Lil's Bar

jeni you've taken the word right out of my mouth. I'm just about to look it up. not too rude, I hope. I'm trying to bring a little class to Lil's.

Wot me rude? no way! I'm a posh medic I am

Yes, jeni the perfect word. Pour yourself a drink and retire to the snug [where ladies are made to feel welcome and comfortable.]

The noise from the games room is ear-splitting. No wonder the lads have been thrown out of their cosy homes and told to go do something useful. gramps and Pete are setting up the skittles. They really do not seem to grasp the fact that it's just a game. Far too energetic for their age

Dear MaggieP.
Mrs. G would like more details on the abilityof your sister to aquire of gramp a betterer vocab- erh- manner of spokennes!
'E woz brung up in sahf lunnun 'E were born at a very esrly age 'n says 'e were two year old by the time 'es furst burfday assived, but 'e do tell some porkies when 'es larkin' abaht like!
--

OI Mrs G. wot yer tellin that posh lot of Nellies abaht me then?

They my mates 'n look aht fer me real good like! God bless 'em!

You could always try joining your local AmDram Society, gramps. Your services as a Cheeky Cockney Character would no doubt be invaluable. You might even get Dick Van Dyke's role in Mary Poppins!

Sorry I'm late - been down the market looking for some Zebo to do the grate with. It's alright for you lot, having a fine old time in the bar, all beer and skittles, eh? I've been working my fingers to the bone - and I'm only the assistant to the assistant dishwasher. Been left with the lot, I have! Anyway, couldn't get Zebo, so I've rubbed up the grate with one of the old dishcloths that were steeping in the nappy bucket. Or was it the pigswill bucket? Anyway, it's got quite a gleam on it now.....the grate, not the pigswill bucket...

I agree with Lil the art of good management is delegation and you lot have done her proud. * pete* you pay for your pleasures out of your own pocket.
Flipflop and Isiah have asked Lil to announce their engagement,we know it is quick but theirs is a true love story and a whirlwind romance..flipflop is trying to cure his habit and keep him on the straight and narrow,she is now looking at beautiful bride magazines,she favours the trailer trash look...join us in raising anything you have in your hand in celebration,she is thinking of having Honky tonk playing the bridal march she has chosen like a virgin as it is a particular favourite of Isiah.

Dear Mrs G
Try "The rain in Spain" and watch the old film My Fair Lady, which I am sure Mr G calls you quite often!
My sister will work out a schedule for you both and will be emailing it soon when she has finished treating her hospital patients!
Meanwhile, no one has owned up to damaging the flowers and hanging baskets, and now they are eating my herbs and falling about everywhere. I need to see what Littlenellie has to say.
I'm going to join Jeni in the snug for a nice quiet drink, Cheers!

Oh dear, I see that Jeni was in the snug at lunchtime , I hope she is still there, maybe soop will be anyway....

No! I went home to try to post the photo of sunset from my house! I'm not sure if I succeeded as the server went down.
I'm going to bed soon as I'm being invaded tomorrow

Darn it - I wrote a lot, then lost the plot
Such a lot of tommy rot,
It got writ, but you not got!
I'll have to have another shot!

green you do a fine job but I heard a whisper that soop wanted to rename your domain 'The Soop Kitchen'...not really fair after all your hard work.. and if nell thinks I'm paying to polish the brass...... well they will have to become dirty and dusty....

That was probably the idea, Pete!
Clean and shiny brasses have no place in Lil's Bar...

In I stroll...no need to glance around the bar, because those who there when I left yesterday evening, haven't budged from their stools. I cannot bring myself to comment on the mayhem. It's all a bit beyond my comprehension. There's a big bunch of bargain-of-the-week cut-price flowers on the bar. Tasteful, clashing colours, I see. Why aren't they in a beautiful vase? Mmm...seem to recall that was lifted by a codger wearing a long mac, on opening night. Will have been flogged for a song on Ebay by now. The message reads - 'too the lurve of me life, from the love of yoors.' Isiah certainly knows how to treat a girl. Fliplop appears to be in a trance. She's imagining herself dolled up in a vast meringue of suger-pink tulle, with pretend rhinestones dotted hither and thither to create plenty of sparkle. She has such good taste, that one! Isiah is toying with the idea of wearing an Elvis- style outfit.

ana ..your right, think I'll take one home....polish it now and then as a reminder... soop vases on the bar?? wont last long...believe the last one only made £1-46 on ebay, think it was bought as a wedding gift

Pete...did it fetch as much as £1.46. I'd have given going on for £1.50. After all, it had a dubious charm. Tiger-patterned with intertwining wreaths of bindweed.

Don't worry about me - I'll just keep scrubbing away in this 'ere kitchen - can't remember the last time anyone bought me flowers...... Anyway, sugar-pink tulle my backside.....and talking of backsides - who's going to clean out that toilet! !

Well, Pete's always in there on the phone to Huey,and gramps nearly always sometimes makes it in time, so I think they should be given the job!

I'll stand outside then (don't like to intrude...), and I'll go in after with my mop and bucket. Looks like I've got the job of lavvy cleaner as well as everything else....[grumble emoticon]. And another thing, who keeps writing all those rude things on the lavvy walls? You're needing to learn to spell, whoever you are....

I think it's all part of Lil's 'freedom of expression' ethos, which she cultivated whilst working in Brixton prison many moons ago - she says it saves having to paint the walls!

Don't you just love the attitude of the staff in Lil's bar? How much is she paying us? Bet it's nowhere near the minimum wage. If she has her way, she'll pay us "in kind"...imagine it...free bar snacks and help ourselves to the booze. . I've noticed that the place is heaving with people but no money ever changes hands. I'll have a word with matron Nellie when she gets back from having a nice quiet shandy and ham roll at the pub across the road.

My shift's over. Told to leave well mess alone. Suits me. I've been sitting in a comfy leather chair in the snug for most of the afternoon. Dumped my cleaning stuff in the bin by the door. Anyone on duty tonight - beware when gramps and Pete leave. Best ask them to turn out their pockets. Can't be too careful with those two retrobates. Green night night my lovely. Keep up the bad work. It takes great skill to make such a hash of the food that leaves that kitchen.

Hey, Pete. Did you overhear what that sex bomb, soopy soo ,said about us?
Does she know about the big hole in my pocket? Does she know what Confucius said about holes and pockets?

Incidently old friend, some kind customer paid for me to go for private speech lessons. It is accomplished using hypnotism, but no idea how long the 'fluence lasts. Could be days or ours-- is a pint please!--Manners too, innit?