Is there a 'right age' to get married?

At 20, I met my future husband in the November, got engaged 6months later in May and married the following March, when I was 21. We have now been married over 42years, with 2 married daughters & 4 grandchildren, the first of whom was born when I was 46. No, I don't believe I was too young, but times were quite different in 1970. Fewer people went on to University, we could walk into any good job and earn enough to afford a reasonable start in married life. Our expectations were for simple, useful wedding presents - NO 'White Goods', TVs, or £1000+ wedding dresses either. If we wanted furniture etc we saved for it and enjoyed buying it without being in debt over it. Everyone is different and no-one can foresee the future.

No, Granjura, you are quite wrong in this instance. I knew I was not in love with him but I couldn't face letting him down because he was a nice man and he was very much in love with me. I didn't have a rebellious streak as a teenager - I didn't smoke, drink, or have sex with my boyfriends. It took me 20 years to stand up for myself.

I really have doubts about that, really One of our daughters knew she was making a big mistake, and we told her she should call it off, and that we would take the flack with her, irrespective of cost, etc. But she went ahead anyway.

Knowing your rebellious streak Greatnan, you might well have gone ahead anyway???

Agreed though - age is irrelevant- if it is right, it's right. I got married aged barely 20 to a man I only knew for a few months, and abroad, away from family and friends. Could have been a disaster- 41 years later we laugh at our naivety

Yes, I think I would -I just needed a reason to call if off!

Would you have listened to them though Greatnan?

My recently married grandson is 27 and his lovely wife is a bit younger, but they have lived together for about six years and have two little girls.
My oldest grand-daughter is 25 and she has also lived with her fiance for about four years and they too have two little girls.
Two others of my five grand-daughters are 21 and 20, both engaged to boys they met at school in their mid-teens.
I am very happy about all these relationships and really believe they will last the course.
My daughter was 34 when she finally got married - her husband was 26 and became step-father to her four children. They are blissfully happy - he was obviously very mature.
I have known people who married somebody they met at junior school and stayed married for more than 50 years. I have known other people who delayed marriage until their late thirties and still made terrible mistakes.
So,no, age does not matter, just meeting the right person and knowing that not marrying them is unthinkable.

When absentdaughter wanted to marry at the age of 17 to a man a few years older than her who lived the other side of the world and whom she hadn't known very long, I was concerned. I told her my thoughts and concerns – that the 20s are a time in most people's lives when they sort out what they really want about themselves and other people and change a great deal from the people they were in their teens. She still wanted to go ahead, so I signed the paper and happily did supportive to the best of my ability. The marriage didn't work out – I don't think I have ever said, "I told you so" – and they remain in contact because they have lovely son in common.

At the time, my every instinct was "Of course she is far too bloody young to get married" but I have never forgotten my uncle Joe who married my aunty Doris when she was only 16 and he was probably not much older, saying that if he had his time all over again, he would do the same thing and marry her.

Can't help wondering why people feel the need to make such comments, but I'm often baffled by other people so hey ho! He's an adult. What more do they want?

Perhaps he is politely acknowledging their concern, rather than his own. I hope so and, since you say be and his partner are committed, I expect so too .

Only just caught up with this thread.
Bags the 'acknowledgement' is to the very many people who mention his age and how young he is to be getting married. In an age when more people are either choosing not to marry, or to marry much later in life he thinks that he's in a minority.

harri

I have been with DH since I was 17 and we married when I was 21, we only waited until then because I refused to ask my parent's permission to marry. I married as soon as I qualified and ensured I had a permanent position. When I met him I knew he was the one I would stay with for the rest of my life, we will have been married 45 years next month.

There are some legal advantages to being married, such as being the next of kin if one partner is in hospital, and making sure each partner is fairly treated if the relationship ends.

I'm still very fond of my ex husband; it shocked everyone when we split up as all our friends felt we were meant to be together even though, at that time, we were both going out with other people [and living at opposite ends of the country]. We were, I believe, meant to be together and became complete soul mates. How and when it all began to go wrong, I'm not sure [birth of first child I think] but when he left for someone else he pointed out that 'he would never have married her and wouldn't have wanted to have children with her but she was what he wanted 'now', and perhaps that sums up relationships these days. It didn't seem to make sense at the time but it does now. People do seem to get married these days later on in relationships at a point where they should, perhaps, be separating. The time to marry, imo is when your'e still in love with that person and the day of your mariage is the happiest day of your life. If that's how you feel on that day it's the 'right' time, I guess.

I'm with Bags when she says that marriage doesn't necessarily have to be for a lifetime. For a variety of reasons, a couple who thought it right to marry and expected the marriage to be forever, may discover otherwise. Change and growing apart, is part of the human condition. I speak from experience when I say that, it is perfectly possible to remain very good friends with an ex husband. I've three marvellous sons from two previous marriages. I accept that some might consider that to be unsatisfactory. Mr soop and I [married for the past 24 years] have no children together, yet he loves our extended family more than words can say. He's also on friendly terms with my previous husbands.

when enjoy your brother's wedding day. I hope that the sun shines.

My DS2 and his partner have been together for almost 19 years. They have two lovely sons and are as happy as any married couple.

I have a son in a long term relationship with a child, and they are both sure they don't want to get married. Perhaps we have to rethink these arrangements now that so many young people don't regard marriage as relevant?

I married too young at 23 the first time around. He was a perfectly nice person but we grew apart during the 7 years we were married and we didn't have children to cement us together making a break easier than if we had had them. The problem is that many people change a lot from early twenties to thirties. I've been with my second husband 28 years and we both feel soul mates I think that was what was lacking the first time around. Maybe as you get older you become more aware of what you don't want in a relationship rather than what you think you do want.

Yes, granny23, DD1, currently expecting child number two, has no plans to get married. She simply doesn't see the need. She and her partner are committed without marriage. No idea about the other two DDs. DD3 may not even have thought about it yet. I rather hope not as she's not quite twelve!

Just occured to me that both my DDs would say that there is no age when it is a good idea to get married, independent women that they are. If I was 19 in today's world I would not dream of getting married but in 1966, unless you were a pop star, you had to be married in order to live together.

I didn't get married until I was 29. I had a good time in my 20s though and maybe that gave me an idea of what I wanted. The fact that it went sour after 16 years doesn't mean that it was wrong at the time. If I hadn't married him, I wouldn't have had my present tribe whom I love and value dearly.

Butter

I got married at 18 and I was definitely too young. I knew it was a mistake but I didn't have the moral courage to back out. My mother and sister told me after the divorce, twenty years later, that they never liked him and couldn't understand what I saw in him. If only they had told me at the time!

I think that can often be true, absent, and even if it turns out to be wrong at some future date, that doesn't mean it wasn't right at the time. That's me saying that I don't think it matters if marriage isn't lifelong. Growing apart, if it happens, is something just to accept, with no hard feelings. It happens. I speak from experience.

Sounds lovely when.

I think you only know if it was the right or wrong age to get married – not to mention right or wrong person – after the event.