Is this a bit OTT

I'd hate to have somebody sitting at my bedside for 8 hrs. How are you going to find time to eat your grapes, watch your little telly in peace, get stuck into a good book and snooze when you feel like it. The catchphrase in my family is, 'Don't let me keep you.'

Yes, DNephew does have a car - I was wondering if he puts the dishes in a bag, or does he have a special box to take them over! My SiL is a very kind person and has always treated him like this - ie babying him. Interestingly enough she has two older daughters and they are left to get on with things. DNephew has had girlfriends and SiL would love him to be settled, I am sure, but I am afraid I can't see it happening anytime soon. My BiL very much does what she says and does not like to upset her. Funnily enough she is always moaning that he doesn't do enough round the house, which doesn't seem right when you think how she treats her son!

Nina that sounds very bizarre! Controlling really. I wonder who is controlling who in this situation? The term "dysfunctional relationship" comes to mind.

Same with the lad and his laundry and washing up. I strikes me though that if the parents who are still doing this, they have already left it far to late to change and are never likely to tell him where to stick his dirty laundry. They do not realise though that the are not doing him any favours at all for his general development.

My SiL is in her 70s and not in good health yet she cleans her son's flat, which he rents from her, does his washing and shops and cooks for him leaving a months supply of meals in his freezer (he doesn't pay for the food). She also babysits her daughter's children 5 days a week, they are 3 and 5. On top of that she also does her ex-husband's washing (they have been divorced for around 25 years!). She is permanently tired and usually goes to bed at 7.00 p.m. every night.

I have suggested she does less for them but she just says they wouldn't manage if she didn't take it on.

Her daughter also has a habit of leaving bills around and she will pay the bill "to help them out". Both her daughter and son in law have well paid jobs and could afford to pay for child care but are happy to let her take it on herself.

I would visit the hospital but not stay that long.

If my son's washing machine was on the blink I would be happy to do his washing, as I would for any friend, but if he was just an idle so and so I would not. Actually all my sons are quite capable of doing their own washing and all other chores and wouldn't dream of asking anyone else for help. Their wives are on to a very good thing!

I wouldn't even give him the paper plates but I would give him a strong talking to!

Men!

When DD (late 30s) was seriously injured in a road accident we sat by her bed for the whole of each visiting time every day of her 10 day stay in hospital, but that was because she was psychologically traumatised as well as physically injured in the accident and she wanted us there. We would not have done it otherwise. We would have visited daily but for shorter periods. Visitors can be very tiring when you do not feel well.

When she went in for further operations we just visited for an hour or so each day. We did have to stay at her house because she lives over 70 miles away. She is very independent but lives alone and being ill, no matter what the cause, can be very difficult and depressing.

My grandson, who has lived with me for 8 years and who is 23, is talking about moving out.

I was actually thinking of offering to do his washing for him.

Oh dear! I wouldn't dare now.

But i wonder if level of nurturing and how long it goes on for is partly cultural. What about the Italian momma?

Which is why so many Italian men do not marry. Modern Italian women are no longer prepared to wait on them hand and foot the way their mother's do.

Nellie, as she is my friend I will not comment on your post except