What arrangements should we put in place for old age

I am 73 and my dh is 68. We are both active and alert and live in a 3 bed semi. I have decluttered to an extent. We have 4 sons between us. I have one son who lives abroad and 3 wonderful stepsons local. Our Wills and POA are sorted. Funerals are paid for. The eldest and very capable stepson is my will executor for convenience with agreement of my son who is 1000s of miles distant.

We are now thinking of moving to a bungalow. We don’t want to move far as Drs, supermarket, corner shop, and family are all convenient.
We considered building out back with a sun room/later a bedroom and downstairs shower room but it might be easier to move if a suitable bungalow came on the market.
Yesterday when eldest s/son and family I brought up the suggestion that we may move. They were all for it.

Dil is a senior nurse involved in the care of palative care patients and says the hardest conversations she has is asking a patient in an unsuitable house if they wish to live upstairs or downstairs. Upstairs with access to the bathroom or downstairs with a bed in the dining room, a commode, and access to the garden.

My dil is a gem. They are both so good to us. Trimmed our apple trees in springtime and cleared out our overstuffed garage during the summer.
We have always helped them with childcare and the dgc still come to us a couple of days each week after school.
Last year well gave all 4 boys a lump sum each out of their inheritance. Eldest s/son didn’t want to take it. Told us to take a 3 month cruise.
To move to a bungalow I’d still want 3 bedrooms to allow for dgc sleepovers and family coming home from abroad. I’d still want a garage for ‘stuff’. Also dh smokes and watches football and rugby in the garage ….. with tv and heater ?

To move to a bungalow will cost a good deal more than what we will get for our present modest home. About half of what we have as our nest egg. I always like to have enough behind us so that we could help any of them if they had a crisis. Only the youngest ever needed help when he separated and he is currently regularly paying that back and has been for 3 years, never missing a payment.

If we move and use a lot of our nest egg we will not have the security of the nest egg we’re used to. We live comfortably, we have a car each, but otherwise very modestly.

I do know this is a first world problem.
Many people are not as fortunate as us to be able to have the option of moving. I love my little house and it is suitable at present but I’m thinking of the future and the stairs. We’ve both had a few falls on the stairs. We both have serious underlying conditions but thankfully currently are mobile.

So sorry , I have rambled, and understand that for many GNers I’ve probably gone on too much. xx

I was widowed at 57, DH had just had his 72nd Birthday. 2 years after he died I moved to a Mobile Home about 10 miles from DD & her family. I live in a small Town . However at the moment my mobility is almost non-exisant. I had a very severe infection in January (Cellulitis) & am still receiving treatment, I'm only 66, so anything can happen, luckily I'm still driving.

Our lovely shop & Post Office closed 3 years ago, it was within walking distance. There are buses into Town every half hour & into our nearest larger Town, every hour into a very large Town. Doctor's Surgery is in Town & 2 Hospitals in nearby Towns.

I have done my POAs & am going to do my Living Will or whatever it's called now. I need to have my Will checked over but there is only my DD to inherit (DGSs will inherit if she pre-deceases me). We discuss my wishes regarding Funeral & she knows where all my papers are.

I keep having a bit of a de-clutter but I'm only in a one bedroom home so room is limited, most of my de-cluttering was done in our previous moves

My parents moved to the coast when they retired and all was good for many years. The lived into their 90’s but the last few years showed that they needed help. I lived almost 4 hours drive away but I did go and stay with them and helped them as much as I possibly could, unlike my sibling! They said that it was their problem as they decided to move there. Hospitals were quite a drive away. For me looking after them was a no brainier, I wouldn’t have done anything different. They were always there for me and my siblings, I was there for them. They are no longer with us and although it was a difficult few years I am glad I was there for them. I am trying to plan for old age, no plans to move house but new air source heating installed, bathrooms will be refitted and I will need a gardener at some point. LPA’s are in place. Now to enjoy life.

My DH and I are both still fit and well and don't intend to go anywhere anytime soon, but I would love to declutter. My problem is my DH , who isn't really interested. I do go through my things periodically and chuck stuff out. But my DH never does. Added to which we have lived here since our AC were babies . They didn't move out until they were in their late 20s so the house still contains masses of their belongings. I have just acquired the book " The gentle art of Swedish Death Cleaning" and really hope that I can persuade my DH to sort through his belongings.

Alioop, my lovely elderly neighbour has a large garden and was finding it difficult to cope with and upsetting to look at. She now has two young neighbours, who live in an upstairs converted flat, taking good care of it for her. They grow many vegetables, look after her hens, cut the lawn and hedge etc. - and check on her too. It's a brilliant arrangement.

Thinking how very many people I've known who died in their 40s, 50s or 60s, nobody is assured of reaching the state of 'old age' anyway. Make a will. Make a list, on a computer, handwritten or whatever, of all your account numbers, passwords, memorable information and whatever login details are needed, for banking and borrowing, pensions, utilities, even social media sites, everything that would need closing, and ensure your children, siblings (or whoever will have to sort it all out) know where to locate it. Mine are on a Word document, copied onto three portable USB drives, and my daughters know the PIN/passcodes to start up my computers and my mobile phone. Also listed are contact phone numbers and email addresses of my siblings, ages and vaccination status of my pets, dates when all the house and car insurances etc are due, again with login details.

I have lost far too many friends and relatives in 'middle age', some to cancer, with a few years of knowing their time was limited, to those who were apparently perfectly well until the morning they went out for a run or bike ride, and had a fatal heart attack, or sat down in the evening and had a stroke from which they died the next day.

I fear loss of independence far more than I fear death, and I only hope I'm spared a long decline, but be it tomorrow or in 30 years' time, I hope my family are well equipped to deal with it.

if you are lucky,or is it unlucky to reach old age, then the advice off a friend sticks to my thoughts like glue ' it is best to move sooner than later' how many people are stuck in old houses falling down around them,too scared to move ,too scared to stay? declutter etc while you can, big houses are for families or people with too much money!

Having looked after selfish mother, stepfather and MiL, i feel quite strongly about this subject.

We are early 70s and are clearing out lots of things that we will never use. Clearing three homes after a death was utterly draining and very expensive.

We have POA as well as ‘End of Life’ letters, which have been discussed with our children.

We both have lots of different saving accounts and full details of these are in a box and updated regularly. Also in the box are utility bills, insurance documents, anything that they will need to help them deal with out affairs. Also the Will and copies of POA.

Our Health and Welfare Powers of Attorney state our wishes very clearly. The added section stipulates that given certain conditions, we emphatically do not want any ‘striving to keep alive’. And that we do not want or expect our daughters to look after us.
IMO that needs to be put firmly in writing, because what someone says when they have all their marbles, can differ very widely from what they say they want once they have dementia - particularly if they can’t understand that there’s anything wrong with them!

Hardly anybody ever actually wants to go into a home, but there are circs. when it may be the only practical option, especially where dementia beyond the early stages is involved. Having seen, and lived with, far too much of that horrible disease, there is no way I want our dds to have to cope with it.

Re decluttering, I don’t think we have too much stuff, but I have told dds (and will put it in writing) that I will leave a list of anything at all valuable, and they should then just get the house clearance people in.
Having done it myself, I don’t want them to have to do that, either.

Our house is not too big for us, we have only a very small garden, and it’s in a very convenient location for excellent public transport, shops, doctor, etc., so I don’t see us downsizing any time soon.
If I am ever left on my own, I would probably do it, though.