Betty65, the diagnosis won't make you or mum feel happier, and I'm so sorry you must be in turmoil at the moment. However, the formal diagnosis will make you feel less alone in the future and better able to get help when you need it - and you must learn to ask for help. The thing about dementia, I think, is that you always feel one step (or more) behind this cruel illness, whereas professionals will be able to move you both forward, but you'll have to be able to be forceful for both of you and get them involved early on. You'll need to be able to start the conversation with 'I'm calling about my mum, she has a formal diagnosis of vascular dementia ...' . It's difficult and it needs a bit of practice but the words get results from professionals, even if things still move slowly. Get power of attorney if that is still a possibility or, if not, 'appointment to act' if you need to deal with her pension etc. DWP will be quite willing for you to bear the burden as long as she has a diagnosis! I don't mean to be negative, been there and done all that, and also delayed getting the official diagnosis for a long time, but actually it will also help you to get the support to let your mum to lead her own life for as long as possible. The thing to come to terms with first of all is that this is happening and is going to get worse - a big step - and you are likely to become your mum's carer which is a big change in role to come to terms with. That's if you are willing to take it on, don't feel guilty if you can't deal with what's to come and get help to decide what to do. Whatever you decide you need help too and the local carers' association is invaluable to talk you through the help available, such as contact with dementia groups locally, even just listening to you. Do call them if you don't know what to do next. Do things in your own time, but when you're feeling strong try to move things along. Life can still be happy with your mum but try to be prepared because it will be difficult too. Look after yourself Betty.