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I think I am losing her.

(34 Posts)
millymouge Sat 02-Feb-19 22:25:47

I know many others have the same problem, I suppose I just want to have a moan about the unfairness of life. My sister is 10 years older than me, she had responsible jobs in her life, as a nursing sister and later a probation officer. She never married, cared for our mother for several years until she died and for several years after had a happy social life.
It was about 12years ago her health started to cause problems. Arthritis in her spine, and then general poor health. About 8 years ago we found she was unable to care for herself alone in her home as her mental state was becoming frail She lived very close to us so I was able to be there for her. But things got worse, we were needing 4 carers a day plus me full time. I was being called several times in the night as well, and 18 months ago it got to the state that I couldn't cope any more and she agreed to go into a home. She does have excellent care, but her mental state is declining quite rapidly. She has all the medication she can get to help, but she, as she was, is slipping away. I get many phone calls, she can find my number on her phone, telling me strange things, and when we visit it is the same. It is just so very sad that someone, for some strange reason has gone like this. Life is very cruel sometimes.

Nico97 Sat 02-Feb-19 22:44:43

flowers flowers

Bellanonna Sat 02-Feb-19 22:52:15

It’s very sad for you millymouge. A big hug.

megan123 Sat 02-Feb-19 23:11:31

I am so sorry for your heartache Milly. Your sister has had good jobs, worked hard all her life and then looked after your mother. It seems so cruel that she is now so poorly. I can tell you have a strong bond between the two of you. The sister you knew is disappearing and mental health takes away the person we love, but she is still there Milly, when she looks for you on her phone she is thinking about you.

I am so sorry for all you are going through and send you (((hugs))) and flowers.

PECS Sat 02-Feb-19 23:32:45

πŸ’ So hard to lose a loved one before their body lets them go xx You have loved her and cared for her well. She has had a good life. It is unfair that she cannot have a peaceful end πŸ’

sodapop Sun 03-Feb-19 08:37:18

PECS has said everything for me. So sorry thanks

Anja Sun 03-Feb-19 08:41:40

Life is so unfair. Stay strong for your sister and keep loving her whatever flowers

Septimia Sun 03-Feb-19 09:57:57

I'm so sorry that this has happened. It's always sad, especially when the person has led a good and active life. It happened to my FiL who had always been involved in work, church etc. He sometimes talked 'rubbish', often unkind and usually when he had a urine infection (apparently women tend to get them more than men).
I put together some photos of things we'd all done - like holidays - and took them when I visited. When we talked about them he could remember the fun and laughs we'd had and we both felt cheered as a result.

M0nica Sun 03-Feb-19 11:46:43

Loosing a sister is agony, to watch her leaving you slowly first in mind is prolonged agony.

All I can do is send flowers

Luckygirl Sun 03-Feb-19 11:52:45

Life is indeed cruel - we can only accept this and seek comfort in the fact that there are many kind and genuine people to be found who wish to be supportive. It is tragic when someone declines in this way - my OH is on this road.

Life can be unfair and cruel - we just have to prop each other up and always appreciate those things that are good - or we might go crazy.

Nonnie Sun 03-Feb-19 12:25:14

I know what it is to watch a sister deteriorate. So sorry flowers

Telly Sun 03-Feb-19 13:41:35

While none of us sails through life unscathed, I do think some people get to go through so much more than others and yes, it can seem unfair. At least your sister has you and you have done your best for her. We are all muddling through as best we can. Best wishes to you both. x

Nonnie Sun 03-Feb-19 14:04:34

Oh I so agree Telly life is so unfair. I know one really horrible person who never seems to have bad things happen. Bad things seem to happen to good people.

EllanVannin Sun 03-Feb-19 14:20:26

This is so very sad indeed x

Harris27 Sun 03-Feb-19 14:27:11

Can recognise what you are going through .painful sending you hugs.😘

luluaugust Sun 03-Feb-19 18:10:21

So sorry I know how hard it is to watch someone you love slowly slip away flowers

millymouge Sun 03-Mar-19 08:03:31

She is at peace now, died quietly in her sleep yesterday. Saw her the day before and she was perfectly alright, then had a call from the home yesterday morning that they had found her unresponsive when they took her cup,of tea. She was taken to hospital and died without gaining consciousness yesterday evening. The family were all with her. I don't really know how I feel, just empty I suppose. At least she is at peace now.

megan123 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:05:47


Bellasnana Sun 03-Mar-19 08:19:38

Heartfelt condolences, millymouge. πŸ’

Urmstongran Sun 03-Mar-19 08:31:35

My condolences too πŸ’

Anja Sun 03-Mar-19 08:33:11


travelsafar Sun 03-Mar-19 08:42:30

sad flowers

NanKate Sun 03-Mar-19 08:49:39

I am glad your sister is at peace now. You have been a good sister. πŸ’

PECS Sun 03-Mar-19 08:56:14

Condolences for your sister's death.
πŸ’ In time you will be able to smile at happier memories of your times together.

Wobbles Sun 03-Mar-19 09:04:21

My deepest sympathy, sending you a massive bear hug flowers