Poorly dad

storynannyI'm so sorry; there is a great deal that can be done following a stroke so try not to feel too overwhelmed. and (((hugs)))

storynanny {{{hugs}}} I am so sorry to hear of your Dads stroke.

Our lovely intelligent kind daughter had a stroke about 3/4 years ago, I still have the e-mail my son in law sent to all who knew her - written in the early hours of the first day, after we had left her in the care of the hospital staff, the next day she was totally not with us, and we were all so convinced we would have to look after her for the rest of her life. The following day she was sitting up in bed, and has not looked back since, returned to her old job, but taking it very easy. She was of course younger than your dad, but I regularly check the e-mail my son in law composed on that night of worry, just to remind me how awful it was, so I know how you must feel. Good luck to you and your dad, and find out as much as you can about strokes and how to cope, it helps.

Not got personal experience story nan but do wish his full recovery and sorry you going through this.

storynanny (lovely name) I am so sorry to hear this. I do hope he recovers soon and that you have people around to support you and him

Wishing your Dad and your family the best outcome. ((((hugs))))

storynanny ((hugs))

Sending best wishes for your Dad's recovery, storynanny

Get on to the Stroke Association and ask them to send you an advice pack.Good luck and my very best wishes.

storynanna . I do hope your Dad recovers well. My one suggestion is to consider whether there are any specially designated departments/wards for people who have suffered a stroke either in his existing hospital, or others.
When my Mother had a stroke, once the shock to her system had subsided, she was moved to a special stroke unit, where intensive physio. made a significant difference in her recovery.
The sooner this starts the better.
Wish all best best.

So sorry to hear that story - hope things are looking brighter today. The advice about the Stroke Association is what I was going to offer.

6 or so years ago our eldest son had a stroke, aged 35, and I have posted lots, and had lots of support and love, on GN. Our son was in Japan and on life support when we found out about his stroke and we spent hours in the air without knowing what we were going to find when we got there. Luckily he survived, although his marriage didn't, is back in England and living independently.

I wish you the very best outcome possible. Be strong.

Thank you for your lovely messages. Considering his age 84, he's doing well, not paralysed, just lost left vision and very confused, still being very sick and in pain but clear speech. Main problem is he is main carer for mother who has some mobility issues( not serious, but very used to being waited on by dad all her life!)
Unfortunately she is being totally unrealistic about his condition and wants him to exercise his right to self discharge and come home! Not to be nursed by her, just to be back looking after her and start driving her around. Coping with her attitude is far more stressful for me than the hospital visiting.
Oh dear that makes me sound a dreadful daughter. He won't be home for a few weeks so it might give her time to get used to the changes a bit.
Going to set up a taxi account for them so that they can be independent when he comes homes as he won't be driving again.
Once again thanks for all your suggestions.

Just an update for a bit of advice really. Dads been home for a few weeks, doing well considering age etc, accepted now he won't ever drive again.
He seems to be left with permanently changed personality though, obviously due to the brain being damaged. It's so hard to help a cross, grumpy, agitated, shouty man whose personality is completely opposite to what it was.
I visit when I can ( I live 200 miles away and work) but hate it every time as its so stressful. Mum is constantly trying to get attention turned to her imaginary ailments and is cross that she can no longer be ferried around.
I'm feeling like I've been bereaved as he's not the dad he was any more.
What to do.

storynanny how difficult for you and your parents. My dad was irascible and selfish as he got old and infirm, and my mum wasn't able to look after herself, so went into a lovely nursing home, by choice. It sounds like their GP might need to arrange for someone to visit and assess what they can manage between them, in case they need some daily support. There'll be other Gransnetters who know more about support for the elderly along to offer advice, I'm sure.

His personality could improve, storynanny. It's early days. My DH had a stroke three years ago and his mood swings, anxiety attacks and temper tantrums made me fear for the future. He once tore a pair of trousers in two because I wanted him to wear them and he didn't!!

He's a different man now. He still gets very anxious about silly things and flies off the handle at the drop of a hat but I've got used to that. His sense of humour has returned and so has his caring side.

Be kind but firm with your mother. She'll be floundering as well.

It's reassuring to know it could Improve. After 60 years of saying yes dear, he no longer let's mum have her own way all the time so that's proving really difficult to watch.
There is a distinct lack of compassion on her part and she deliberately won't listen to anything I say if she doesn't like it! I really don't want to visit anymore but can't just give up can I? I live too far away to just make daily visits so have to stay a couple of nights. Feel guilty because my only sibling lives locally and is at the end of her tether with visiting and working.
They would be better cared for in so e sort of sheltered accommodation I think but understandably want to remain in their home. Despite a weekly cleaner and a fortnightly gardener I can see deterioration in the cleanliness and general state of the house every time I visit.
Also feel guilty because my mother has never really been a "nice" person and has never ever put herself out to help anyone in need including her own children. I'm ashamed to say I struggle to "like" her.

Talk to their GP, storynanny. They're going to need help and sooner rather than later. My mother also had a stroke and I was far too soft with her. She should have gone into sheltered housing long before she did but I didn't push for it which meant I bore the brunt of her care. Your sister must be finding it hard going so see if you can form a united front and get some help.

It's the non stroke person who is the stumbling block, she won't agree to anything that will alter her life as she wants it. She is stubborn self centred and rigid in her ways and attitudes. If you see what I mean. Can anyone talk to a gp about someone else? I didn't think you could because of confidentiality.

Yes you can if you are concerned about a parent. A GP will realise it's in their patient's best interests if a son or daughter is anxious to help.

Oh, thank you. Not sure what help they would be entitled to or even accept. They both have mobility scooters and enough money to finance taxis but the non stroke partner is calling all the shots! She's thrown away the stroke club leaflet I got as its on a day and time that doesn't suit!

What a nightmare for you. They both need help and I think the GP is the first port of call but other Gransnetters might have some info that will be more helpful.

You could also try Age UK. I have found them very helpful.

Thank you, I will look into that.

How I feel for you! I have been faced with similar situations.

It is fine to chat with the GP - they do not have to discuss anything confidential; b ut you can express your concerns and he/she can talk about possible solutions.

Some areas do have a dedicated stroke service, so you might be able to talk with someone there.

Try this link to the Stroke Association you can talk to people there and get advice: www.stroke.org.uk/