Merlot, my heart goes to you and I hope you find a good OAP home for your mum.
Looking back, I remember feeling my mum was not getting enough help with feeding, and I did get cross and upset at times with staff.
And now, I just don't know how to say this. But from times immemorial, old people have chosen to eat less and less, as a way of 'shortening' their demise. Consciously or not. My mum just didn't want to eat- but due to my insistance at first, she was fed, not quite force-fed, but close - hyper vitamin/mineral salts, etc, chocolate puddings - the only thing she still enjoyed. Looking back, I now realise that this is not what she wanted - and that, in the nicest possible way, I didn't support her in the outcome she wanted. Not sure at all if this is the case in any way with your mum. If it is, I can tell you this is the hardest thing to accept, as we all want our nearest and dearest to fight for life. I hope you will understand that what I am trying to say if with my heart. Take care, of you too.