Money can be a curse

My children live very different lives. DS is married with children. DD is resolutely heart whole and fancy free. We have at various times helped them in different ways, which I think, is roughly even, but it would be difficult for either to calculate what one has had compared with the other because they do not always know what the other has received, not because we do not want them to know, but because they live several hundred miles.

DD knows we bought son and family a new cooker at Christmas, because we all went shopping together, whether they are aware we bought her dishwasher three years ago I am not sure because we did that when we were visiting her and may or may not bothered to tell DS. Anyway DS would not remember even if we told him every day for a month, he is the classic absent minded academic.

My father simply divided his estate between his two children. My sister and I then made a Deed of Variation to transfer some of it to our grandchildren, each set of grandchildren taking the money from their mothers share of the estate.

Hi I'm new Money can be a curse if in the hands of someone that has no respect for it or that uts it above all else.

However if in the right hands it can be a wonderful thing.

Petra

I have noticed you mentioned health as well and this can do strange things.
My mother passed away with cancer and started making some very strange allegations.
My mother in law was supposed to be stealing the family money. Dad was getting trouble because he could not be in the garden working and getting to Mum in about 30 seconds.
For a couple of years she was bothering about how much it would cost to get her back to Birmingham if she died while visiting us in London.
The doctor was supposed to be rubbish and she wanted to see the previous doctor who had retired about 30 years previously.
Sometimes it is not the person talking. It is the illness talking.

Frank

Hi cary

Welcome. It seems you will be able to contribute to money and legal.

Frank

No disrespect to cary - welcome! You may find that there is sometimes a strange even surreal interchange of opinions.
But Frank do tell, what in your opinion qualifies anyone to be able to contribute to money and legal???

Equal shares Frank - it will only cause problems and maybe bad feelings amongst the youngsters. Maybe not but not worth taking the risk. x

Fionn is a name but spelt Ffion (Welsh) and my great nieces name

Hi Cary and welcome to gransnet. Ignore silly comments about what you can contribute to and feel free to post on any forum you like and, indeed, to start a conversation on any subject that interests you.

Some of you mentioned Grand Children. I think this is where a lot of the "trouble" is coming from; although the one who has the gripe has chosen not to have children and most of what we give (mostly time) is given to the GC.
Some years ago we lent one DD a large sum of money for a deposit on a house.
It wasn't a secret, it was just something we did. Now, from what the one with the gripe is saying we know that the other one has mentioned it.
The one with the gripe had her own house, which she never asked us for a penny; although we have bought a car for them and OH has done bathroom and kitchen.
The trouble is; I don't want to speak to the DD who had the money because she would go ballistic and I'm one for: A still tongue makes a wise head.

Frank You are better [for me] than any "pep pill"

Let start a Frank Appreciation Group!

F.A.G.?

Bez you must remember, Frank wont have a "demise" as such, he will "pass away" .

No! Ass away!

Fade away as all good Franks do!

Hang on in there, Frank x

Don't worry soop.

If I live to the age my father lived to I will be around for another 25 years.
I had a mini medical a few weeks ago. Everything was fine and I do not have to take any tablets etc.

Frank

Well if it is like my parents money, it will all go in care home fees anyway. My dad was so proud of what he had saved and achieved in his lifetime and thought he would pass on to his children.

MaureenM

If you are married and a house owner talk to a solicitor about splitting your house into tenants in common ownership and make out separate wills leaving your half to your offspring and ask your husband to do the same.
If only 1 of you has to go in to care at worst only half of the house can be taken for care fees.
The other reason my parents did this was to stop Gold Diggers getting their half.

Frank

HUNTERF It may be fairly common for houses to be jointly owned by spouses but it is not invariably the case. My husband has an interest in the matrimonial home because of the Matrimonial Homes Act but does not, in fact, actually own any of it.

How does that work, absent?

Absent

A house can be jointly owned by just 2 friends for example.
If you can I will let you explain the Matrimonial Homes Act to Reddevil3.
I was really an international project finance banker and only touched on to property law in the UK.

Frank

Reddevil3 In simple terms, if I want to sell my house or borrow against it, I have to have his permission. However, it remains my house. The Matrimonial Homes Act (dates from the 1980s I think) was really designed to protect wives whose husbands were the sole owners of the family home and then left them for a younger model. It was a way of recognising the input of wife who didn't do a paid job but contributed to marital and family life. Husbands, of course, have the same rights as wives; it's just that most sole ownership tends to be the husband rather than the wife.

Confused now.

I thought the law changed in mid/late 1990's.
Sole ownership of matrimonial home does not exist anymore?
By law!
Names on Deeds etc.

Surely not, johanna? If one person in the relationship owns a property, they're under no obligation to put their spouse's or partner's name on the deeds as joint owner. If the marriage has been a long one, possibly a judge may split the value between the parties, but it depends on circumstances.