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Coping alone

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Ethelwashere1 Wed 12-Jan-22 08:01:20

My mother, 90, has recently returned from hospital, im the only person to keep an eye on her.
She has refused help from anyone, shes on oxygen so is limited physically. Her condition is heart failure and recovering from pnewmonia. My problem is that as shes mentally ok, everyone has washed there hands of her. I tried social services but shes nit entitled to any care.
When she left hospital, i wasnt asked if i could look after her, i wasnt given an6 instructions. Now after over a week, shes had one doctors phone call, call from social services to say they cant help her.
I live nearby but cant cope with her housework, im exhausted doing my own. Im off on sick leave with this super cold so i can visit but i wear my mask so she says she cant lipread. She has expensive hearing aids but refuses to wear them.
My visits always degenerate into a row as she wont try anything to help herself, she makes snack meals, says if i bring anymore food she wont eat it. Occasionally she cooks veg in her microwave but not allowed to fry as shes on oxygen.
The negativity just drains my energy before i get in the door knowing everything i do or say is wrong. I know it must he frustrating after being active. The other worry is that no one checks her heart or other medical signs, she has high bp. Im just left with battling every day. Any advice

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Barmeyoldbat Wed 12-Jan-22 19:02:36

I just feel for you and know exactly what you are going through. My own mother had cancer and just took to her bed. She was not going to have any help coming, she had daughters and they could look after her. All very well but the others lived in various parts of the country and I was the nearest. What hard work she was, I ended up going to her Dr’s surgery in tears asking to see anyone who could help, I was so stressed and worn out I just cried my eyes out. Anyway someone went in and saw mum and I was told to give her tough love which I did. She had to take outside help in the end and I suggest you first try her Dr and let him know exactly how you are feeling and also you will have to give your mum some tough love by not letting her get her own way all the time at the cost of your health. I wish you all the besg

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Germanshepherdsmum Wed 12-Jan-22 19:08:21

?*Barmey*.

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Ethelwashere1 Sun 16-Jan-22 10:37:14

Thank you all for advice, someone from adult care is visiting soon. I will be there too so hopefully can get sorted

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Germanshepherdsmum Sun 16-Jan-22 10:44:49

That’s good news Ethel. Thanks for letting us know. I do hope they are able to get your mum to see sense. And I hope you feel a bit better just knowing you’ve made this progress.?

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