Ahhhhgggghhh I TAKE IT ALL BACK!!!

Many moons ago my Mum heard my brother and I arguing in the garden and shouted "Whatever it is just share it" - we later walked in with half a worm each!

Flower It sounds to me as if they are very skilled at manipulating their parents and that mum seems to fall for it.

It seems that this generation of parents my DD included are often a bit precious about their children's behaviour and seem unduly terrified of harming their psyches with a bit of tough love. Lots of love and approval is good but at times they can really benefit from some healthy neglect and a bit of control and common sense.

Nellie I agree tough love never did my sons any harm. I was firm but loving I had to be as DH often worked away from home for weeks on end.

Mishap

Flower I hope you are having a relaxing evening, listening to Runrig perhaps?

Mishap Love that story

Very skilled Nellie! I totally agree. I just wonder what she will make of DDH asking DGS to sit on the 'thinking' chair. Will probably have the same effect as if he had put him in coal cellar.

Ummm! Nellie, I certainly don't think that the boys get a lot of approval, they do get a lot of love but often they are told how naughty they are. Again, children behave how they are expected to behave! and these certainly do.
I love the little tykes but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

I still can't believe the "Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah" comment made by the four year old to his mother.

The saga continues..............................watch this space.

It's almost as though they think they're 'blowing their cover' if they behave when their mums arrive. Our fourteen year old grandson is going through the moody teenager phase. He and his younger brother stayed with us last night and he was chatty, funny, helpful and ate like a horse. When DD came to pick them up after Sunday lunch, he assumed the position....head down, monosyllabic, hands in pockets and grunted, 'See ya.'

Merlot, have you read my original threat entitled Shocking!. they don't behave at home at all, in fact the little one, although he had been using the potty without prompting the whole stay (at home he has started pouring it over his head, tipping it on the floor, wetting the bed or wetting his bedroom carpet and refusing the pot, refused to go on it when his mum asked him to before they left. A fantastic weapon is the potty!!!!

I consider myself lucky then, I think! My two grandaughters of 5 and 2 seem to be well behaved, at least with me and daughter, whose children they are, says she and hubby have no problems with them. Needless to say I love them to bits and want to spoil them rotten much to daughters protestations. She tells me off for allowing them to do what I would never allow her or her brother to do but is that not what grandads are for - not according to daughter!
I must admit she used to call her brother "the brat" while he used to call her "smell" (her name is Michelle) and to be honest I have heard those 'terms of endearment' recently with her aged 35 and he 31. Sibling love eh! I would never be without them and as a bonus sons girlfriend /partner is an absolute treasure as is daughters other half - I feel blessed. Whether or not I will feel the same when the teenage years arrive remains to be seen but we live in eternal hope.

I wonder if the parents give them more attention when they are 'naughty' than at other times? I know it is difficult just reading what is on here but it does rather sound like it. I think that it is much better to give positive feedback whenever you can and keep the tickings off to a minimum and only when it is important. For example, praise when they remember to say please or thank you and just gently remind when they don't. If they are told off when they forget it will become a big issue.

Movealot, that is the problem, they seem to get an awful lot of negative attention.

Isn't it lovely, when you can sit back and think - "been there, done that - don't know what they are getting themselves in a state about". The fact about children is that they know exactly how far they can go, and I have decided that in spite of us, they nearly all eventually grow into quite nice young people - there are exceptions of course, and perhaps I see the world through rose coloured glasses. Of course I do not condone unnecessary shouting or 'smacking', but children do need to know there are limits, and that the limits are there because we love them. Love being the vital ingredient of course. I wonder how many other people like me have put their children to bed after a rather fraught day, and then, seeing their sweet faces relaxed in sleep, think "I am never going to shout or get cross with them again!" Only to fail within probably the first half hour of the next morning.

My DD reminded me not so long ago that if I made a threat I always carried out if either - she and/or her brother - repeated their bad behaviour. They've taken this on board with their own families and feel as dreadful as I did when they've had to carry out the threat - nothing sinister I hasten to say, just something like not watching their favourite programme or missing a treat, depending on the seriousness of the 'crime'. We all agree fortunately that children need to have limits and that no means no. It builds up trust between us all as well. That said there are the occasional moments.......

That's just what I'm like with DH. When he is being sweet I vow never to shout or get cross with him again, only to fail within probably the next half hour

I too always carry out a threat goldengirl, I remember my eldest DD aged about 7 being extremely badly behaved. I started to send her to bed early, I told her that if her behaviour continued in that manner she would go to bed half and hour earlier each night until it improved. I ended up almost having to send her to bed while she was still at school. She certainly lasted for over two weeks. She tired before I did though.

Oh Petallus you reminded me of something and I feel so so guilty

When DDH was in hospital so ill last year with heart attack followed by pneumonia (6 weeks in intensive care) I vowed (allowed to the nurses) that I would never never complain about his snoring again, it would be like the songs of Angels to my ears.

That lasted for about 2 weeks after he came home!!!! I can hear him now - I bed he is sitting up in bed, book open, light on fast asleep. The other night I found him with Bradley Wiggins on his lap and holding a cup of tea, fast asleep. (Bradley was on a portable DVD player in case anyone is wondering)