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Bereavement

Early Days - Can't stop crying

(47 Posts)
yogitree Wed 26-Aug-26 10:35:17

It's so debilitating. Does anyone have any advice on how to sooth my eyes/ I understand the grieving process has to happen, but unsure of how to help my poor, stinging eyes. I've tried hay fever eye drops.

Smileless2012 Wed 26-Aug-26 10:37:15

So sorry for your loss yogitreeflowers. Slices of cucumber are cooling and soothing.

Fallingstar Wed 26-Aug-26 11:08:44

So sorry 💐💐
Would try eye gel drops which will moisturise your eyes more effectively than other drops.
Sending hugs 🤗

Largolass Wed 26-Aug-26 11:25:04

Liz Earle’s “Eyebright” is a great moisturiser for tired, stinging eyes.
Sending a big hug 😊

labazs Wed 26-Aug-26 13:19:58

Optrex do a soothing eye spray its really good and i keep a bottle in my handbag. please though let the tears come so you can heal God bless

Cossy Wed 26-Aug-26 13:26:31

Thinking of you 💕 thanks

nanna8 Wed 26-Aug-26 13:28:31

It’s a horrible time and many of us have suffered this way. I wouldn’t worry too much about your tears, they are natural. If they irritate your skin I find that the ointment you use for eye infections works (named chlorsig here ) We can get it at the chemists. It is good for treating conjunctivitis. (hugs)

DianneAngel Wed 26-Aug-26 13:36:27

Put 2 teaspoons in the fridge for a few hours. Then lie down and put them over your eyes. Otherwise, try cold damp (not wet) teabags. hugs

Romola Wed 26-Aug-26 13:50:32

This might sound peculiar, but I find that tears of happiness are easier to control and less hard on the eyes than tears of sadness. So I try to think more of the happy and positive times and less of the loss.

V3ra Wed 26-Aug-26 14:14:31

I find petroleum jelly/Vaseline smeared on the eyelids and skin around the eyes is a good waterproofer against tears or watery eyes.
I used it earlier this year when severe hayfever left me with peeling, cracking and bleeding eyelids. It was the only thing that helped.

And yes it is debilitating. You don't need it at this time xx

greyfur16 Wed 26-Aug-26 14:17:01

I'n so sorry and I don't want to be horribly insensitive but it is a healthy thing sometimes.

Could you ask your doctor or an optician?

pably15 Wed 26-Aug-26 15:22:23

I'm so sorry for your loss, I'd say let the tears fall, it's better than holding it in,perhaps a cold cloth held over your eyes will bring some comfort.

AuntieE Wed 26-Aug-26 15:40:30

I too am very sorry for your loss, and clearly remember my (almost) hysterical bouts of crying when my husband died.

We all tackle grief in our own way, and should do so, but I found it helpful to get on with practical things, sorting my husband's clothes, putting aside personal possessions for our son, going through papers for probate, and in between practical tasks allowing myself to cry.

This may not work for you.

Any bland oinment applied under your eyes and on your cheeks shouldl help the discomfort from weeping, and a mild saline solution to bathe your eyes with ought to help too.

4allweknow Wed 26-Aug-26 17:57:14

If your eyes are crusty with all tge tears drying Optase does a gell that helps prevent the crust, itchiness developing. I use it to help with crust from blocked tearduct problem. So sorry for your loss.

HelterSkelter1 Thu 27-Aug-26 07:08:23

yogitree. I am the opposite. DH died 2 weeks ago today and I am finding it difficult to cry although I want to. I spoke to the Marie Curie helpline early one morning this week and the lovely counsellor advised that grief is so individual. And of course while she was talking I could sob, but then not much since then.
For my long term eye problems I have found the Optrex eye spray easy to use and helpful. Viscotears gel is good for dry eyes. Cold damp teabags sound good. And slices of cucumber a famous remedy. And any light moisturiser for the surrounding area.
Like you I am in the early days. It's wretched. More wretched than I thought possible.

greyfur16 Thu 27-Aug-26 07:55:26

Bless you HelterSkelter and others struggling. I'm so "pleased" you mentioned the Marie Curie helpline. You get through to an empathic person and you can just talk and talk or cry or type your thoughts.
I tried all sorts of things, groups and so on. This was the only thing that helped.

Samsara1 Thu 27-Aug-26 10:39:02

I am so sorry for your loss yogitree and HelterSkelter1. It is very hard to manage the floods of tears that come before you are even awake it seems. I use Vaseline on my eyes and eyelashes which soothes and allows any fluid to flow over. My sincere condolences to you both.

HelterSkelter1 Thu 27-Aug-26 10:46:09

There seems to be a little group of us in the same timescale of sadness. Barleysugar as well. All welling up...or like me not and want to. I am sure my tears will come and my eyes will be sore.

Such kindness I have met on this site and in the Outer World.

NotSpaghetti Thu 27-Aug-26 11:04:13

yogitree and HelterSkelter1 and Barleysugar - no solutions except sleep/rest.

I have found lying with my eyes closed and just gently listening to my body and the world around me does sooth the tension if I've been weeping a lot. I know I would weep and weep if I were in your position.
🙏 Thinking of you all.

Quizzer Sat 29-Aug-26 13:40:21

Use hypromellose eye drops, made for dry eyes, but will restore the correct balance.
Crying is a release of tension - let it go.

Nanny27 Sat 29-Aug-26 13:50:39

I don't have any helpful remedies for your poor eyes I'm afraid but could scroll by without sending a warm hug in your sadness.

Grandma600 Sat 29-Aug-26 14:03:42

Sorry for your loss. Please remember to keep your fluids topped up so that you stay hydrated while you're at the weeping stage, however much you don't feel like it x

Indiebee Sat 29-Aug-26 14:09:04

Yogitree, Helterskelter1 and Barleysugar - we are with you, unable to ameliorate your loss, but remembering the sad desperation. Wishing you peace and strength. 💐💐💐

SheepyIzzy Sat 29-Aug-26 14:09:14

Basic Gel Tears/Liquid tears, lubrication that's all.

I have dry eyes and various eye drops but sometimes my eyes don't like any of them, so it's back to basic. (They were recommended by the vet for the dog in 1998!)

Rocketstop2 Sat 29-Aug-26 14:17:39

I am so sorry for each of you who are grieving.
Have you tried some cotton wool balls soaked in cooled boiled water, then squeezed out and keep in a plastic bag in the fridge ? A couple of nice chilled pads reduce the swelling and take the sting out.Don't use each 'Pad' more than once though as you don't want to risk infection, hence soaking them in boiled water rather than tap water.