Mum 86 still driving

I know two people with severe dementia and in both cases they got fixated on still driving — sneaking out for a drive because the car was still at their house. In both cases the only solution was to get rid of the car altogether.

Handling a car is a different skill from proper behaviour out on the road in traffic.

I gave up my car because my neck was too stiff to turn my head to get a wide view at road junctions..

Cognitive impairment may be bad enough to justify the "cruelty" of forcing your mother to give up driving.

Has your mother any insight into her own capability or lack of same?

I have found Stopping my DH from driving very difficult. He has Alzheimers
Disease and I informed DVLA. I also told them I had concerns about his proficiency behind the wheel. He was then advised to have a driving assessment , I rang the assessment centre prior to the date and told them I was unhappy about him driving . It all fell on deaf ears and he passed ! We are leaving in 30 minutes to attend a second assessment. I have again rung and let them know how I feel. They listened and said " we recognise that what we see is only a snapshot in time. He has had a lifetime of safe driving. He is 86! has difficulty parking , needs me beside him to tell him the way on very familiar routes, often does not know which way to turn out of the drive ! Has almost shot through a red light on more than one occasion! I have done my utmost including speaking to our GP who suggested the first driving assessment. If he passes today I will be onto DVLA again!! It is very tense this morning.
I drive but would rather not , but the thought of him causing injury or death fills me with horror . If he is not successful I am not sure of his reaction he will also have difficulty remembering he us no longer allowed to drive ! Wish me luck- I will return with the verdict we are leaving in 20 minutes. I am driving him there.

Shelflife💐hope things go your way today.

You have to interfere. If she had an accident, you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself. We have a local neighbour in her late eighties and she is still driving. The only comment I can make is, she is lethal, can't reverse, stops in the middle of the road, etc. Her doctor said because she passed her sight test, she can drive. !!! He should go for a drive with her, he'd soon change his mind.

Faxgran

I know two people with severe dementia and in both cases they got fixated on still driving — sneaking out for a drive because the car was still at their house. In both cases the only solution was to get rid of the car altogether.

That's what I suspect my next door neighbour with dementia was doing - ie sneaking out and driving. Eventually daylight dawned - on either her or her son - that I was likely to "tell on her" to her son and would certainly have responded truthfully to any query he'd made to me as to whether I noticed her driving still. Hence I suspect the car was taken by him for ostensible "repairs" and I think it's in his keeping now. I think everyone knows she's a stubborn little.....and a combination of her stubbornness and her dementia would not prove a good mix.

Shelflife - hope things worked out for you. Let us know how it went.

Fingers crossed he's not been passed again.

I know how stubborn my father was - and, in his case, it was ultimately my mother being stubborn and her flippin' refusal to take taxis that was the problem. I understood why she wanted to pressure him to keep driving regardless - as they lived 1.5 miles out from the town centre and the only things right nearby were a garden centre (with cafe) and she would use that and a church of the wrong denomination for her. But I absolutely refused to get in the car with my father again after an incident where he drove straight across a pretty busy road and looked likely to crash into my old workplace. I knew that was "very bad news" - as he'd always been a good driver previously.

You're going to have to refuse to go in the car with him if he does get "passed". Maybe, if that happens, you could speak with the police as to whether they would stop him driving?

CAROLINEANNE1

You have to interfere. If she had an accident, you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself. We have a local neighbour in her late eighties and she is still driving. The only comment I can make is, she is lethal, can't reverse, stops in the middle of the road, etc. Her doctor said because she passed her sight test, she can drive. !!! He should go for a drive with her, he'd soon change his mind.

Could you take a mini-video of her driving - and pass it onto her doctor to view? That would be the equivalent of getting him to go for a drive with her.

I know that - years back now - I've "interfered" by contacting someone's doctor. In that case - it was to stop her being put in a mental hospital by force that she did not want to go in. Things have changed since then - as her doctor did listen to me and take action accordingly then - and I don't know whether a doctor would "heed the warnings" of a neighbour nowadays....but it could be worth a try?

You have to take action - too many people think driving is a right without considering the rights of others. I’ve seen people who have quite clearly no leg strength to stand up unsupported get into vehicles - no consideration as to how they will do an emergency stop when the need arises and too many very aged drivers driving at about 22 mph in 40/50 mph roads thinking driving just locally and slowly is a solution. Quite often these drivers have enough money to use taxis. I say this as I have at least 2 neighbours like this and had a father in law the same until we intervened.
There are so many volunteer organisations now providing lifts and social outings for older people - we just have to encourage people to understand losing a car is not losing your independence - it’s just losing a bit of convenience to increase your safety and the safety of others.

My fil did this, carried on driving until one day he went the wrong way on a dual carriageway and he and mil were lucky no one was killed and neither of them, his car was written off and he still insisted he was in the right. However, my husband said he had been refused any more insurance, as he used to sort it out for them. He never stopped moaning of the conspiracy against older drivers by insurance companies. But he was off the road, he would never take a taxi and when his wife died we had to drive hundreds of miles to get food etc in every few weeks as he was so stubborn, he outlived my husband by years,,

We visited a local stately home yesterday, and cringed as the elderly driver of the car that followed us in scraped it slowly along a big stone litter bin twice as she tried to park, despite having loads of space and a member of staff guiding her in. As we passed him he said that from what he saw on a daily basis, a significant proportion of the older drivers visiting shouldn’t be in charge of a car.

It’s irrelevant whataboutery that younger drivers cause more accidents. I do actually think that the lower age limit should be raised, but that doesn’t mean that drivers with sight and mobility issues should be allowed to keep driving, just because they’ve been good drivers in the past. A car is a lethal weapon in the wrong hands.

