Is there a 'right age' to get married?

I had just turned 17 when I met DH, 19 when we married 2.5 years later. I have sometimes regretted being married but I have never, ever regretted choosing him.

I was 18, DH was 21 when we got married, 47 years ago. We are such good friends, as well as lovers, so I think it worked out OK! Tough at the start, though, with so little money, and a baby!

I wonder why he feels it necessary to 'acknowledge' such a thing? Is he 'acknowledging' it to himself or to someone else? And why? [Puzzled]

In answer to the title question, my answer is no, at least not in terms of biological age once you're past the age of consent.

When you meet 'the one'. In our case, 21 and 25.

B Your first post makes a very pertinent point.

Ariadne - ...and still having adventures.

People are so different in the rate at which they mature and in their financial situation (and when they meet the right person) I don't think you can say there's an ideal age. When they both feel it's the right time, maybe?

We married at 23 and are 2 years off our Golden Wedding. We'd been at school together. Ditto one of my DS (though they were a bit older when they married). The other DS and his wife didn't meet until they were older.

When it's right for both of them, not because of any social pressure and not with a mental reservation.

Does anyone remember that feeling if intense irritation from 40 / 50 years ago on being asked by older people 'Are you courting yet?'

No, it all depends on when you meet the right partner. In my brother's case, he's 57! He's getting married this weekend to a lovely woman, who is already a big part of our family. He just never met the right person until 4 years ago. We're having the ceremony in a country house hotel library, overlooking Lake Windermere, then if weather permits we're all going for a ride around the lake before the reception.

Sounds lovely when.

I think you only know if it was the right or wrong age to get married – not to mention right or wrong person – after the event.

I think that can often be true, absent, and even if it turns out to be wrong at some future date, that doesn't mean it wasn't right at the time. That's me saying that I don't think it matters if marriage isn't lifelong. Growing apart, if it happens, is something just to accept, with no hard feelings. It happens. I speak from experience.

I got married at 18 and I was definitely too young. I knew it was a mistake but I didn't have the moral courage to back out. My mother and sister told me after the divorce, twenty years later, that they never liked him and couldn't understand what I saw in him. If only they had told me at the time!

Butter

I didn't get married until I was 29. I had a good time in my 20s though and maybe that gave me an idea of what I wanted. The fact that it went sour after 16 years doesn't mean that it was wrong at the time. If I hadn't married him, I wouldn't have had my present tribe whom I love and value dearly.

Just occured to me that both my DDs would say that there is no age when it is a good idea to get married, independent women that they are. If I was 19 in today's world I would not dream of getting married but in 1966, unless you were a pop star, you had to be married in order to live together.

Yes, granny23, DD1, currently expecting child number two, has no plans to get married. She simply doesn't see the need. She and her partner are committed without marriage. No idea about the other two DDs. DD3 may not even have thought about it yet. I rather hope not as she's not quite twelve!

I married too young at 23 the first time around. He was a perfectly nice person but we grew apart during the 7 years we were married and we didn't have children to cement us together making a break easier than if we had had them. The problem is that many people change a lot from early twenties to thirties. I've been with my second husband 28 years and we both feel soul mates I think that was what was lacking the first time around. Maybe as you get older you become more aware of what you don't want in a relationship rather than what you think you do want.

I have a son in a long term relationship with a child, and they are both sure they don't want to get married. Perhaps we have to rethink these arrangements now that so many young people don't regard marriage as relevant?

My DS2 and his partner have been together for almost 19 years. They have two lovely sons and are as happy as any married couple.

I'm with Bags when she says that marriage doesn't necessarily have to be for a lifetime. For a variety of reasons, a couple who thought it right to marry and expected the marriage to be forever, may discover otherwise. Change and growing apart, is part of the human condition. I speak from experience when I say that, it is perfectly possible to remain very good friends with an ex husband. I've three marvellous sons from two previous marriages. I accept that some might consider that to be unsatisfactory. Mr soop and I [married for the past 24 years] have no children together, yet he loves our extended family more than words can say. He's also on friendly terms with my previous husbands.

when enjoy your brother's wedding day. I hope that the sun shines.

I'm still very fond of my ex husband; it shocked everyone when we split up as all our friends felt we were meant to be together even though, at that time, we were both going out with other people [and living at opposite ends of the country]. We were, I believe, meant to be together and became complete soul mates. How and when it all began to go wrong, I'm not sure [birth of first child I think] but when he left for someone else he pointed out that 'he would never have married her and wouldn't have wanted to have children with her but she was what he wanted 'now', and perhaps that sums up relationships these days. It didn't seem to make sense at the time but it does now. People do seem to get married these days later on in relationships at a point where they should, perhaps, be separating. The time to marry, imo is when your'e still in love with that person and the day of your mariage is the happiest day of your life. If that's how you feel on that day it's the 'right' time, I guess.

There are some legal advantages to being married, such as being the next of kin if one partner is in hospital, and making sure each partner is fairly treated if the relationship ends.

I have been with DH since I was 17 and we married when I was 21, we only waited until then because I refused to ask my parent's permission to marry. I married as soon as I qualified and ensured I had a permanent position. When I met him I knew he was the one I would stay with for the rest of my life, we will have been married 45 years next month.