Going into care.

My MiL had no option, no choice and she's very very unhappy. She'd always been a bit eccentric and contrary so her decline was difficult to see coming. It was her physical condition that made it clear that was somthing was wrong. She refused any intervention, advice or help from the family. Last Year she started to loose vast amounts of weight and started collapsing and she was admitted to hospital. On the third occasion they wouldn't let her home saying she was too frail to look after herself. After lots of advice from professionals and meetings the family were told she may only have weeks to live and they recommend a care home. I think she was bed blocking and was moved to a lovely home. It was like a first class hotel. Had its own restaurant with waiter service. I'd have stayed there myself. She blossomed. Unfortunately she was forced to move because it cost a fortune (£1800) a week. The home she's in now is pretty grim although it got a 'good' cqc. She says she feels like a prisoner. She's started being violent and attacking the staff. She has dementia but I feel it's lack stimulation and freedom and that's she's angry. We live 250+ miles away her other son has power of attorney and there's an order ( I don't remember the name somthing about not having any Liberty) and has he made all the arrangements . I'm not blaming him he was advised and did what he thought was best. Her council house has gone, her daughter has to work full time as do we and the youngest son. The other two sons wouldn't contemplate taking her in. So what I'm trying to say in a long winded way is that we may think we may have a choice but in certain circumstances we won't. Now that's truly scary. This time last year she had a life and now...well she hasn't

That is really sad Morethan2. If your MIL has a severe dementia and she has been assessed under the Mental Capacity Act as not having the ability to make decisions about her care, she would be unable to manage at home and it would be very difficult for family to look after her themselves, as it seems she requires 24 hour care and attention to maintain her safety and wellbeing. I think you may have been thinking about the 'Deprivation of Liberty Act' which determines whether someone is being detained against their will. It is a complex piece of legislation which is not taken lightly. The bottom line really, is whether or not your MIL could manage at home with help or whether she requires the 24 hour care provided by a care home. If she is violent to staff I fear that even a residential home will be unable to manage her behaviour and she will need to be assessed and moved to a more specialised unit. None of us know what the future will bring for us, which as you say, is truly scary.

I know my children would not have me living with them and to be honest it isn't what I would want either, but I am scared stiff of going into care, I hope more than anything to die before I need care.