Next of kin

It can be very difficult to get a person to agree to visiting GP or memory clinic for a diagnosis of dementia, since people often refuse to believe there’s anything wrong with them. And it may not be ‘denial’ as such, since at any given moment they can’t remember that they can’t remember anything, if that makes sense.

I know of a case where lack of a diagnosis enabled someone to virtually steal a substantial estate. A live-in carer, apparently with impeccable credentials, moved in with a parent with fairly early dementia. She soon turned him against his formerly very close family and refused to allow them to see him.

Subsequently she took him abroad and married him, without informing any of his family, and evidently got him to make a new will, leaving everything - a lot - to her.
And he died not too long afterwards.

The family took the case to court but the woman was so clever and plausible, that they lost.
The person who told me this suspected that the woman, a former medical professional, had contrived to hasten his end, but he had quickly been cremated - the wife’s choice as legal next of kin - so there could never be any proof.

An awful warning, if ever there was one.

Thank you Monica, that is nice of you to say.

I retract my previous statement regarding the Adult Long Term Conditions organisation as she won't have been referred there yet, as she hasn't attended the memory club. I've just found the actual NHS Memory Club Service and phoned them. She IS on their list, I enquired as to when the clubs would be active, and someone is going to phone my aunt for a general chat. I said that she was her friend's staunch supporter and very concerned. I've phoned my aunt to tell her and she is very relieved, it's all been a huge strain for her, and she is so worried where her friend will end up as she lives for her garden. Thank you all for your support, doing these things long distance is very difficult.

What a story Witzend. Thinking about it thirty odd years ago, my best friend's godfather, who had always promised he'd 'look after her' when he passed, married his carer too. He died a few years later and she got nothing.

My uncle, a solicitor' said the only time you beleive anything about a will is when the will maker is dead and you are reading it in print.

He said he had lost count of all the people he dealt with who had been told they would be left money in wills and weren't and had often made decisions on the promise. Only in the most exceptional of cases, do these people have any entitlement to money from the estate.

Why people make all these promises, I do not know. Sometimes it is just plain nastiness, so they can feast on the disappointment they know the person will suffer when the money is not forthcoming or whether it is fear that if someone knew their real uintentions they might try and facilitte the death.

For the past five years I was under the impression my aunt was going to leave her flat to me MOnica, she has continually referred to 'my inheritance'. I'd never asked her about it as I think it's rude, plus I think she'll have to sell it to fund her care. Somehow, recently, she told me I will inherit it 50/50 with my estranged brother.

I think I've said before that my mother lived with my brother and SIL and they benefited from her will - twenty years on I still feel uneasy about my mother's death, I don't think my SIL rang the ambulance in time.

I've just spoken to my aunt, who has received a call from the Memory Service.

She was given time to discuss the complex situation she has found herself in regarding her friend's family, was able to describe her friend's behaviour in detail, and it seems the Service have been trying to contact the grandson who is listed as next of kin.

My aunt is really really relieved that something will now be done. I can't understand why I didn't do my research earlier, I think I tried and couldn't find anything - but better late than never.

This poor lady, with her nearest and dearest, quick to step up tot the plate and say they are next of kin. where selling her home is concerned, completely indifferent when it concerns her well-being and care.

predatory marriage of older or disabled people is a well-known phenomenon, and sometimes linked to actual foul play, but is very difficult to prove.
and as for the old lady in this case, the problem is that things are not joined up or cross-referenced.
so it is possible to arrange a sale and have funds transferred, and those monies moved, esp if a party lives abroad before anyone has noticed or can do anything about it.
that is why i suggested a referral to social services as an urgent safe-guarding concern re possible financial abuse, and or neglect of need.

I hope the Memory Service are going to act quickly now they realise how vulnerable she is welbeck. My aunt did tell them that the grandson had put the house on the market.