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Care & carers

Help no POA do not know what to do next

(43 Posts)
sadmum7 Tue 28-Oct-25 15:11:05

Brief resume.

Mother is 98, had dementia for many years she is in complete denial of this and would not agree to POA.

She had 4 carers a day until recently, following 3 falls in 4 days she was admitted to hospital, they undertook a capacity assessment in which it was found she lacked capacity.

Was transferred to a nursing home end of September.

I do not hold POA, so who deals with her bank account/ bills/expenses? Bank have sent me details of Court of Protection and l really do not want to take on this responsibility due to my own ill health, is there an alternative if so what?

Many thanks

silverlining48 Tue 28-Oct-25 15:44:29

I had a quick look online. A deputy needs to be appointed, So suggest you contact the court of protection and explain your situation. Is there anyone else who is trustworthy who could take this on? I hope you can get this sorted out.

silverlining48 Tue 28-Oct-25 15:52:02

If there is no one who can be a deputy the court of protection can allocate a panel deputy.

teabagwoman Tue 28-Oct-25 15:58:03

The Court of Pritection is generally very helpful. Age UK will also be able to advise you. I hope you’re able to get things sorted and get back to sorting out your own health problems.

Lathyrus3 Tue 28-Oct-25 16:02:16

The Court of Protection steps in when there is disagreement amongst interested parties as to the best action for the person who has lost capacity. For instance, if you want to pay the fees from her bank account and the bank says they will not do this without her permission.

In that case you can apply to the Court to have permission either to simply pay fees or to take over management of her whole finances.

The first would go through pretty much on the nod - “in letters” almost certainly without a hearing. The second is obviously a bigger request and would depend on whether any other members of the family objected to your doing that.

If you or any one else in the family don’t want to do it at all the Court will appoint an independent deputy who will manage her financial affairs. Usually in the legal profession. Obviously there will be a significant charge for this.

So you must decide whether you apply to be her Deputy and have access to her finances or just to have permission to ensure her Care home fees are paid. And fill in the forms to say exactly what it is you are applying for.

In the final analysis if you decide you don’t want to do either of those it will be up to the Care home to make that application to receive their fees. Or, of course, decide they cannot continue with her care.

Grandmabatty Tue 28-Oct-25 16:07:54

I had to apply for guardianship for mum as she didn't have poa. The social work department put a lot of pressure on family to do it and I was the only one who would. If you don't want to do it, be very clear from the start you are not doing it. Social work then will apply for it instead. I am in Scotland and it took a full year to get it approved. It's quite onerous in that you need to have audits done and keep careful account of her money.

kittylester Tue 28-Oct-25 16:08:01

I suggest you contact AgeUk for advice.

Georgesgran Tue 28-Oct-25 16:23:54

My friend’s Aunt argued against going into a Care Home and appointed her Solicitor to act for her (her children declined)in Court. She really didn’t have capacity to consent, so the Solicitor administered her finances etc. and charged a hefty amount for so doing. One thing that arose was that Aunty wanted to pay for an operation for her son, but the Solicitor denied that, saying her money was solely for her care and wellbeing,

kjmpde Tue 28-Oct-25 16:33:04

I would suggest speaking to Age UK or similar but please be aware that solicitors will charge an arm and a leg to administer the estate

sadmum7 Tue 28-Oct-25 16:45:48

Thanks everyone. I will contact AGE UK.

Should have thought of them but mind is such a muddle.

THANKS

Sago Tue 28-Oct-25 17:22:46

I had exactly this, my Mother refused to appoint me as POA as she thought I was stealing from her😱.

She went senile overnight and was admitted to hospital then a nursing home.

I applied to the Court of Protection to get guardianship ( I was her only surviving child).
The form took me 2/3 days to complete but a solicitor will charge around £800.
It wasn’t easy but it’s doable.

Whilst waiting the many months for deputyship I got all her finances together and made an appointment with her bank.
They were incredibly helpful.
They got everything lined up so within 48 hours of being appointed deputy I had control.

I had pretended to be her on the phone to stop the very many standing orders to charities and appliance insurance, Sky etc stopped, wrong I know but her account was haemorrhaging money.
I saved her nearly £500 a month.

I also got in touch with Adult Services, they arranged a deferred payment scheme so the nursing home would be paid once deputyship came through.
This wasn’t straightforward and I ended up with final demands for 10’s of thousands of pounds.
Fortunately I had an email trail so I could prove they had made an error.

I also succeeded in getting her the full attendance allowance which was paid into her bank account.

I eventually got her house sold, although until deputyship arrived legally I shouldn’t have even been inside.

It was a very difficult time for me, I had panic attacks, felt enormously let down by her as always and had a devil of a job sorting her finances, the stress took its toll.

