Well, I think there's something distinctly fishy about your family connections, Smoluski. Did you, or did you not, disappear on a 'trip' to Grimsby, paid for from a dubious source, to suss out the contraband market for Yarmouth-distilled 100% proof slivovitz? And was that Gertie/Bertie, disguised as a whelk seller, handing out counterfeit fags and chewing tobacco, to patrons of a rival chippy? I suspect your Mata Hari persona is a front for a takeover bid to buy a portfolio of kipper stalls and failing cigarette booths. Either you are a genuine spy, or you plan to take over the market selling cheap booze and fags to tourists along the Yarmouth to Hull coastline, to fund your disastrous fetish for red plastic and black leather. Come clean and cough to these accusations, or prove that you are who you say you are!
-- just going for a lie down--