We went to a garden centre yesterday and saw a car dash in to the exit of the one way car park. Not one of us seniors though - a young couple in their twenties!

Maggiemaybe

We visited a local stately home yesterday, and cringed as the elderly driver of the car that followed us in scraped it slowly along a big stone litter bin twice as she tried to park, despite having loads of space and a member of staff guiding her in. As we passed him he said that from what he saw on a daily basis, a significant proportion of the older drivers visiting shouldn’t be in charge of a car.

It’s irrelevant whataboutery that younger drivers cause more accidents. I do actually think that the lower age limit should be raised, but that doesn’t mean that drivers with sight and mobility issues should be allowed to keep driving, just because they’ve been good drivers in the past. A car is a lethal weapon in the wrong hands.

I will say it again and keep saying it. Age is not the significant problem. It is eye sight and cognition. Were these to be tested from 70 onwards the relatively low accident rate for older drivers would plummit.

Mobility is not necessarly relevant .If it was we would not have the Motability Scheme for disabled people of all ages.

Of course it is relevant that young drivers have a much worse accident rate than older people, but younger people means under 25. Would you stop anyone under 25 driving?

I certainly think there’s a case for looking at raising the age at which people can drive, yes. Not to 25 though.

17 to 24 is the age range usually used for “young drivers” when working out statistics, so people in their early 20s could be seen as more liable to have accidents than they actually are. They’re lumped in as a group with 17 to 19 year olds, who make up 1.5% of driving licence holders, but are involved in 9% of all fatal and serious crashes in the UK, according to research from the road safety charity BRAKE.

I said in my post that older drivers with sight and mobility issues shouldn’t be allowed to keep driving, just because they’ve been good drivers in the past. Of course mobility is relevant - drivers need to be able to react quickly in unexpected situations.

I think you know I’m not referring to drivers with adapted cars under the Motability scheme.

Update, he passed! Obviously drove ok but it is a different story even he drives me! Prior to the assessment the two assessors were talking to him, my DH made the same conversational mistake 3 times . I could tell by the way they looked at me that those mistakes were noticed . My husband puts on a very good show when necessary, this is a common occurrence in people who have Alzheimers Disease. What the assessors see is only a snapshot in time and does not paint a true picture . I have no doubt they are efficient at assessing proficiency behind the wheel but have no real understanding of the complexities of dementia. My husband is muddled much of the time , is becoming reluctant to socialise and has become very needy- doesn't want me to go out without him - but I do while I still can , he has also given two substantial cash gifts to someone ( I have sorted that)
I had contacted DVLA, spoken on the phone to the driving assessment centre twice ( one call before each assessment) also spoken to our GP. All to no avail, I also have POA up and running- it beggers belief. He will have a third assessment in May so that's another 6 months of stress for me - I can do without that!!!! Know I shouldn't be ageist but he is heafing for 87!!
I feel better now for posting , thankyou for reading.

I am so sorry Shelflife, dementia is a constant, exhausting battle. Have you told his insurance company about his dementia diagnosis.

Oh dear Shelflife - could you speak to the police locally about this? Maybe they can do the trick. I know that I was told of a woman here locally that I vaguely knew. She was pretty old and distinctly housebound before I came on the scene. But apparently she'd kept driving for a while after she really wasnt capable of it any longer - and I could understand her wanting to (as maybe she'd become housebound already by that point). But she drove and crashed one time and the police advised her to stop driving at that point - and she did stop. I don't know what the details of the accident was and whether the police had any powers to enforce what they were saying to her.

So I do think it's a good idea to at least speak to them about this and see what they have to say.

A GP won't tell anyone not to drive for insurance purposes. Likewise an optician.

However, when you apply for insurance you should declare any conditions that could impede your driving.

I have a lot of sympathy for OP- this is a terrible dilemma.

I have relatives much younger than this who are not safe drivers and I will do anything not to accept a lift from them without wanting to cause offence.

The truth is no one plans an accident- we all think we are good drivers until we aren't, and we can all make mistakes that can endanger the lives of others when we are behind the wheel.

I suspect that those who feel it is time to stop are probably the relatively safe drivers, and those who think the fault is always due to other drivers and not them, may well be the most unsafe- regardless of age.

Personally, I would just let the driver decide for herself when she can't drive any more, although I would refuse to get in car with her and offer lifts to avoid her having to use her own car.

Thankyou both for your advise . I hadn't considered telling the police, will certainly give that some thought. He is reluctant to tell the Insurance company, I have spoken to our son and he is going to sort it.

Shelflife

Thankyou both for your advise . I hadn't considered telling the police, will certainly give that some thought. He is reluctant to tell the Insurance company, I have spoken to our son and he is going to sort it.

It is a legal requirement to tell a car insurer if you have a dementia diagnosis. They won't necessarily not insure you but if you haven't told them you are not covered. He has to tell them.
The law on driving and dementia | Alzheimer's Society share.google/pqndCPIZw49knkJNj

I’m sorry to hear that your DH passed, Shelflife. It’s not often that a pass doesn’t call for celebrations. This must all be very stressful for you. Thank goodness you have your son in your corner.

Thankyou Maggie

My Mum is same age and we and neighbours were concerned she shouldn’t be driving. She refused saying GP and optician say she is fine. End result was she didn’t have strength to put hand brake on properly and car rolled out of drive, across road and into neighbours opposite wall and their drive and car. Fortunately no injuries but please do all you can to stop her. Report her to DVLA in first instance.

Shelflife, you can report to the DVLA anonymously on line.

We did report my sister in law but, on the same day, a policeman followed her home and demanded her car keys.