for ten awful months. The relief I felt when Himself died ten weeks ago was my overwhelming emotion, followed by anguish knowing that ‘this is it’ - I will never again be held by him nor hear his voice.

A light has gone out in my world now. I thought I was prepared for grief but as MawsRosie says emotions cannot be rehearsed. Some days I cope better than others. Today? My chest felt heavy as though weighed down by wet sand.

My beloved man urged me to Stay Strong “We always knew this day was coming” he said. So I try. I do my best for his sake. It’s what he wanted from me and for me.

Grief is a very personal thing. I lost my brother at 37 and my eldest brother at 80 I grieve for them both but in different ways. My sister lost her son young and I can’t even begin to know how she gets up daily for the past 30 years. So yes it is hard.

How do I put this gently?
I have no doubts that your intentions are the best and your kind thoughts do not go unappreciated.
But until a person has suffered the loss of someone dear to them, a life partner, a child, particularly an untimely death it is only so many words.
I am not underestimating the loss of a parent - but in many cases that is the natural order of things and one may have siblings or a partner to support them.The aloneness of losing one’s life partner is of a whole different dimension.
Much has been written on bereavement and loss, some of it helpful, some less so.
We are all different and we cannot know how we will react until it happens.
You can’t prepare for bereavement, you can’t rehearse your emotions.
The initial relief that suffering is over may help to dull the sucker punch in the solar plexus, and the waves of grief which wash over your head. But the loss remains.
There is no right way to grieve and while time can help you to cope with the immediate pain, it does not necessarily heal in the way the saying suggests. No, grief does not necessarily eventually fade away.
But thank you for sharing your thoughts.