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Care & carers

Help no POA do not know what to do next

(44 Posts)
sadmum7 Tue 28-Oct-25 15:11:05

Brief resume.

Mother is 98, had dementia for many years she is in complete denial of this and would not agree to POA.

She had 4 carers a day until recently, following 3 falls in 4 days she was admitted to hospital, they undertook a capacity assessment in which it was found she lacked capacity.

Was transferred to a nursing home end of September.

I do not hold POA, so who deals with her bank account/ bills/expenses? Bank have sent me details of Court of Protection and l really do not want to take on this responsibility due to my own ill health, is there an alternative if so what?

Many thanks

Sago Thu 30-Oct-25 10:52:31

You can use a solicitor to act in your best interests.

silverlining48 Thu 30-Oct-25 11:37:50

Suggest you contact Age uk for advice about attorneys, there must be a cheaper option than an expensive solicitor . Citizens advice or the charity you are leaving your estate to might be able to advise.
There will be many people in a similar situation.

Madmeg Fri 31-Oct-25 17:25:25

I understood that if you do not have mental capacity you cannot make a POA. Does this not still apply?

Re solicitors fees, I worked with many solicitors when I was a self-employed accountant and in all cases their attitude was to charge modest fees for "lifetime" work such as wills, conveyancing etc so that clients would respect them, and then make their money when the client died or required an Attorney as they were in no position to challenge the fees at that stage of their lives.

LesLee7 Fri 31-Oct-25 18:08:09

At last someone in the same position as me. Had a will for years (my late sister was a solicitor and yes I updated it and found a new one when she died) I used to stress over this. The Solicitor is my executor. I have a funeral plan in place but worry about the POA which my sister and then me (via the Courts) did for my Mum. I presumed I could pay the Solicitor to do it but they seem reluctant. I do not wish to put this burden on any of my good friends most who are the same age as me (71) as I feel it's unfair. I've come to the conclusion if unfortunately I get to this state someone will have to sort me out. I'm (hopefully) going to do a Directions of wishes and a Living Will but know these don't have legal bearing. It can't only be Connie16 and me in this position so would be really grateful for any suggestions and if you get any Connie. All my money - if it hasn't gone on care - will go to Charites apart from a few bequests to friends.

LesLee7 Fri 31-Oct-25 18:10:17

Connie16

Can anyone advise how you deal with this process if you don't have any family? I'm single and don't have any surviving relatives, apart from a niece who lives abroad and who I haven't seen/heard of for years.
I need to make a Will (I plan to leave my house and all my assets to my favourite charity) and now this post has also got me thinking about PoA and what I should do.
From what posters have said, it sounds like I could deal with the online completion of the forms myself (I don't have the funds for expensive solicitors).
But what do you do if you don't have anyone (a) to appoint as Executor of your Will and (b) to nominate as a Deputy in a PoA? Is there some independent body who will step in and serve in these roles?

Sorry I meant to add my comment to this - still getting used to how to do it. It has come out as a separate comment on next page Connie16

Witzend Fri 31-Oct-25 18:15:24

Etoile2701

I am in the process of trying to set up a POA for myself and my DH now. Not easy and very expensive. Is it really essential?

We did ours ourselves. It’s fairly straightforward but you do need to read the instructions very carefully! Particularly IIRC as regards witnesses and dating their signatures. Any mistake, and it’s rejected and you have to start - and pay! - again.

mabon2 Fri 31-Oct-25 18:43:32

Court of protection.

silverlining48 Fri 31-Oct-25 19:13:33

We did it ourselves last week and have already received acknowledgment. It is a straightforward form, solicitor not necessary as it’s reasonably straightforward form filling. Cost is £82 for each form, but will increase this month,

JPB123 Fri 31-Oct-25 20:28:15

I did my own.If you follow the instructions,it’s not difficult to fill in.It’s much cheaper too!

GoodAfternoonTea Sat 01-Nov-25 06:19:57

Could you contact a good local solicitor and get an appointment to discuss some kind of curatorship, if that exists where you live? They would use the house as collateral and the funds to pay for the care home and their fees etc.

Redhouse Sat 01-Nov-25 10:01:42

Yes its a tricky stage. I am looking after my mum and dad at their home I have help from my husband and do not have POA. It was drafted by the solicitor years ago but not registered as dad did not want to pay the extra cost. At some stage another family member named on the drafted paperwork tried to take over but as it was not registered this was not able to happen. So it is not always an advantage. Dad went back to the solicitor who said that there was no need to register. I tried to do the online paperwork but I couldnt complete it. I wish I could advise. I looked at court of protection and saw the word solicitor which is going to come at a cost. I now cannot work much just agency and its put me off proceeding with it as well. Solicitors are not an affordable option for me. Perhaps the care home know the way forward. It may depend on your dads savings or if he owns his own home or not.

Jennerdysphoria Sat 01-Nov-25 10:29:57

This might be helpful

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/looking-after-people/managing-affairs-for-someone-else/#h-who-can-make-decisions-when-someone-loses-mental-capacity-and-there-s-no-power-of-attorney

Lallylou Sat 01-Nov-25 19:57:09

Thinking of you. It's a very difficult situation which can happen to so many of us. Remember to take care of yourself. Lallylou x

sadmum7 Sun 16-Nov-25 21:52:21

Just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to comment / make suggestions.

It is such a minefield.

Thank you

Wyllow3 Sun 16-Nov-25 22:10:11

Makes e realise I must re do a POA for myself for my son and DiL.

I had one directed to my DH before I realised how abusive he was to me and eventually got a divorce, a new will,

but not a POA. I'll ring Age UK to get help to do it myself, it's a simple naming son and DiL, no one else involved.

I dont want them to have to go through it all.

butterandjam Sun 16-Nov-25 22:58:13

Etoile2701

I am in the process of trying to set up a POA for myself and my DH now. Not easy and very expensive. Is it really essential?

IMO, yes. Financial and welfare POA are as essential as Wills.
We have both.

My active middle aged uncle fell over in the street and hit his head on the edge of a granite kerb. He instantly and permanently lost all mental and physical capacity and spent the last months of his life as a non verbal vegetable in a hospital bed. His wife did not have POA , no access to all his accounts and assets from which (as a very efficient CA) he had always managed all their household finances and investments. No say in his medical care. On top of all the acute sadness and worry for him, she was struggling with unpaid bills for their very large house.

His hospital care was awful but the ample money that could easily have afforded private care, was all in his name and out of her reach.

seventhfloorregular Wed 21-Jan-26 22:10:01

Romola

Getting PoAs online is straightforward and simple, if somewhat tedious.
Solicitors charge a stupid amount, having had the work done by clerical workers. Unless you are time-poor, do it yourself .

Agreed that you do not need a solicitor - just need to be very careful to do the signing in the right order but it is all explained with the online forms.

crazyH Wed 21-Jan-26 22:19:59

Agree with Romola
I did it and then forgot to Register it with the OPG.
Tomorrow, I will go to Tesco, have it printed, signed and sent off.
It is not expensive if you do it yourself - £92 each