Tipping Point

I am sooooo sorry.

When my first husband died in 1992 he hadn't yet reached his 60th birthday, but he'd had 20 years of cardiovascular problems and in the last few years, mini-strokes. This would inevitably have led to the ischaemic form of dementia - with every stroke a little bit more brain tissue is lost.

People said to me 'Oh what a pity he died so young'. I could not wish him back knowing he would have developed dementia. In a way that helped with the grieving.

Yes, it's well-documented that mortally-wounded soldiers on battlefields do call for their mothers.

My mum thought I was her mother towards the end. Which fits in with the Bookcase model too.

Dementia is dreadful, so so sad gradually losing someone. All I can do is wish strength to whoever has this trouble in their family at this time. I guess it could be my turn soon.

Had to laugh about the bowel movement report ....My OH (PD with lewy body dementia) does the same ......I'm thinking of keeping a chart like they have in hospitals ! Not fun, is it ...what keeps me sane (well, almost !) is the PD carers support group ...had to go to the USA to find it, but its a brilliant support group ...non judgmental, creed and the colour and the name don't matter ...we are all there for each other ! Wish my OH would agree to respite once in a while as we have no support network here in France ....and it is quite isolated !!! Wish you all the best .....he hasn't called me his mother yet ...but on the other hand, he thought his mother was wonderful ....so maybe that would be a good thing (or possibly why he doesn't think I am !) He does often call me by his late wife's name, and did once ask who I was, what I was in his house for, and where was his wife ? I just laughed and let it pass ....................bon courage !

VIOLETTE - I have pm'd you.

To all of you wonderful people dealing with dementia I send a big hug and my total admiration for your courage. Hang on in there ?

It is probably little comfort to you Granny23 but from what you have told us your OH was basically in a happy place. He was pleased with his new pyjamas, remembered having got them for Xmas, had a nice time at Xmas and recognised you as someone he loved, not a stranger.

Confusion about who is who seems shocking at first. My MIL at one time thought my OH was her (late) husband and took agin me because she thought I was his fancy woman! I showed her some old photos, including our wedding photo and asked if she knew who was who and she did.

You are doing a great job with him and it is really important that you share this information with family, close friends and medical advisors. They should then be able to help you both as best they can.

I read this with a heavy heart as my mum is coming up to five years in a home and is in late stages of dementia often just sleeping. I dread to think how hard it is fir you watching your husband disappear like this. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you virtual hugs .

This is my third attempt at a reply, I think my replies were so long the page kept refreshing!

So a much shortened version, it might be worth researching a little the benefits of CBD oil with dementia.
Link below to an article on a nursing home that uses it on residents, with family approval. And another link about the company that makes my fathers oil, Charlottes Web. We are having good results with the use of the oil for my fathers alzheimers.

www.facebook.com/ILMCPP/

www.chicagonow.com/soapbox-momma/2015/06/charlottes-web-hemp-oil-is-truly-a-miracle-cure-for-many/

g23 hugs
it can be very bizarre i know/dad used to call me by my mother or stepmothers names and it was a bit creepy except that i know he loved them both very much.
places that compensate for the illness are great.husband worked in an alzhiemers unit for years and did alot of re-education of young carers.one instance was a huge tv playing a ww2 movie and the residents were in a panic.explained in a meeting that most of the clients were"stuck"in the 40's and 50's and had served in the military.so a 50inch tv showing savin private ryan or similar was to them.like looking out a window and we were under attack.
another instance was getting a lovely lady to brush her teeth,she would get hysterical and cry out glue glue!.
sent husband to work with tooth powder.(toothpaste is a fairly modern item) lovely lady brushes her teeth after every meal now.
with my dad i would just answer him as whomever he thought i was and go on.30 minutes later he would be telling me stories about him and my rock and roll mom.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Maybe when the days get back to normal. My DH has first stage dementia so life not too bad at the moment. Have to repeat most things over and over as he doesnt retain. On tuesday we are going to a local Alzheimer's social group for the first time, but pointless discussing this with him until the morning of Tuesday, as he will have forgotten by then. Dont like to think too far ahead about our lives...but will take each day at a time.
Wishing you both a good New Year with lots of health and happiness thrown in.

I can't add much that others haven't already said, and my most recent experience in related matters was caring for my nan who had dementia (she thought I was my sister for a while then didn't have a clue who I was, and thought my brother was a distant cousin who would be about 60 years older than my brother) - but when your spouse refers to you as his mother it must be so painful. My thoughts are with you and I do hope the respite care gives you some 'time-out' for yourself. Often there is nobody caring for the carers, so as well as looking after a loved one you need to look after yourself. It's good that others on Gransnet have an understanding of the issues you face and can empathise with your circumstances - I hope the number and quality of replies to your post show we do care. Lots of

I think the more people share what it is like living with a person suffering from dementia the better.

It seems that for much of the time, trying to keep the person calm by humouring them is an effective way of getting through the day. An outsider coming across this happening though is likely to wonder what is going on, so if the more people talk about it, then the more people will realise it's quite a common thing when dementia is involved.

My Mum visits an old friend with dementia in a care home who was the headmistress of the local school. The lady doesn't recognise any of her many visitors, but she is quite happy to see everyone. The home gave my Mum some good advice about getting the most out of her visits. Mum says it feels rather artificial, but she cares enough for her friend to keep going to see her.

Hugs x

So glad you are feeling more positive today Granny23. Looking after someone with dementia can be tough, rewarding, hysterical and whole lot more. I came downstairs one morning to find that my Grandad had left a little walnut whip package on each of my cream, dining room chairs. I could not believe my eyes or my ears when he asked indignantly (with his trousers and pants round his ankles) "Who on earth would do such a thing?" Now, although I couldn't eat a walnut whip to save my life, I still have a little giggle when I see one!