How to cope when you have nobody

@Aveline Thank you, that's great to hear that you visit such happy communities for older people. I wonder if some voluntary work with older people might be beneficial for me too actually. If I could see that older life doesn't have to be all sad and lonely, I would feel more positive.

I actually get on really well with older people. I am a bit of an old soul myself, so maybe they would enjoy my help and company too!

@Margiknot Thank you, I definitely appreciate what you say about not everyone being able to rely on their children, especially if disabled, and it must be a worry having to plan for their future too. I wish you all the best.

Apologies to anyone who I have not directly replied to, but please know that I am hugely grateful for all your help and supportive messages.

I think that "saying them outloud" may well be liberating!

Thinking of you.

Strawberriesandpears

@V3ra Thank you, that's interesting that you have bought an apartment to rent out. If I could do something like that, I would feel more confident about the future, I think. I have found a retirement village I would like to live in when I am older, but I worry that a property won't be available when I need it.

@NotSpaghetti Thank you for sharing your positive outlook. I certainly appreciate that being an only child isn't always a bad thing and that siblings aren't always supportive.

You are also right that it is unfair of me not to share my worries with my partner more. I do have a friend in a similar situation to me, but I haven't yet felt up to speaking to her about my worries. I guess a part of me feels that if I say them out loud, they will be more 'true' if that makes any sense at all!

There’s every possibility that the retirement village won’t be there in 30 years time 🤷‍♀️
How do you budget that far into the future? The finest brains in the world wouldn’t attempt that.
Let’s suppose that you’re still here in 30 yrs and you move to your retirement village.
You’ve budgeted all these yrs and worried yourself sick.
The when you’ve been there a year they double your service charge ( it happens now all the time ) and you find you didn’t budget for that?
Then what will happen is: you will be asked to leave. Leaving you in exactly the same position you’re in now.

Just to say you sound like a super nice and kind hearted person - I’m almost 60 and also have terrible anxiety, but as you get older you’ll find you just worry less about the realities of maybe being alone and or lonely and will grow into older age. Some great advice on here, and don’t forget you could also foster or adopt when you have more time to do so - so many children need homes

Lesley60

I think you are suffering from extreme anxiety and should visit your Doctor, he may prescribe you something for it or refer you for talking therapy as these extreme thoughts are not usually seen in people your age and you don’t sound as if you are making the most of your young adult life

I agree with Lesley60

This level of anxiety about your old age or infirmity is not normal at your age and I think, too, that you need help.

There are many younger people with life-limiting conditions or coping with illness, parents of young childre sometimes, and they try to make the best of their lives and, if they do have children, to provide them with happy memories.

Don't meet trouble halfway, you have no idea what the future holds.

Your life is built on worrying about what ifs. Nobody knows what the future holds and my best advice to you is to be grateful for what you have and stop wasting your life worrying about things you have no control of.
If this isn’t a wind-up, I just want to say I do understand anxiety but this is next level. And as others have said, build a strong friendship group - you can at least pick your friends.

When I was young I worried about nuclear war.

When I was your age I was worrying about my parents and my MIL, all of whom were the age DH and I are now (my parents didn't have me when they were young). I did have young children too and a full-time job so scarcely had time to think of myself.

When I got to my 70s I thought about bungalows or retirement apartments but that's as far as it's got!

Forward planning is good but not to the extent it is overwhelming what should be an enjoyable time in your life.

Please do seek some help.

@Allira Thank you. I do appreciate that all this worrying about my own future may make me seem a little selfish or self obsessed. I do worry about others too though, including my parents and partner.

@LaCrepescule Thank you, it definitely isn't a wind up. It's something I worry about almost every moment of the day and night. You are certainly right that I should try to be grateful for what I do have.

Wouldn't you prefer to spend time enjoying the here and now, though?

Have you spoken to your gp?
I can't remember if you said you have, sorry.

@KateW19 Thank you, that is very kind of you to say. I wish you well in your struggles with anxiety too.

@petra Thank you too. I absolutely understand what you say. I cling on to hope that the retirement village exists when I need it (it has apparently been there for 100 years plus) so I am hopeful! But it is not a certainty of course.

I think it just see it as a way of trying to avoid the things I fear the most - being lonely and without anyone to look our for me or provide care if / when needed. I think it's understandable why I feel that way. I am constantly bombarded with new stories about how bad loneliness is for your health.

We all are.
Some of us are living the reality, and here we all are, posting, reading, keeping up with our interests, trying out new ones.

The Biblical way is this.

Do not worry about tomorrow, as today has enough worries of it's own.

So true fancythat.

@MissAdventure Thank you. I did speak to my GP last year and was prescribed medication but it didn't really help.

@fancythat That is a very sensible quote. I find life in the present really difficult, because I am dealing with two sets of worries.

In some ways, I am sort of glad I haven't brought children into the world to potentially go through the same stresses.

You need to go back to your gp and explain that the meds didn't help; there are others you can try.

You seem to be more keen on discussing your worries, though, than tackling them and putting them to bed.

If you aren’t keen talking to your partner or friends some sort of counselling might help. Having someone to talk to about your worries might help you put things into perspective and feel a bit or hopefully a lot better.
I wish you well. Anxiety is dreadful, my poor mum suffered and I did to a lesser degree but seeing how it affected my mum made it my business to change my thinking and it worked.
You can do this strawberriesandpears.

Thank you @MissAdventure and @silverlining48

You are right - anxiety is dreadful. It's all the other emotions on top too - sadness, regret, fear. Just too much to cope with.

I shall try to seek help again.

Be brave Strawberriesandpears - you can do this!!
💪
You are stronger than you believe!

Anxiety is dreadful, but discussing it endlessly doesn't allay the sufferers fears, and ends up enabling them.

So, be brave, and make this the year that you find some methods of dealing with your issues. Think of the freedom you'll feel when you manage to spend days without spiralling into negativity.

Your post has set me thinking, I have a friend, just her and her husband, no other family, when one of them dies she will have no one. I am an only child without any cousins and since the death of my dear husband would be completely on my own. My saviour is I have two loving sons but as to what would happen to me if I became unable to look after myself I don’t know. No one knows what may happen, a cousin of my husband had two children who have both died before them, something they would never have imagined. Another friend hasn’t heard from her son for 18 years because she somehow upset his wife. I suppose what I’m trying to say is no one knows who will be there for them at the end. Enjoy your life with your partner, you may still have children if you wish, love them and enjoy your life, try and form a group of friends, just to make life more enjoyable, don’t worry about what will happen 40 or 50 years from now.

If you read threads on here you will see that having children is no insurance against loneliness in later life.

Technology is improving so much there may be robots to help soon!