I would urge anyone reading this to get a POA in place, I wouldn’t put anyone though the pain.

It can be done online for around £100.

I stress never stole a thing from her!

A big shout out to HSBC they were beyond professional and even sent me a bouquet of flowers after my first meeting.

M0nica Tue 28-Oct-25 17:27:51

Contact Age UK or Citizen's Advice. They will be able to help you.

Witzend Tue 28-Oct-25 17:57:18

Old people who refuse to grant P of A are IMO very selfish - lack of one can cause so many problems, hassle and extra expense.

My DM had actually put an old style P of A in place well before she developed dementia, but by the time she did have it, and we needed to activate it*, she’d become very suspicious and thought we were trying to steal her money.

*among other things, a cheque for £4k had gone missing, and we never did find out how. We learned from the issuing org. that it had been cashed, by whom we never could find out.

Luckily my brother (aka her Golden Not - not that I mean that in a derogatory way, he did more than his share) was able to get tough with her - ‘Sign here or else!’
Managing her affairs otherwise would have been far more of a PITA.

Witzend Tue 28-Oct-25 17:57:46

Golden Boy!!

Susan56 Tue 28-Oct-25 18:23:53

I have POA for my mum and it’s difficult enough with one.

If you are not well enough please don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it.

I have a diary devoted to the POA and write everything I do for mum in it and attach all receipts on the relevant page.I was advised to do this by my solicitor.

FranP Wed 29-Oct-25 14:25:07

If you have a will, the writers will now encourage you t take out a POA

Luckygirl3 Wed 29-Oct-25 14:37:32

Ring the Court of Protection - they are very helpful and will advise.

Luckygirl3 Wed 29-Oct-25 14:38:28

01673 885 248

Barmeyoldbat Wed 29-Oct-25 15:03:48

I needed POA for my daughter’s finances and applied for it on the grounds that she was not mentally able to handle her finances due to her learning disability. I got a letter from the `Dr, Social Worker etc and got it. HOWEVER I subsequently found out that only the Court of Protection could say if a person had the mental capacity or not and my POA was revoked and had to apply to the COP, by filling out a huge form and producing evidence. The case was then put before a judge and a decision made. It took over a year. This is the only way. I got POA and dispitd my ill health I took it on. It was quite easy with online banking and didn’t take up much of my time once I had set up direct debits for her residential fees etc.

Etoile2701 Wed 29-Oct-25 16:29:03

I am in the process of trying to set up a POA for myself and my DH now. Not easy and very expensive. Is it really essential?

Wheniwasyourage Wed 29-Oct-25 16:47:50

Yes, Etoile, it is essential, not necessarily for you, as if you should sadly become mentally incapable of running your own affairs, you might not realise what a state things can get into. However, for your family, it makes a huge difference by making it a lot easier (and cheaper) to stand in for you and make decisions which you can no longer make.

My mother couldn't deal with her financial affairs for some time before she died, and chose to invoke the financial component of her POA so that my brother and I could do that for her, and then the welfare component was needed when she could no longer decide anything for herself.

Please do it for your family!

silverlining48 Wed 29-Oct-25 17:26:41

We completed the PoA forms online last week. It was relatively straightforward, we sent it off and have already had an acknowledgment of receipt. It cost £164 per person for both health and wealth.

icanhandthemback Thu 30-Oct-25 00:46:25

Georgesgran

My friend’s Aunt argued against going into a Care Home and appointed her Solicitor to act for her (her children declined)in Court. She really didn’t have capacity to consent, so the Solicitor administered her finances etc. and charged a hefty amount for so doing. One thing that arose was that Aunty wanted to pay for an operation for her son, but the Solicitor denied that, saying her money was solely for her care and wellbeing,

The solicitor was quite right. Any POA must abide by the rule that the money must only be used for the care of there doner.

Romola Thu 30-Oct-25 08:49:06

Getting PoAs online is straightforward and simple, if somewhat tedious.
Solicitors charge a stupid amount, having had the work done by clerical workers. Unless you are time-poor, do it yourself .

Connie16 Thu 30-Oct-25 10:27:31

Can anyone advise how you deal with this process if you don't have any family? I'm single and don't have any surviving relatives, apart from a niece who lives abroad and who I haven't seen/heard of for years.
I need to make a Will (I plan to leave my house and all my assets to my favourite charity) and now this post has also got me thinking about PoA and what I should do.
From what posters have said, it sounds like I could deal with the online completion of the forms myself (I don't have the funds for expensive solicitors).
But what do you do if you don't have anyone (a) to appoint as Executor of your Will and (b) to nominate as a Deputy in a PoA? Is there some independent body who will step in and serve in these roles?