Should we be resentful about becoming a carer?

Around here agencies now charge £45 an hour for care work. An elderly man is just moving into a care home and will be paying £1600 a week to be looked after.

My heart goes out to Madmeg. 😥. My husband has been in hospital 2 weeks now following a second stroke and they are talking about him coming home early next week. It is what he wants but I have told the staff I don’t feel ready as his balance is off, he has a catheter and he can only walk a few steps with a quadstick in the house. If we go out it’s me pushing him around in a wheelchair which is absolutely exhausting.

Reading this as someone who spends his days talking with families about caring for ageing parents, because that is what my company does, I want to echo what several of you have said: resentment of the situation is not resentment of the person, and confusing the two is where so much of the guilt comes from.

One thing we hear again and again is that carers who admit they are struggling are usually the ones who then go and find help, whether that is a break, a conversation, or just permission to say this is hard. The ones who suffer most are the ones who never say it out loud.

You are allowed to find this hard and to love the person at the same time. Both things are true.

- Alex

Absolutely agree AlexQi it is the situation which causes resentment.
Also not everyone is cut out to be a carer no matter how much they love the person who is dependent on them. There should be no criticism of this we all have strengths and weaknesses,women especially are expected to take over caring duties regardless of their own situation, health family needs etc.
Professional care should be much more highly valued and carers trained and supervised more than happens currently. Don't see this happening any time soon though.
My respect to all those people who care for their relatives so unstintingly.

I cared for my mum for 12 years and yes,itwas hard work.I had a 5 year old so and the teenage daughter from hell when it started on top of running two businesses and our home.
My husband was a gem never complained about me dropping arrangements to go to mum because ots some( often imagined) emergency.
I also cooked for her everyday because she wouldn,t eat otherwise.
I was irritated when my godmother phoned to rant at me because mum said she never saw me…
What she meant was I didn,t spend my evenings chatting to her like she did with her mum who lived with us.Would I do it all again? Of course ,she was my mum she was difficult to live with all my life but I was there for right until her last breath
and I don’t regret a day.