MiL wants to go to care home. We don’t think she’s ready.

My mother wanted to go into a care home but she was way too young ad once in there not air of activities and went downhill very fast

My mum asked to go in a care home when she was reasonably well . My sister insisted she move in with her . They didn't really get on , mum's dementia became unmanable , she went into a care home and really didn't settle well at all
A trial is a great idea. To choose while you are still able is a godsend . I think your mum is a wise woman

I'm confused by your post*gn38*. If your house is your marital home with your husband and you still reside there, you cannot be made to sell it in order to pay for your husband's care.

My dear 90 year old Mum is now in a nursing home, following an injury. The care is exemplary. I have sold her too large home. In my opinion Mum should have moved much earlier, so she could have taken advantage of all the social activities available to her, before she became bed bound. It’s such a lovely place xx

Smileless2012

I'm confused by your post*gn38*. If your house is your marital home with your husband and you still reside there, you cannot be made to sell it in order to pay for your husband's care.

I was confused by that as well.

I'd assumed he chose to move (not forced), needs his half of home sale proceeds to pay for his place?

The OP mum is 92, may just want to sell and pay for care.

If its what she wants support her.My late MIL was keen to go into sheltered housing my sil kept telling her she wouldnt like it .
She stayed in her own home where she was lonely ,SIL also didn't want her to come to us and she didn't want to upset her daughter who "is highly strung" .
She had a stroke while on her own ,luckily her carer arrived just a half hour or so later ,we knew the time roughly because I''d been chatting to her on the phone .
Its very selfish of you to want her to stay by herself when she could have some company while she wants/needs it .
My MIL died ,I feel guilty that I didn't stand up to her selfish daughter and bring her to stay with us .Now that same daughter is refusing to go with her brother ,my OH to scatter MIl's ashes and says she's "not ready" .Its been 15 months which I think is quite disrespectful but her brother comes out with the usual " she's highly strung" nonsense .

She sounds very sensible! Go and visit a few care homes with her and choose one which she likes. A couple of weeks trial sounds a good idea. Care homes are not prisons! If residents are able to venture out safely it will often be encouraged.
Many offer activities according to abilities and interests.

My mil said she wanted to move into a care home a number of years before she actually needed to.
We took her to see a few and there was always something not quite right with every one,so she did it do it u tiles she had to following a fall and broken hip.
It turned out she didn’t like it.What she really wanted was either her son or daughter to move in with her at her house without their respective spouses!
She’s maybe tired,she may have had a few scares like almost falling,and no one sees her for a few days after.would she consider one of the wrist or neck alarms?
But if she’s got her full factualities you can only help to enable her.
Good luck to you all.

Perhaps at 92 your MIL simply wants to relinquish the responsibility of running her own home and enjoy having no housework to do. Maybe she is ready for an easier, more restful life and feels a retirement home is a safe place where there will be company, meals in a dining room and where there will be staff to support her for her remaining years.

If she is adamant, help her look at as many as it takes, until she has made up her mind which one.

Only she knows how she feels within herself.

She may change her mind. My mum (96) considered it a few times, but came to the conclusion that she liked keeping some measure of independence and has people/family popping in. She has visited friends in care homes and so is making an informed choice. But her mobility is quite difficult, so that may in time be a decider for her. These nonogerians are truly inspiring.

Cloudscape, first can I say what a lovely person you must be, you are obviously very fond of mil and want her happy. I do wonder however, if perhaps she is not coping as well physically, the suggestion of trying the care home for a while sounds good. It would save two moves. As you age everything takes longer and you age are no longer do thise tasks you found easy. I would however make sure where residents sit round in circles but there is the opportunity for lots of social interaction. Some posters do come over as a bit dismissive and judgemental, best to ignore.

When my Mum decided, at 89, that she wanted to go into a care home it was because, although she appeared to be coping well, she felt very insecure and vulnerable, aware that her situation wasn’t going to improve and needing the reassurance that even at night there was always someone close at hand. Nor did she want to be bothered with the routine upkeep of her home. Sadly she had a stroke before we could arrange that and eventually had to go into a nursing home, rather than the purely residential home she preferred.
Looks like you have done the right thing by visiting homes and finding a decent one. The only advice I would give is, if your Mum is mentally fit, avoid homes that take dementia patients as she might find that distressing. There is probably a waiting list for a good place so this would give your Mum time to be sure this is what she wants. In the meantime try to get an LPA in place if you don’t already have one, it will make life much easier for you all.

cloudscape, I wouldn't want to start over by 'moving house' at 92 either.

My aunt moved into a lovely
hotel until she really did need a nursing home. She was 'Tired with everything, running a house, shopping and cooking!' Fair enough at that age, surely?